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翻译 Ellister femslash 同人文 极地冷CP

【Ellister】我不想过没有你的生活(你怎么知道的?)

Summary:

也许这是来自某人的信号,你的想法和她的想法在分开这么久之后仍然平行。你的生活中有个埃斯特·弗洛雷斯那么大的洞,你自己都不知道是怎么熬过来的,但现在你无法想象没有她的生活。
又名,艾莉和埃斯特几年后重聚时艾莉注意到了一些非常可爱的东西。

Notes:

原作者:灵感来自那些Alexxis Lemire像树袋熊一样紧紧抱着Leah Lewis的照片。
以及,我已经有一段时间没有涉足第二人称了,所以我们开始吧lol

“告诉她我是一个朋友,一个友好的中国女孩”

“你不仅仅是一个友好的中国女孩。”

 “我会假装的。”

——《面子》,2004

你第一次收到埃斯特的信息时,新学年还没开始。

保罗要求你至少建立一个社交媒体平台的账号来保持联系,而你自从离开斯夸哈米什去了格林内尔之后你就一直在关注她。(“不,艾莉,你不能选择脸书,那是为婴儿潮一代准备的。”)她们来来回回讨论这些平台的优缺点——“你她妈什么意思,你发送的照片打开后会自动删除?”但最终你还是选择了照片墙。

当然,你先关注了保罗,于是自然,其他高中同学最终也出现在你的推荐和通知中——包括埃斯特。

保罗叫你关注她,你却公然无视他。

但是当那个小小的“埃斯特·弗洛雷斯请求关注你”的通知出现在你的新iPhone的主屏幕上时,你怎么能拒绝呢?

虽然这并不真的重要。突然间,四年过去了,你们之间没有任何信息,甚至在你意识到这一点之前,你在格林内尔大学的四年本科生涯也已经过去了。

你很享受哲学和英语的双学位,在某个时候,你被迫加入辩论队,却意识到你热爱它。现在回想起来,也许你应该早点意识到,从高中时和埃斯特那些开玩笑的信件,到每当你在课堂上和同学争论一些无关紧要的话题时,那种流淌过你全身的兴奋。

不管怎样,你都会发现自己正在哥伦比亚大学法学院攻读研究生学位。

你在照片墙上只发了两个帖子,一个是你,保罗,还有你爸在吃保罗第一次尝试给你做红烧肉的照片,另一个是你和爸在成功搬进哥伦比亚大学后站在草坪上,两个人脸上都带着胜利的笑容。(事实上,保罗也是来帮忙搬东西的,是他拍了这张照片,所以你一定要像他给你展示的那样给他贴上标签。)

所以,自然而然的,即使朋友和远方家人的祝福滚动着出现,真正吸引你注意力的只有几个小时后你收到的鬼信使消息:

迪亚哥里韦罗你也在纽约?

史密斯科罗娜是啊,没错!

史密斯科罗娜等等,你说“也”是什么意思?

近五年来,你第一次在中央公园见到埃斯特·弗洛雷斯,你的大脑决定做的第一件事就是注意到你曾经明显迷恋过的女孩已经变了这么多,但与此同时却也一点没变。

首先,标志性的牛仔夹克仍然在。另一方面,至少这一次,印花连衣裙已经被合身的黑色牛仔裤和深红色衬衫所取代。除此之外,埃斯特似乎还带着一种轻松自信的气质,一种高中时没有的真实、稳定的自信气质,这种理解对埃斯特来说就像用手指卷起一缕卷曲的长发一样容易。它很有吸引力——埃斯特很有魅力。

埃斯特一直都很漂亮,从你第一眼看到她的那天起,你就知道这一点,但现在你看着她,想着你怎么能像希腊人写女神那样,写出关于她的美貌的诗歌。

不过,她是第一个开口的。

“你把头发放下来了,”埃斯特笑着说,双手插在口袋里。

“是啊,”你回答,把自己脸上的黑色波浪拂回去。

“你不再穿层层的衣服了,”她说,朝紧贴着你的身体的紧身长袖衬衫点点头。

“是的,”你吃吃笑着说,“这里太暖和了。”

“你甚至抛弃了眼镜,”埃斯特说,你耸了耸肩。

“放在公寓里了,我想我今天可以戴隐形眼镜。”

“你看起来更开心了,”她带着结束性的语气说,你愣住了。

“我——”你眨眨眼,歪着头,想着。慢慢地,一个微笑从你的嘴唇蔓延开来。“我想是的。大胆的笔触,不是吗?”

说到这里,埃斯特只是笑了笑,用她的双手抓住你的胳膊,紧紧地搂着,宣称她知道附近有一家很棒的意大利餐厅。

她很快成为了你生活中永久的主角。

在你忙碌的哥伦比亚大学法学学位课程和埃斯特在纽约大学帝势艺术学院哲学硕士的继续教育之间,你们设法每周两次聚在一起吃午饭。

“ 埃斯特!”

“你迟到了!”阿斯特责备道,但她的话没有任何指责,她拿下耳机合上书本时,嘴角的笑容是真诚的。她看起来很舒服,坐在哥伦比亚大学的草地上耐心地等着你,但她还是站起来,把小说塞进了包里。

“对不起,”你不好意思地笑着道歉,把背包拉得更高了。你的胸口有些微微的刺痛;你永远不会厌倦离开教室看到埃斯特熟悉的身影。“我的法律研究教授坚持用剩下的两分钟讲一些搜查和扣押案件。”

“我想如果你学到了什么东西也没关系,”阿斯特哼着,似乎在考虑什么,然后大步向前走去,搂住你的右臂,肩膀撞在你的肩膀上。“不过我饿了。老地方,还是新地方?”

“附近上周末新开了一家咖啡馆,我听说那里的沙拉很好吃。”你告诉她,尽量不去想当你领着她走在人行道上时,她身体的热量压在你身上的感觉。

埃斯特比你们两个人中更高的那个,只是高了一点,但如果你注意到自从多年前在华盛顿斯夸哈米什以来有什么变化,那就是埃斯特喜欢粘在一起。

也许埃斯特一直都很粘人,只是你没有意识到。突然间,你回想起那些记忆,那时候你只穿连帽衫和匡威鞋,埃斯特的身影看起来完全在世界之外。你不记得埃斯特曾经像这样紧紧地抓住过特里格或者保罗的胳膊,但在高中的时候,你的目光总是坚决地注视着地面。

尽管一个月前才重逢,当你们俩一起走在纽约的街道上时,是埃斯特喜欢搂着你的胳膊,把她的手指缠绕在你穿的法兰绒布料上,尽可能靠近你,让你兴奋。而你好像从来没有大声质疑过这个问题——你觉得没有什么必要这么紧急,尤其是当埃斯特很快就能感觉到你的目光在她身上,每当你们的目光相遇时,她都会迅速微笑。

如果这有什么的话,那就是禁足。埃斯特轻轻地抓住你的胳膊,提醒着你们此时此刻都确实在这里,在一个远离家乡的世界。但同时,这里也是家。你永远不会大声说出这些感觉——你们物理上在一起,但你们两个并没有在约会或者其他什么,不管保罗在电话里怎么坚持——但是你们已经有了一件好事,没有必要着急。

说实话,你能有第二次重新开始和朋友相处的机会本身就是一个奇迹——闪电从来不会击中两次,但不知为何,你们走到这一步了。所以你紧紧抓住你的好运,就像埃斯特紧紧抓住你一样,感谢每一个好运,把它们放在心里。

星期六下午,埃斯特带你去离你公寓几个街区远的书店。你打开门,看到她兴奋地哼着,她牵着你的手,带着你在街上穿行,你忍不住想,她轻快的脚步简直可爱极了。

“萨特说‘他人即地狱’是对的,”当你在一个挤满了忙碌行人的红绿灯前停下脚步时,埃斯特开玩笑地说。

“我认为这个背景不对,”你笑着回答,绿灯亮起,埃斯特走下路缘,你顺从地跟着他。

“我认为可以进行艺术性的重新解释,”她只是用一种唱歌的语气回答,你笑了,但还是让着她。

三十分钟后,你坐在书店窗边的舒适椅子上,埃斯特坐在对面的椅子上。你们之间的桌子上有两杯热气腾腾的咖啡,埃斯特终于从她堆起的一堆书中挑出一本小说时,你已经沉浸在一本书里了。

“‘我是一个红气球,’”你大声读出来,这句话引起了你的注意,“一个系在锚上的红气球。”真的非常有诗意又让人伤心。我明白你为什么这么喜欢这本书了。”

“在我离开斯夸哈米什之前,我甚至不知道还有《芒果街上的小屋 》这样的书存在,”埃斯特承认,你发现自己在点头表示理解。在格林内尔,你会发现自己处于类似的境地,面对着这么多种不同文化的书籍,你以前甚至从未停下来考虑过这些书籍。高中图书馆一直是你的避风港,所以你甚至没有意识到自己错过了这么多。

“从那以后,我开始从有色人种作家那里寻找更多的书籍,”她告诉你,你发出了同意的声音。“尽管我很喜欢阅读古代英国哲学家的漫谈,但从拉丁裔的角度来阅读一些东西还是令人耳目一新的。”

“除此之外,散文本身就是令人惊异的,”你诚实地说,埃斯特的眼睛看起来亮了起来,热切地在她的座位上扭来扭去,你因此在精神上拍了拍自己的背。“我喜欢小品文写作,我一直想多练习自己的小品文。”

“你应该写你自己的小品文集,”阿斯特咯咯笑着说,“也许是《香肠店对面的房子》?”

“桑德拉·希斯内罗丝的出版公司马上就会以剽窃罪指控我,”你回答说,忍住笑声。

“《火车站旁的房子》?”埃斯特提议,你开玩笑地翻了个白眼。

“不知为何,我不认为这能解决问题。”

“你有这样的书吗,艾莉?”

“什么样的书?”

“你知道的。”阿斯特耸了耸肩,示意还在你手里的《芒果街上的小屋》。“这本书让你意识到世界比你最初想象的要宏大得多。”

。”你停下来,花点时间回想一下在格林内尔上的第一堂亚裔美国人文学课,那堂课让你如此投入,以一种你从未体验过的方式探索故事叙述。然后,你从座位上站起来,埃斯特跟着你开始扫视书架。

与此同时,你感觉到埃斯特好奇的目光一直注视着你,当你在书店的各个角落漫步时,她的眼睛想吸收你的全部存在,你找到你要找的东西并把它从原来的位置抽出来,你感觉到一股热量上升到你的脸颊。你对着拳头咳嗽,然后转过身去对着她。

“‘你看着你所拥有的,而不是你错过的,然后继续前进,’”你背诵着,埃斯特惊讶地微微睁大了眼睛。

“这是从哪儿来的?”她平静地问,目不转睛。

“《悲喜边缘的旅馆》,”你说,然后把小说递给她。“这是,嗯,”你清了清嗓子,“一个与众不同的爱情故事,讲了一个华裔美国男孩和日裔美国女孩在第二次世界大战期间。她们,呃,”——现在你只是脸红,结结巴巴的——“给对方写信。这是一本令人惊叹的书,过去几年我一直记得这本书。”

埃斯特拿起那本平装书,指尖在封面上滑过,然后抬头看着你,就像你刚刚交出了自己灵魂的一部分——从某种意义上说,你觉得你已经这么做了。除了你看到温柔的阿斯特小心翼翼地把《悲喜边缘的旅馆》握在手中,宣布她要买下它时,你不会后悔,她带你回到座位时,你微笑着。

(你在离开前买了《芒果街上的小屋》,把它安全地塞进你的包里,而阿斯特看着你,就好像你把星星挂起来了一样。)

你总是喜欢和别人讨论文学,尤其是和那些和你一样有激情的人——如果不是有激情的话。尽管如此,如果你有一点偏见又怎样呢?没有什么比和埃斯特·弗洛雷斯谈论文学更好的了。

也许是因为你的品味和她的品味在高中时如此完美地一致,也许是因为知道她和你一样扩展了她的品味而感到兴奋。又或者,这只是因为她是埃斯特·弗洛雷斯,你一直暗恋的女孩,当她在第一封信中指出你从《欲望之翼》中“获得灵感”时,你对她陷得更深了。

埃斯特总是喜欢发出挑战,所以当你并不奇怪在中央公园的草地上闲逛时,你突然发现自己正在被提问——被埃斯特·弗洛雷斯提问文学作品中的名言,这并不奇怪。

“‘我们都需要镜子来提醒自己是谁。我也一样,’”埃斯特背诵道,你在回答前咬了咬下唇。

“这是那部电影《记忆碎片》里的台词,”你告诉她,埃斯特赞赏地扬起了眉毛。

“那部电影里有很多东西,我很惊讶你能认出这句台词,”她称赞道。

“如果我告诉你,我看了好几遍,重播了所有的场景,这样我就能拼凑出故事情节背后的真正动机,这听起来就不那么令人印象深刻了。”你承认。

埃斯特为此坏笑起来。“这很公平。我也至少看了两遍,因为我拒绝在谷歌上搜索剧情。那是一部令人困惑的电影。”

“好吧,那这个呢,”你提出,“‘我们在清醒的时候做梦,在睡梦中行走。’”

“简单,纳撒尼尔·霍桑的《红字》,”阿斯特毫不费力地回答,但她的鼻子皱起来,显然很不喜欢。

你笑了,“不是很喜欢?”

“大约五十页的时候,我开始觉得古英语很烦人,而且我也不太喜欢那些角色。”埃斯特耸耸肩,把头靠在你的膝盖上说。心不在焉地,你的手指开始缠绕在她的头发上,当你按摩她的头皮时,她发出满足的声音。

“我也不太喜欢,”你说,她吃吃笑了起来。

“该你了,艾莉·楚!‘一个人的出生并不重要,重要的是他成为成什么样的人。’”

“……你真的就对我引用《哈利·波特》?J.K. 罗琳?认真的吗,埃斯特?”

“哪本书,艾莉?”阿斯特咧嘴一笑,伸手抓住了你的手腕。

你翻了个白眼假装要咬她的手,然后才回答。

“《火焰杯》,你个糯米,”你戏弄她,用你空出来的手挠她的肚子,然后埃斯特尖叫着,把你的手拍走了。“好吧,这是我最后一个问题了。”

“放马过来吧,”埃斯特自信地说,又坐了起来。

“‘我现在明白了,一个人出生的环境是无关紧要的。你如何运用生活赐予的礼物决定了你是谁。’”

哦,看到埃斯特困惑地皱起眉毛的样子真是太令人满足了,在一分钟的沉默中,你可以看到齿轮在疯狂地转动,加班加点地试图找出引语的来源。

最后,埃斯特叹了口气,摇着头,肩膀耷拉下来。

“好吧,我不知道,谁说的?”

“《神奇宝贝剧场版:超梦的逆袭》。”

你很确定中央公园里的每个人都听到了你的笑声,笑声在旋转,不断上升到蓝色的天空之上,在埃斯特的震惊的表情被一个恶作剧的表情取代之后,她把你扑倒在地上,用力地挠你痒痒,说实话,这是你应得的惩罚。

你一直在笑。

“你要去见朋友? 准备好被拷问吧。”

——《面子》,2004

日子就这样继续过去,你和埃斯特在你们生活中错综复杂地纠缠在一起。你可能会想,如果你的灵魂现在被染上了颜色,那应该是鲜艳的深红色,足以和埃斯特为自己设计的标志性红色相匹配。

你的周末不可避免地变成了“埃斯特日”,这本身就很有趣,因为你在一周中看到她的时间足够多,你的日程表上很难有超过一天的时间没有她的存在。

有时她在你的公寓里,带着她的笔记本电脑和平板电脑在你学习的时候完成数码作业。有时候,你会把你的材料带到帝势的工作室,或者带回埃斯特的住处,甚至在需要的时候带到外面——只要埃斯特为了她的画作而出现的地方。

你遇到了她的新朋友,她也遇到了你的,虽然没有人对此发表评论,但你可以从她们戏谑的眼神和含蓄(一点也不含蓄)的评论中看出,她们都认为发生了什么。

“我们打算给她安排一次相亲,”埃斯特的一个朋友告诉你,“但后来她在游戏之夜把你介绍给了我们,现在我们知道她为什么那么反对这个主意了。”

“你看起来真的很适合她,”另一个补充道,然后两人开始可疑地吃吃笑起来。

你真的不知道该说什么。

“你约埃斯特出去了吗?”你走进你的一个法学院同学的公寓,拿着一批你爸送来分享的饺子,他大声喊道,你立刻仰头呻吟起来。“你们基本上已经在约会了,有什么问题吗?”

所以她们都没搞对,但也不是完全错的。

这很奇怪,因为就像矛盾修饰法一样,你发现自己既讨厌又喜欢这个奇怪的地狱边缘。

你尽量不去想它,但是你会想,如果你们中的一个大胆地画下一笔,跨过那个界限,会发生什么。

你想知道你是否会比现在更快乐。

你不太确定这是谁的主意,但在一个深秋的星期五,你发现自己和埃斯特还有你的其他朋友在一个酒吧里。

自从才艺表演之后的派对之后,你就不怎么喝酒了——也许就喝一杯,为了照顾一晚上的氛围,但仅此而已,而且你完全接受成为那个指定的清醒的“妈妈”朋友。

埃斯特只有在你基本上不得不把她赶出去和其他人一起玩的时候才会离开你身边。因此,你坐在你奇迹般占住的那张桌子旁,当夜晚的第三个家伙试图搭讪埃斯特却毫无结果时,你翻了个白眼。

“你看起来很孤独,”一个陌生的声音突然说道,让你的思路嘎然而止,你从懒散的姿势中惊醒,立刻站直了身子。

你说什么?”你本能地回答,外国的话语离开你的嘴唇,甚至不需要思考,你在心里发了个感谢字条给你爸。你转过身,与另一个亚洲女孩狐狸般的眼睛相遇,她的嘴角露出腼腆的微笑,嘴唇卷起,发出熟悉的普通话。

我说你看起来需要人陪,”那女孩说,吃吃地笑着,你挑起眉毛看向她用大拇指伸过肩膀的地方,指着聚集在一个飞镖靶子周围的一小群亚裔。实际上,你认识他们中的一些人,一些来自海外的人就读于哥伦比亚大学。“你玩过吗?”

你玩过飞镖吗?嗯,玩过。你仍然清晰地记得那些日子,就像昨天一样——你从来没有学过怎么玩飞镖的事情完全冒犯到了你的在格林内尔的朋友们,ta们让你和ta们一起玩,直到你能像引用你最喜欢的作家那样轻松地击中靶心。

所以你站起来,让这个女孩领你去靶子旁,她的朋友们蜂拥而至,突然之间,就像满大街都是普通话的飓风,即使你拿着飞镖,你面前的空间被清空了的时候也是如此。

几回合过后,你笑着看着你的对手错过了中环而低声抱怨。你周围的人群欢呼着,你让自己笑容满面地沐浴在其中,但突然有一双手抓住你的手臂,你甚至不用看,你只要触摸就知道它们不是埃斯特的。

轻轻地,你把自己从另一个身体中分离出来——就是之前那个女孩,那个有着狐狸般眼睛的女孩,是她最初邀请你来这里的——然后你向她露出一个歉意的微笑。

对不起,”你说。“这很有趣,但我真的应该回到我的桌子了。

我还不知道你的名字呢,”女孩戏剧性地撅了撅嘴,然后你对自己笑了笑。

我是艾莉,”你用英语告诉她。

你有中文名字吗?”她问你,你刚张嘴,一双熟悉的手臂温暖地搂住你,把你拉近,一个头靠在你的肩胛骨上;一个熟悉的,正确的重量。

“艾莉,”埃斯特轻声说。她的手指坚持不懈地按在你的锁骨上。“我累了。我们回家吧?”

回家。你深吸一口气,“要我带你回你家吗?”

你能感觉到埃斯特摇头的样子。

“不,你家,”她低语,你的心在胸口剧烈跳动。埃斯特拜访你的公寓并不是什么新鲜事,但是埃斯特以任何身份过夜绝对。”我可以睡你的沙发什么的。今晚别丢下我一个人,求你了。”

“那怎么可能让你睡沙发,”你轻声说,感觉到埃斯特把一个微笑埋进你的背上。你把注意力转向你前面的那个女孩,她的狐狸眼一定是因为好奇心而盯着你如此自然地压在埃斯特身上的方式。

我真的很抱歉,”你又说了一遍,已经开始引导埃斯特离开酒吧了。埃斯特保持着她平常的姿势,紧紧地抓住你的胳膊,尽管酒吧已经够拥挤了,但是这种热度还是让人感到某种舒适。“但我现在真的得走了。

“没关系,”那个中国女孩用流利的英语说,天真地微笑着。“总会有下次的!”

埃斯特紧紧抓住你的手臂,你感觉到她抵着你颤抖地呼出一口气。

你没有对此发表评论,即使你们已经出了酒吧。如果埃斯特不想谈,你不会逼她,如果她想说,她会的。尽管如此,在你们之间仅剩的一点空间里,空气中还是有一些东西,整个走回你公寓的过程中埃斯特都在沉思。

“大胆,对吧?”你们两个在红绿灯前等待过马路时,埃斯特自言自语地说。

你皱起眉头。

“什么?”

“没什么好担心的,”埃斯特笑着说,她选择用拇指抚摸你的手背。

那天晚上晚些时候,你的手机在厨房台面上发出了噪音,你在屏幕上滑动时皱起了眉头,没有认出小通知泡泡中的用户名。

轻轻点了一下,你就认出了酒吧里那个中国女孩的形象。

“哦,”你惊讶地说。之前让我玩飞镖的那个女孩刚刚在照片墙上关注了我。我都不知道她怎么找到我的。我应该接受吗?”

埃斯特坐在沙发上,保持安静。

你皱着眉头,决定锁上手机,让请求留在那里没有回应;这是以后的问题。

现在,你和埃斯特一起坐在沙发上,坐在对面。

 “ 埃斯特?”

“嘿,艾莉,”埃斯特说,望着阳台的玻璃门。即使从你坐的地方,你也可以看到她的目光在城市的风景上游移,在灯光上徘徊。

“怎么了?”

“你还记得我让你看着我吗,因为再过几年我就会对自己有信心了?那是在你去格林奈尔之前的那天——你吻我的那次?”

“我——”好像你忘记一样。你感觉喉咙很干。在这么多次的讨论中,你无法相信现在就发生了,在某个随机的周五晚上,在你公寓的客厅里,你刚从某个随机的酒吧回来,埃斯特刚刚被一些随机的男人赞美,一些随机的女孩刚刚在照片墙上加了你,然后——“是的,我记得。”

艾斯特似乎直起身来,她转过身去,看着你的眼睛,毫不动摇。

“你现在在看着我吗?”她问。

“好像你不知道似的,”你告诉她,吞咽着,“你知道我的眼睛离不开你。”

“你确定吗,异教徒?”她带着戏弄的口吻进一步问道。

“百分之百,”你说,绝对严肃。

“很好,”埃斯特凑近身子低声说,“因为我现在也确定了。”

你猛地吸了一口气,甚至没有注意到这个空间是如何消失的——你发誓,不到一秒钟前,她还在沙发的另一边。然而她就在那里,在你的空间里,额头几乎贴着你的额头,你的心在你的胸口剧烈地跳动着,蜂鸟在你的肚子里扑腾,因为蝴蝶不可能造成这种感觉。

,”你在敬畏中低语,因为即使在你的公寓灯光下,埃斯特也是美丽的,她是一位女神,你被她吸引,就像飞蛾被火焰吸引;因为即使曾经从六个角度写柏拉图,你的整个词汇库似乎已经抛弃了你,连带清晰的表达能力。

我的,”这是埃斯特所说的全部,然后她扣住你的后颈把你拉进,像她迫切需要的空气一样呼吸着你,柔软的嘴唇像云朵一样拂过柔软的嘴唇;她把手指钻进你毛衣的褶边,像花朵寻找太阳一样寻找你。

你哽咽着发出湿漉漉的笑声,一滴眼泪在你像海洋一样向前涌动之前逃了出来;你亲吻她,就像你在雨后看到的蓝天一样。

埃斯特·弗洛雷斯尝起来就像日出,你怎么都品味不够。

早晨,你随着日益增长的光线起来,醒来发现你躺在床上,一种温暖和完整的感觉像鼓点一样在你的身体里跳动。你必须克制住把手指缠绕在埃斯特黑色头发里的冲动,黑发轻轻地披在皮肤上,躺在白色的床单和被子上。

埃斯特把她的头放在你的胸前,她的耳朵紧贴着你的心脏,她像考拉一样紧紧地抱着你,尽可能地靠近你。

不过她一定能感觉到你的动作,因为她马上就会喃喃自语一些无法理解的东西,并试图在你的身体里钻得更深。一缕头发落在她的脸上,你低声笑着举起一只手把它别回去。

“很粘人是吧?”你戏谑地、深情地说。

埃斯特只是轻哼着。

“它提醒我这是真实的,”她喃喃地说,嘴唇在你的皮肤上移动,就在你开始在她的背上画圆圈的时候。“意味着我们都在这里。”

“我们都在这里,”你重复着,试图把她抱得更紧,直到两者之间没有空隙。也许这是来自某人的信号,你的想法和她的想法在分开这么久之后仍然平行。你的生活中有个埃斯特·弗洛雷斯那么大的洞,你自己都不知道是怎么熬过来的,但现在你无法想象没有她的生活。“我不知道如果我留在斯夸哈米什会发生什么。我不知道我的决定是否正确。”

“‘生活中最艰难的选择不是在对与错之间,而是在对与最好之间’,不是吗?”埃斯特突然说,穿过你的思绪,透过依然昏昏欲睡的眼睛凝视着你,她的嘴角浮现出一丝温柔的微笑。

“《悲喜边缘的旅馆》,”你轻笑着说,捋了捋她的头发。“你读了?”

“读完了,”埃斯特纠正道,然后她抬起手来挤了挤你的手,挤了挤眼睛。“我从头到尾都被迷住了。”她轻哼着。“我们似乎对渴望的东西有偏好,是吧?那么你怎么看呢?”

“我认为我们做了最好的决定,”你说。埃斯特重新躺在你的胸前,倾听你的心跳。“我们真的很需要那四年——或许不是所有的四年都是必要的,但你知道,小别胜新婚,或者其他什么的。”

“不管怎样,我们有足够的时间来弥补这一切,”她表示同意,然后停顿了一下。“你找到信仰了吗?”

“我不需要那么多寻找,我只需要等待。”你告诉她。

埃斯特没有对此说什么——她只是微笑,明亮而大胆,而宇宙有史以来最伟大的杰作,就在你的怀里。

“‘家有多漂亮并不重要,重要的是它有家的感觉,’”你引用了这句话,你心中的某些部分因为一个轻快的笑声是如何从埃斯特冒出来的而以尽可能最好的方式感到疼痛。

“你是说我有家的感觉吗,艾莉·楚?”她厚颜无耻地问道,站起来把吻压在你的嘴角,在那一刻,你可以移山。

“差不多吧,埃斯特·弗洛雷斯,”你咧着嘴笑着说,感觉你的世界已经转了个方向,宇宙的宁静在你的口袋里;一个新的开始。

“薇薇安·辛,我请你跟我跳舞

——《面子》,2004

分类
femslash Meta 写作 原创 女权主义 影评 个人存档

【Meta】我们酷儿女性需要什么样的萨福影视

《厌女套路,角色塑造和女权主义创作》粉丝分析系列(4)特别篇又名《ALOTO和狄金森花式鉴赏大会》《顺直男滚出去这里是酷儿女性的地盘》

  • 系好安全带,这将是2.1万字关于酷儿历史、酷儿文化和荧幕酷儿形象的长篇大论x
  • 触发警告:提及恐同恐双恐跨内容,但没有太过具体的,请酌情阅读。
  • 本文经过其他几位LBTQA友友检验,我爱你们❤

酷儿女性长久以来都渴望在媒体上看到属于自己的代表。尽管社会慢慢变得更加开放,但荧幕上的酷儿女性还是不够多,形象不够多元,酷儿女性角色被边缘化,被性化,被随意杀死的例子更是数不胜数。之前我们已经谈过因为顺直白男中心主义和恐同的审核制度的影响造成了杀死同性恋(Bury Your Gays)酷儿编码(Queer-coding),接下来我们将要深入探究一下酷儿文化和酷儿历史,以及探讨2022年的现在,作为长久以来被忽视被隐身的酷儿女性,我们到底需要什么样的影视代表。

与本系列其他文章略有不同的是,本文专门讨论影视作品。在论述为什么之前,我们先非常迅速地看看(看似毫不相干但联系非常紧密的)女性配对同人历史:她们基本上都是由酷儿女性本身创作的,而目前亚马逊上热销的女性同性爱情读物的作者们呢——猜猜看——她们也大多数前同人作者,那些小说的前身很多也是同人文。这些作品是酷儿女性书写的酷儿女性故事,是她们自己的故事。而电影和电视剧,在目前社会来说受众范围比起同人和通俗小说要广泛得多,可是遗憾的是,把握这些行业的人通常并不是酷儿女性,而是傲慢的、无知的保守顺直白男。早期荧幕上的酷儿女性形象,很多并不是真实的酷儿女性形象。但当女性想要拍女同性恋电影的时候,却又很难获得资金支持。《卡罗尔》花了数十年才上映,《打开心世界》的女性导演表示为女性领衔、女性导演的电影获得资金非常困难,酷儿女性们很难在荧幕上发出自己的声音。

杀死同性恋VS取消同性恋

在网飞几乎无宣传情况下在全球成功登上平台前十热门影视、和同平台爆火的《怪奇物语》并列的《一猎钟情》(First Kill)却在不到两个月后被网飞宣布取消,粉丝们愤怒地将#取消网飞订阅tag刷上趋势并开始质疑,什么时候杀死同性恋套路换了另一种更低调的方式,以“收视率不够”(我们都知道这是个谎言,拜托,FK可是有能和《怪奇物语》并列的热度诶)的理由砍掉每一部酷儿女性影视剧?有着第一个有色人种酷儿女性角色的超英电影《超凡战队》(Power Rangers 2017)(你没看错,不是漫威的,不是《永恒族》,这个酷儿角色也不是男性)被砍,《超感八人组》被砍,《吉卜赛人》被砍,《赏金猎人姐妹花》被砍,《非我所愿》被砍,《荒野》被砍,《送报女孩》被砍,《拉契特》第二季仍没有消息,《杀死伊芙》史诗级的烂尾了,迪士尼对《猫头鹰魔法社》里女主角Luz和另一个女巫Amity之间的浪漫关系正式化并不感兴趣并为此缩短了该剧的时长,CW砍掉了所有主角不是白人男性或者异性恋女性的剧(《蝙蝠女侠》《明日传奇》均被砍,《超女》完结),《绅士杰克》被半取消,再加上《一猎钟情》被砍;另一方面,两个白人酷儿男性角色为主角的《好兆头》决定要拍第二季,尽管本来是一部限定剧;另一部两个白人酷儿男性为主角的《心跳漏跳一拍》在第一季后直接续订了两季;大火的《海盗旗升起》,一对酷儿男性为主角的电视剧,也毫无疑问地被续订了(好吧,至少这次终于不是双白男了,难得有个非白人男性酷儿角色)(嘲讽语气);还有臭名昭著的厌女又卖腐的《邪恶力量》,整整拍了15季!

大公司以及大众是如此的偏爱顺性别的苍白男孩并借此标榜自己的“进步性”,却总是忽视酷儿女性的存在。顺性别的苍白男孩的酷儿性就是美好的爱情,“爱就是爱”,但酷儿女性就是“太政治正确”“太觉醒一代”了,对吧?即使大公司们真的制作了酷儿女性的影视剧,他们也倾向于更少的宣传。看看满大街小巷的《好兆头》《心跳漏跳一拍》海报恨不得贴在所有人脸上进行宣传(当然,这些白人男性主角电视剧里有酷儿女性,有有色人种女性,甚至还不是只有一句台词的路人甲,但是!她们仍是配角,并且观众和粉丝在85%的时间里都忘记了她们),可黑人酷儿吸血鬼猎人的故事得到的宣传就是……零。全靠粉丝自己卖安利。苹果TV的《狄金森》剧的第三季也就是最后一季完全没有得到足够的宣传。同样的事情一次又一次地发生在其他酷儿女性影视剧身上,大部分有萨福女性主线的电影和电视剧都更少被宣传。就算酷儿女性粉丝们(还有演员们)如此热爱一部剧自己亲自卖安利,看的人不是一般的多,但它们还是被取消了。“我们拍了,但是不宣传,所以最后收视不佳所以只能取消,我们真的没有恐同”,这是新的“杀死同性恋”套路,取消*女*同性恋。虽然她们存在,但是她们不被允许存在多于两季。我们需要的不仅仅是象征性的酷儿女性(Token Lesbian),不是仅仅作为配角存在的酷儿女性角色,酷儿女性角色和她们的故事不是大公司用来营销自己“进步性”的工具,她们需要更长的银幕时间,更多样的形象,更多的故事。

酷儿编码VS酷儿营销

第一篇文章里,我们已经提到过酷儿编码起源于制度性的恐同。虽然酷儿编码曾经是一种反抗,酷儿编码的角色也不总是坏的,也曾给酷儿群体提供一种认同感,但海斯法典早已被抛入历史的尘埃之后,写酷儿角色不再是一种“不可能”,而更多是“想不想”的问题。利欲熏心的影业想要酷儿经济的热度(想想狂热的cp粉丝能带来多少热度吧),却又唯恐丢失了保守观众基本盘,于是奸诈的编剧/导演/制片/影业高层在影视作品中插入酷儿主题或暗示角色可能是酷儿的行为,营造角色之间的性张力,其唯一目的是吸引更多的观众,但却从不正面确认角色之间的关系,甚至可能积极否认这些角色可能是酷儿的可能性,这就是酷儿营销(Queerbaiting)。酷儿编码和酷儿营销有着类似之处,都是暗示酷儿主题但从不正面承认。区别在于,酷儿营销是为了提高热度,酷儿编码则更加中性,尽管酷儿编码的角色经常充满了刻板印象,或者是反派,导致对酷儿特征的贬义认知。举个例子,《希瑞与非凡的公主们》在第五季确认主角们的酷儿身份之前,这些角色们的酷儿性是小心翼翼暗示的,是酷儿编码(实际上,主创N·D·史蒂文森不得不向影业高层抗争才换来酷儿角色的正式化,所以之前一直是酷儿编码)。而迪士尼的《寻龙传说》,主角拉雅和纳玛莉之间的关系被许多粉丝认为是酷儿营销。

酷儿营销从本质上来说实际上是恐同且厌女的。因为酷儿营销绝对不承认角色的酷儿身份,因此相当于否定了酷儿身份,甚至有些编剧会强硬的否认角色可能是酷儿的可能性(比如BBC的《神探夏洛克》),尽管对于酷儿粉丝来说,这种身份经历和性张力是不可错认的。因为不承认角色的酷儿身份,那么必须是强制异性恋。男男酷儿营销中,那个被拉郎的倒霉女性角色会承担大量的恨意,男角色并不是真心喜欢她因为他们显然更喜欢的是他的“兄弟”,粉丝不喜欢她,甚至编剧也不喜欢她,纯粹将她当做工具人,贬低她,扁平化她,使她不讨喜。而这种恨意甚至会蔓延到现实演员身上,看看多少男男酷儿营销剧里女性演员经受的网络暴力吧。或者是真人配对粉丝对男明星的女朋友的仇恨和骚扰。对于女性酷儿营销剧来说,强制异性恋让女性角色痛苦不堪。她们变成了任由编剧摆布的玩偶,和根本无法理解她的、脑子里只有上床结婚和生子的平庸男人谈恋爱,压抑着她们对自己“朋友”的爱意(骂的就是你,《妙女神探》《超女》《童话镇》)。对于女性来说,酷儿营销不仅仅是恐同,更是一种恐女同症(Lesbophobia)。对于根本不在乎女同性恋的恐同粉丝来说,ta们会倾向于认为,“为什么你们一定认为两个女性之间非得有浪漫之情?两个女人之间就不能是友情吗?”而酷儿营销的男同剧粉却少有遭遇如此广泛而深刻的歧视和网络暴力。尽管两个男人对视一眼都能被当做是性暗示,但女孩之间哪怕是一起亲热都可以只是“非常好的朋友”,对吧?酷儿女性长期以来都是被隐形的,她们即使就在眼前也是不存在的,酷儿营销则强化了这种隐形,是非常有毒的。酷儿营销强化了异性恋正统,让酷儿粉丝得不到ta们所需要的代表,是对酷儿群体尤其是酷儿女性的抹消(Queer Erasure)。而现在,我们需要的是更多的正式化的酷儿女性故事,让酷儿关系正式化,而不是用来营销的噱头。

年代女同性恋作品VS更多元的女同影视作品

如果我们看看主流电影里的女同性恋形象……有没有发现大部分都是年代作品?《卡罗尔》《马斯顿教授和神奇女侠》《燃烧女子的肖像》《圣母》《菊石》《小姐》《薇塔与弗吉尼亚》《告诉蜜蜂》《打开心世界》……压倒性多数的白人/精英/瘦削的/女性化的女同性恋荧幕形象是最主流化、最多预算、最容易获奖的。影视行业认为白人女同性恋的年代作品更受欢迎、更具市场价值、话题更“安全”,则排除了不符合以上标准的女同性恋。作为亚裔酷儿女性,我们都知道现实并非如此。并且,这类作品用《周六夜现场》的吐槽来说就是容易趋向于同质化,“由两位敢不化妆的直女演员主演。十二行对话,两个半小时的时长。唯一的女同性恋演员,演的是冷漠的前女友。悲伤的调情、符合期待的摸手和激烈的(有时尴尬的)性爱场景。”虽然《周六夜现场》的小品演绎更多是玩笑性质,但这也引出了一个问题:直人演员可以/适合扮演酷儿角色吗?直人可以/适合编写制作酷儿影视吗?虽然大家总是逃不过被那么一些已婚有娃直女演员吸引吧(摊手),但是更值得探讨的问题是这个:为什么公开出柜的女性演员/编剧/导演/制作人容易被歧视、失去机会、被迫扮演非常有限的几种角色、被批评不够“直”?而直人演员/编导能轻易获得最具潜力、最受关注的酷儿角色/作品?理论上来说,直人和酷儿没什么不同,尽管有人认为直人没法写好/演出酷儿性;但如果一个酷儿演员/编导只是没有出柜呢,ta会被当做是直人,但ta其实并不是,而我们也不能强迫没有准备好的人出柜。不过更重要的也更现实的问题是,出柜的酷儿演员/编导会面临直人演员不会面临的恐同仇恨和歧视。所以,我们需要的是给已出柜的酷儿演员/编导更多的机会,让酷儿演员扮演酷儿角色,让酷儿编剧写酷儿角色,而不是为了受众把酷儿角色、酷儿作品交给更有名的非酷儿创作者、表演者。

年代酷儿作品还经常以悲剧为主(虽然并不全是),并且观众有时甚至期待悲剧,因为“受限于年代”嘛。一个现实的问题就是,因为性别歧视和恐同,酷儿们更容易抑郁,自杀率更高。另一个现实的问题是,看负面的、悲剧的酷儿影视,会更容易让酷儿青少年产生抑郁情绪,尤其是许多酷儿作品都含有自杀、死亡,或者不能在一起的悲剧。而如果看看酷儿女性自己创作的同人作品就会发现,尽管同人作者一样热爱谈论内化的恐同症,制度性恐同歧视以及酷儿群体对恐同症的反击,但同人会更加专注于讲述酷儿的快乐(Queer Joy),或者探索困惑,而不只是残酷的恐同症或者酷儿角色的悲惨挣扎。仔细了解一下酷儿历史,看到那些酷儿们即使是在制度性歧视最严重的时刻也找到了属于自己的快乐,谁能说酷儿群体只有悲剧和挣扎呢?在这一点上,《她们的联盟》(A League of Their Own)(我拒绝使用官方的性别主义翻译)就做得相当的好。《她们的联盟》是一部讲述二战期间女子棒球队的美剧,那是美国最恐同的年代(之一),但这部剧没有聚焦于恐同症导致的痛苦和心碎,而是专注于描绘酷儿们的快乐——并且直接地告诉你,本剧的主要女性角色都是酷儿,女子棒球队里大概35%的女人都是酷儿,她们即使在恐同的联盟千方百计地防范女同性恋倾向的时候都找到了自己的方式享受快乐。这让《她们的联盟》成为了最姬的一部剧,和本剧的主创就是🌈有关:两位主创艾比·雅各森(Abbi Jacobson)和威尔·格雷厄姆(Will Graham)都是酷儿,编剧团队里大概一半人也都是酷儿;艾比·雅各森说,“酷儿故事往往都很悲剧。我是说,到目前为止的酷儿故事。在我们的节目中,作为酷儿在那个时候有着毁灭性和危险的一面(指可能被警察抓捕、实名被公开登载在报纸上、或者被性骚扰被谋杀),但是我们也真的在努力展示其中的快乐,牺牲,以及所有这些东西。”与此同时,这部剧与1992年那部同名电影那样清一色的白人卡司不同,这部剧也没有忽视黑人酷儿女性。本剧除了讨论艾比·雅各森扮演的角色卡森和《善地》主演达西卡登(D’Arcy Carden)扮演的角色格雷塔之间的爱情故事之外,麦克辛·查普曼对性别和取向的探索也是最主要的一条剧情线,还有麦克辛和克兰斯,两个黑人女性之间的柏拉图友谊。

年代酷儿作品以及一部分批评恐同歧视的电影还有一个问题就是,它们往往假设性别歧视和恐同歧视是“一段已经过去的糟糕历史”,或者“一群充满偏见的人的个人行为”。但我们都知道哪怕时代已经进步了不少(相对来说吧),但进步一直是缓慢的、不完善的。制度化的恐同歧视依旧广泛存在世界各地,仍然有人每天面临歧视,甚至更糟,面临生命威胁。哪怕是一些已经消除了表面上的制度性歧视的地方,社会和文化层面上依旧残留着对LGBTQ群体的偏见和刻板印象。恐同歧视是制度化的,是由整个社会完成的,正如性别歧视一样;我们需要更多谈论结构性的恐同歧视和性别歧视的影视作品,这也是后Metoo时代的任务:挑战整个不公正不合理的制度,而不是把歧视单一化成为“个人的行为”,或者“一段已经消失的过去”。

除了年代作品,现在也越来越多现代设定的、不再专注于出柜或者应对无休止的恐同、而是专注于酷儿快乐纯粹讲述一个爱情故事的女爱女(WLW,women love women的缩写)影视了,比如说我们有《悸动》(Crush),电影里“学校中70%的人都是酷儿”,女主角大概在刚会走路的时候就没在柜子里了,然后她爱上了另一个女孩儿——在这部电影里,酷儿关系是正常化的,酷儿青少年的烦恼不再是“深柜”“出柜”“被恐同同学霸凌”,而是和其他所有拍过了无数遍的异性恋青少年恋爱喜剧电影一样,烦恼的是“暗恋”。或者《真心半解》(The Half of it),两个困惑的互相暗恋的高中女孩的爱情故事。或者《一猎钟情》,两个女同性恋爱上了对方,她们家长很不高兴但不是因为恐同,而是因为——她们来自互相敌对的两个家庭(非常罗密欧与朱丽叶,反转异性恋套路大好评)。还有《希瑞和非凡的公主们》《猫头鹰魔法社》这类酷儿动画片。如果酷儿小孩们能从小就看着这样正常化酷儿的存在的故事长大,或许ta们能更容易认识自己了解自己,不用再在羞耻和痛苦中苦苦挣扎。

那么年代作品不够好吗?也并非如此。酷儿年代作品是一种重新书写历史、重新夺回叙事的题材。历史上,酷儿女性的存在一直被无视,被抹除,被嘲笑。而年代酷儿作品——无论是改编自真实故事还是虚构的——都是重新解读历史、挑战传统历史观点,重新讲述我们的故事。92年版的《她们的联盟》里,酷儿从来都不是主题;而22年《她们的联盟》剧版,主线就是四十年代的酷儿女性。还有《绅士杰克》,还原历史上真实的女同性恋历史人物,讲述安妮·李斯特传奇的一生。或者《狄金森》,讲述了美国最伟大的诗人艾米丽·狄金森和她的隐秘爱情——她和她的嫂子苏珊·吉尔伯特的关系。《狄金森》虽然是一部年代剧,但刻意使用了不符合年代背景的现代化台词和现代流行音乐(还有泰勒·斯威夫特,gaylor stan赢了!)拉进了观众和主角的关系,让历史上的艾米丽·狄金森讲述她自己的故事,谈论她的价值观、幽默感和她的酷儿爱情,展示了一个被世人忽略了太久的酷儿女性的生平。《狄金森》不像大部分年代剧一样厚重、庄严,它充满激情,叛逆、魔幻、好玩,探讨了诗歌,名誉,爱情,艺术,战争,种族和死亡,以及艾米丽和苏对她们酷儿身份的探索。不像其他年代剧里充斥着恐同症的陈词滥调,在这部剧里,酷儿是正常化的,所以哪怕艾米丽的哥哥撞见艾米丽和苏亲吻,他的反应也不是“你居然喜欢女人!”而是“你居然喜欢我的未婚妻!”在一次艾米丽的幻想中,她和惠特曼一起神游到了纽约的同性恋酒吧,她在惠特曼的鼓励下大声喊出“我爱苏!我想要她!我永远想和她在一起!如果我现在要死了,我唯一想要的就是苏!”在另一次穿越到未来的幻想中,艾米丽向自己的妹妹拉维尼亚出柜了,承认她一直都爱着苏,而她妹妹非常柔和地回应,“我想我一直都知道。我觉得你真的非常幸运有一个你真正爱的人与你共度余生。”在这里,爱上同性并不是一件可怕而痛苦的事情;艾米丽对苏的感觉并不围绕愧疚、抱歉或者渎神而展开,苏,是艾米丽最好的朋友,是她的姐妹,也是她的爱人,还是她创作的缪斯(把《睡魔》里卡利俄珀的那集吊起来打!)。苏爱艾米丽,但同时作为已婚的女人她要直面自己压抑的情感,她要处理自己与丈夫的关系,她要理解艾米丽对创作的专注。无论是艾米丽还是苏,她们的形象都不只由她们的酷儿身份定义;但她们之间的爱情,也是剧集最主要的剧情之一。这就是好的年代酷儿剧。这就是好的酷儿女性代表。

《她们的联盟》(A League of Their Own),乔·德卢卡,卡森·肖,格雷塔·吉尔还有麦克辛·查普曼,她们四个有着完全不同的形象,但是她们都是酷儿女性。

总而言之,我们需要更多元的年代酷儿影视,无论是风格上还是角色形象上,因为我们一直存在;我们也需要更多更现代的酷儿影视作品,因为我们还将继续存在。我们需要格雷塔·吉尔这样高度女性化的女同性恋形象,我们也需要乔·德卢卡那样男性化的大码女同性恋形象;我们需要《唐人街战士》(Warriors)里的亚裔双性恋义警,我们也需要《她们的联盟》中在探索自己身份的黑人女同性恋;我们需要毫不抱歉自由狂野地追求自己想要的梦想的酷儿女孩,也需要害羞的不敢和暗恋的女孩搭讪的萨福书呆子。我们需要更多酷儿参与编写制作的酷儿作品,而不是主导影视行业的顺直白男幻想写作的酷儿女性影视作品。

隐身的女同性恋VS标签

《亢奋》第一季在上线后迎来了大量好评,因为里面的酷儿角色不使用标签(至少是在第二季的惨败之前……所以说顺直白男根本不会写酷儿角色,第一季到第二季证明了山姆·李文森只是瞎猫碰上死耗子,顺直白男滚出酷儿故事讲述领域!),而同样广受好评的《心跳漏跳一拍》里,两位女同性恋角色决定公开出柜,特别强调了“女同性恋”一词,同样在酷儿女性社群里广受赞誉。为什么?因为不使用标签和标签本身一样重要。

很长一段时间里,人们都忽视女同性恋的存在,以至于并没有专门的词用来形容女同性恋。女同性恋(Lesbian)一词来自女同性恋诗人萨福居住的岛屿莱斯博斯(Lesbos),但她因为同性倾向而被愚蠢的父权社会严重忽视了,因为毫无想象力的男性显然无法想象“女性拥有智力”或者“没有男性参与的性行为”,所以直到19世纪才第一次有人使用“女同性恋”一词来指代受到同性吸引的女性。但直到20世纪60年代和70年代第二波女权主义和石墙运动的开始,“女同性恋”一词才开始流行起来。尽管酷儿社群里对标签的探讨已经扩大了许多,越来越多人开始使用更包容性的(比如萨福、女爱女、酷儿等等)或者更具体的(比如双性恋、泛性恋、同性浪漫倾向无性恋、女性恋等等)称呼,但影视中的女同性恋的性取向却经常是模棱两可的。她们从不说自己喜欢男人,她们只和女人发生关系,但她们从不使用女同性恋这个词。

不过当然,看在各种标签流行起来之前的酷儿女性在一片空白中探索取向也是件有趣的事情。在《绅士杰克》里,安妮·李斯特说,“我只爱相同的性别。”在《狄金森》里,艾米丽·狄金森对苏说,“你或许是他的妻子,但我是你的。”在《她们的联盟》里,正在探索自己的双性恋倾向的卡森和一直知道自己喜欢女性的女同性恋麦克辛用面包和披萨比喻对异性和同性的吸引。麦克辛在她的跨性别叔叔的鼓励和支持下,通过服装和发型来探索自己对女性气质和男性气质的偏好。

艾米丽·狄金森,you’re so whipped-

另一方面,“女同性恋”这个词已经在媒体上被贬低了,因为我们对控制它的人没有任何意义。南加州大学2017年的一项研究显示,在过去100年制作的前100部电影中,有96% 是由男性导演的,而《名利场》(Variety)2016年的一项研究显示,新剧本的制作人中,近80%是男性。其结果就是荧幕上只有两种女同性恋刻板印象:一种是高度性化的二维女性,她们只是为了满足异性恋男性的一些色情幻想;另一种是平淡乏味的女性,她们只是为了一个空洞的目的服务。前者是一个女同性恋者对直男有意义的唯一方式的投射,而后者是直男对一个女人对他完全不感兴趣的反应,尽可能地使她在情节中变得无聊和不重要。

当影视作品里使用女同性恋这个词时,要么指的是一个过度性感的女人,要么是一个因为对男人不感兴趣而有问题的女人。与此同时,女孩们在长大的过程中被教育“女同性恋是一件坏事”,“女同性恋”是一个会被嘲笑的标签,如果有女孩打扮得不符合性别规范,那么她就会被嘲笑为“女同性恋”,尽管性别表达并不等同于性取向,“女同性恋”也不是一个脏话。当“女同性恋”一词被污名化,就会让很多女同性恋不敢正视自己的性取向,于是导致了内化的恐同症。内化的恐同症把这些关于性取向的想法转向内心,相信它们是真实的,并导致自我憎恨,对心理健康产生巨大影响,同时也会影响你的思想、感觉和行为。

这就是为什么正常化“女同性恋”这个词、让角色大声说出“我是女同性恋”很重要。这不仅仅是“女同性恋”不是一个肮脏的词语,我们需要去污名化。尽管“同性恋/弯的”“酷儿”(gay/queer)这两个词也经常被用作形容一个女性的性取向,但“女同性恋”(lesbian)一词是强调了女性身份同性恋身份,这两个身份指的是同一个人。现实生活中,女同性恋和男同性恋会面临不同的问题,因为,女同性恋……不是男同性恋的性转版。因为她们不仅是同性恋,她们还是女性。她们会遭受性别歧视恐同歧视的交叉。所以,我们需要“酷儿”这样的包容性的标签或者干脆不用标签,我们也需要“女同性恋”一词,尤其是在谈论歧视问题的时候。更进一步的,我们需要包容性的称呼,也需要具体的称呼,因为总有人认同这个或者那个标签,而我们无法逃避真实的自我。酷儿(Queer)、女同性恋(Lesbian)、双性恋(Bisexual)、0(Top)、1(Bottom)、Butch/Femme,T/P/H等等,细分的标签在异性恋霸权的社会就像猫咪喜欢纸盒一样给一部分人提供了认同感和舒适感,是酷儿群体更容易找到认识自我的方法之一(但是没有猫会永远待在盒子里不是吗,我们又不是薛定谔的猫)。高度女性化的女同性恋(Lipstick Lesbian)在现实中存在。男性化的女同性恋(Butch Lesbian)在现实中存在。非二元性别认同、但能部分认同女爱女或者萨福这类术语的人在现实中存在。影视里展现这些女同性恋形象没有任何问题,问题在于一些偏离现实的影视形象中把这样那样的女同性恋形象贬低为一维的安全无害的角色(对高度女性化的女同性恋角色),或者过于夸张的、只是模仿男性的角色(对男性化的女同性恋)。需要记住的是,女性气质和男性气质不是固定的,任何术语和标签也只是标签而已,你可以认同其中的一个或者几个,或者部分认同一些标签,也可能不认同任何一个标签。我们使用标签是为了更方便理解自己,最终的目的是为了撕下标签让每一个人都能自由生活,不必活在方方正正的小盒子里。

隐身的双性恋VS恐双症

如果说电影电视剧里不谈论“女同性恋”,那么对“双性恋”更是避而不谈,尽管有些角色非常明确地表示喜欢女人男人。如果说一些女同性恋角色会用“弯的”(gay)形容自己,那么……双性恋更是烫嘴,电视上的角色就像不谈论布鲁诺一样不谈论“双性恋”。在《拉字至上》里,剧集倾向于把双性恋角色描绘为负面的,被许多粉丝指责非常恐双。在《女子监狱》里,“双性恋”就出现了一次,还是主角派帕·查普曼的(前)未婚夫的一条困惑的评论(“bi or something”),然后是派帕自己的“我不是同性恋”(“I’m not gay”)和艾利克斯的评价“你在金赛性学量表上的得分比我低”,除此之外就没有了,尽管几乎在前四季里派帕都一直在探索她的取向以及和女朋友还有(前)未婚夫的关系。剧版《迷离劫》里,米拉很明显是一个双性恋女性,她有过女朋友,也有过男朋友;但在最后一集里,编剧让她说“我觉得我从来没有喜欢女性,我只是恰好喜欢某个同性”,她的双性恋身份被抹除了。在《十九号消防局》里,玛雅·毕肖普用了“半同性恋”(“half gay”)一词,在《赏金猎人姐妹花》(Teenage Bounty Hunters)里,斯特林·韦斯利说,“我的取向是在蓝色,粉色和紫色之间”(“I’d be in the blue-pink-purple part”),这正好是双性恋骄傲旗帜的颜色——但是她们就是不说“双性恋”。但不能太双性恋了套路(But Not Too Bi Trope)在媒体上普遍存在,由于对双性恋的刻板印象依然非常普遍——无论是在酷儿群体内部还是来自外部的偏见——以至于影视中对双性恋的描绘也通常是模棱两可的、有偏见的、含混的,或者直接羞于谈论这个话题。早期电影里,双性恋女性角色等同于危险邪恶的蛇蝎美人,她们引诱、腐化和利用男人和女人、计划谋杀或者谋取私利,她们“出轨”的性取向是对社会的威胁。要么就是双性恋身份被当做笑料,人们认为“双性恋生性放荡不可信任”,或者“双性恋压根不存在”只是“困惑的一个阶段”。对于双性恋女性来说,她们的双性恋身份会被剥削(无论是影视中还是现实中),人们认为双性恋女性亲吻同性只是为了“寻求男性的注意”,而(异性恋男人主导的)影视中,把女性和女性之间的亲密场景当做营销的噱头。

因为目前社会对二元性别的痴迷,以至于现实中依旧有人认为双性恋不存在、只是一个阶段,或者认为双性恋必须是受到同性和异性的吸引是一半一半,但双性恋并不是二元的;双性恋是对有能力被两个或者两个以上的性别吸引的群体的总称,这种受到多种性别吸引的情感/浪漫/性吸引不一定是同时发生、以同样的方式或同样的程度发生。不过,因为二元性别制的根深蒂固和对双性恋的误解如此广泛,于是双性恋抹除(Bi Erasure)便发生了。另一方面,在现实中双性恋者经常表示在 LGBTQ+空间感到不受欢迎,并且在LGBTQ+社区内遭受歧视的比例要高得多,而且双性恋女性最容易遭受亲密关系暴力,比例高于同性恋女性和异性恋女性还有双性恋男性。这也导致了内化的恐双症。正如内化的恐同症一样,内化的恐双症是对自己性取向的负面感觉和他人所相信的成见的内化,有内化恐双症的双性恋会更容易出现心理健康问题,也比单性恋者更容易有自杀倾向。

就像现实中一样,影视中的双性恋角色也很少谈论恐双症,以及双性恋这个取向本身。《心跳漏跳一拍》可能是这么多年来第一部认真谈论双性恋的酷儿中心影视作品了。在这部剧里,尼克,一个双性恋男性,发现了自己受到另一个男性的吸引,但他发现自己也同样被女性吸引。他和另一位公开出柜的女同性恋塔拉交谈后得知她只受到女性吸引,而他认为即使他喜欢男孩,但他也喜欢女孩。最终,弄清楚了自己取向的尼克向妈妈以双性恋身份而不是同性恋身份出柜,尽管他有个同性恋人。《心跳漏跳一拍》是一部很棒的公开大声谈论双性恋的电视剧,但……尼克不是女性。双性恋女性因为是女性而有着和双性恋男性截然不同的处境。

这就是《她们的联盟》的伟大之处。主创艾比·雅各森(同时也在剧中饰演卡森·肖)表示,她自己的出柜故事塑造了这部电视剧,和她本人一样,剧中跨越大半个国家参加女子棒球队的卡森·肖有着和她相似的出柜故事。已婚的卡森在遇到格雷塔·吉尔后开始探索自己的取向,一个在成年后发现自己酷儿身份的人,她发现自己爱自己的丈夫,但她意识到她也受到格雷塔的吸引。她在意外闯入一个同性恋酒吧后发现,有这么多元形象的酷儿女性存在着。卡森和另一位是女同性恋的酷儿女性麦克辛进行了一段非常具有启发性的对话,她们用面包和披萨指代对男性和女性的偏好——因为四十年代女同性恋和双性恋这些词还并不流行——她发现自己和麦克辛不一样,她既会受到同性的吸引,也会受到异性的吸引,最终她承认她也爱格雷塔。“我能与它产生共鸣,因为这是我的故事。我认为写这个角色帮助我更好地理解我的生活,这是这份工作很重要的一部分。”艾比说。

当然,现在我们有了越来越多的双性恋女性影视代表,她们自我认同为双性恋或者泛性恋,有时候会以双性恋身份公开出柜,并且她们的故事并不只关于她们的双性恋身份。在《实习医生格蕾》里,骨科医生凯丽·托雷斯(Callie Torres)向梅莉迪丝出柜为双性恋,并骄傲地宣称,“LGBTQ里有个B是有原因的,而不是因为牛逼(badass),好吧是有点儿。”在《布鲁克林99分局》(Brooklyn Nine-Nine)里,罗莎·迪亚兹(Rosa Diaz),一个拉丁裔双性恋女性,对她的双性恋身份直言不讳,虽然是喜剧,但该剧里也并没有将她的双性恋身份当做高度性化的刻板印象,或者笑料或者需要被解决的冲突。《性教育》(Sex Education)里,欧拉认为自己是泛性恋,并解释,“(泛性恋是)有关你和另一个人类的联系。”正面的酷儿形象是酷儿群体所急需的影视代表,这就是我们需要酷儿创作者的原因,因为我们需要看到真实的自己的形象,需要正面的模范(特别是当我们缺乏正面模范的时候),以便更好的理解自己、接纳自己。

《布鲁克林99分局》里的罗莎·迪亚兹

有时候一些作品里会对角色的身份保持暧昧态度,时不时留下明显的酷儿暗示,却从不明确定义角色为酷儿,尽管大家越来越接受了性向的流动性,但这样的影视容易被认为是酷儿营销,以及双性恋抹除。比如《完美音调2》里,安娜·肯德里克扮演的贝卡多次提到自己被一个女性对手吸引了,但她从未承认被定义为双性恋角色,最终被批评为酷儿营销。但几年后粉丝发现正是安娜·肯德里克推动了贝卡和克洛伊,本系列电影最热门的粉丝CP亲吻场景的拍摄,但恐同的影业最终删减掉了,因为“担心观众无法接受”(本BeChloe粉丝最近才知道这件事!已气疯)。与此同时,《亢奋》里的朱尔斯和男性以及女性都约会过,但她的取向在剧中一直是保持着“不使用标签”的模棱两可,有的人则担心这是双性恋抹除的一部分。我认为,我们既需要明确使用双/泛性恋标签的影视给广大饱受恐双症之苦的双性恋人群正面的模范,也需要不再使用标签,拥抱性取向流动性的作品。

深柜VS出柜

我们在上一期粉丝分析中已经提到,荧幕上的出柜故事有时候太千篇一律、太关注于周围人对酷儿角色的反应(无论是好的还是不好的),导致在这类酷儿故事中边缘化了酷儿角色本人。今天我们就来深入讨论一下荧幕上的出柜故事吧。荧幕上的出柜故事(无论是现实中的明星出柜还是虚构的角色出柜)一直都是一种鼓励,她们让更多酷儿小孩发现自己原来不是孤单的,世界上其他地方有和自己一样的人,给ta们勇气,让ta们能勇敢做自己。但现实中,很多酷儿的出柜并不是一次性的盛大演说,而是需要多次出柜。虚构作品中很多出柜通常在故事的结尾,但出柜不是一个结束,而是一个持续的状态。而且老实说,总是专注于出柜的酷儿故事实在让人厌倦,因为出柜并不是作为一个酷儿女性唯一的事情,甚至对于一些人来说出柜根本就不是作为酷儿女性的重点,所以除了出柜故事外,我们需要更多正常化酷儿身份的普通类型电影,是的,某某主角是酷儿女性,但是校园电影,但是职场剧,但是动画片。

另一方面,和男人睡过的女同套路(The Lesbian Who Sleeps With A Man Trope)真的是一个撕裂粉丝圈的话题……我的看法是,现实中确实存在这种现象,无论是被迫的(请注意,现实中矫正治疗或者“同性恋需要被矫正”的观念依旧存在,并且一些不得不进入异性恋婚姻的女同性恋们很少掌握在婚姻关系中的主动权,包括性主动权)还是在探索取向中的困惑,但是取向这种事情是本人的认同,所以绝对不能开除别人的女同籍,虽然她可能睡过男的,或者狭隘地认为“女同碰了男人就脏了/不是女同”“女同性恋做不到和男人睡所以她一定是双性恋不承认这点的话就是恐双”。不过,在媒体上“女同和男人睡”确实可能是非常危险非常有问题的套路,因为延续了危险的刻板印象,助长了“女同只是没有遇到好男人”“女同也会被男人吸引”“同性恋只是一个阶段”“女同最终会为合适的男人离开同性关系”等等有毒的刻板印象,还会增加女同被直男骚扰和侵犯的可能性。

但再一次,现实中确实存在这种事情。在《反叛女同》(Rebel Dykes)纪录片里,一位反叛女同提到,有时候女同性恋是会和同性恋男性发生关系。所以说怎么写这样的故事很重要,需要非常小心地对待。《孩子们都很好》(The Kids Are All Right)的导演承认有迎合男性观众的企图,而在这方面做得非常好的就是《她们的联盟》。麦克辛·查普曼在《她们的联盟》里是一个仍在探索性向与性别的酷儿女性,尽管在最初几集里我们看见她有一个秘密女性恋人,她很明显只喜欢女性,但她在母亲的高压下假装一切正常,我们可以看到她的挣扎和困惑。于是她去拜访了被她妈妈赶走的姨妈,结果发现她的姨妈是一位张扬的酷儿,以男性化的打扮出现在她面前,还有一位女性恋人。麦克辛被吓坏了,于是她慌乱地尝试和一个男性朋友发生关系。和男性发生关系的一幕并不浪漫或者性感或者有剥削感,而是喜剧性的、滑稽的,麦克辛完全无法集中注意力,也并不享受,镜头集中在麦克辛身上而不是性本身,最终她迅速地逃跑了。在之后她和卡森的交流里,她承认虽然和女性和男性都试过,但她只喜欢女性,“每个人都对她都有要求”让她不知所措了,最终她和卡森认为,需要有新词来形容她们。《她们的联盟》里每一个角色都有原型,而编剧组也足够多元,有酷儿黑人女性,也有酷儿白人女性,真正是酷儿女性写酷儿女性的故事,而不是为了安抚或者迎合有特权的顺直白男观众。

酷儿女性的欲望VS性化

前文我们已经提到,银幕上的一种女同性恋刻板印象是高度性化的,另一种则是无趣的(有时候也是无性的)。酷儿女性同时遭受着高度性化和酷儿身份的抹除和无效化。高度性化是对酷儿女性的物化和恋物崇拜,因为酷儿女性不是供男性凝视的乐子,我们是属于我们自己的人,我们的身份不是可以被用于营销的吸睛点。这种高度性化不仅在影视中常见,同样会蔓延到现实中。比如同性恋女性和双性恋女性遭遇直男的性骚扰甚至性暴力,因为他们认为他们可以“掰直”酷儿女性,或者想要享受“更多的乐子”。

影视里和现实中一样常见“强制双性恋”,即,男性要求两个女性亲吻为他们提供乐趣。一些男性导演的酷儿女性作品因为导演的男性视角导致亲密场景脱离实际不真实、甚至有时涉及性剥削。《阿黛尔的生活》的两位女主演曾指出阿布戴·柯西胥导演(男)强迫她们高强度工作,亲密场景拍摄时让人不适,有剥削之感(甚至两位演员都不愿意再和该导演合作);无独有偶,同样是主演了男性导演拍摄的《彼女》的女演员水原希子也在社交媒体上指出导演在拍摄过程中对她进行了性剥削。《阿黛尔的生活》改编自女同性恋作者的漫画,但导演并没有参考原作的场景,甚至无视了原作者的联系而一意孤行拍摄了一场长达七分钟的、非常男性凝视的性剥削女主演们的亲密场景。原作者朱莉·马罗批评,“作为一部女同性恋电影,现场缺失了:女同性恋。”并声称,那段亲密戏“是一种残忍的外科手术式的展示,变成了黄片”。更加能证明男性凝视侵犯酷儿女性作品的证据是:《阿黛尔的生活》受到了男性评论家们的好评,而女同性恋者,包括马罗自己,都认为这些性爱场景是“荒谬的”。

但为什么酷儿女性粉丝们依旧在呼吁“我们需要更多荧幕上的女同性爱场景”?好吧,因为……女同性恋会做爱。尽管在越来越多地区,同性性行为不再是非法的行为、也越来越多地区允许性少数形象出现在媒体中而不会被审查,但大荧幕上(特别是上映院线的电影中)的萨福性行为还是很少。对LGBTQ角色的刻画有助于LGBTQ的正常化和被接受,与此同时LGBTQ群体需要这样的正面模范,但是,很多影视剧里还是会对同性亲密场景避而不谈,或者只有一个象征性的LGBTQ角色但ta们没有任何属于她们自己的故事剧情,与此同时异性恋……每年不知道有多少以异性恋爱情为中心、有着毫无必要的亲密场景的影视作品。既然异性恋的亲密场景可以公开上映,那么没有什么理由不让同性恋的亲密场景公开上映,毕竟,酷儿群体被迫看了这么多年的异性恋影视,也没见她们被“带坏”了。

来自纪录片《反叛女同》(Rebel Dykes),一群女同性恋活动家打出的口号。

没有人说每部女同性恋电影都必须包含性,而且看一部不以性为中心的同性恋电影也会让人耳目一新,但事实就是:女性性行为是被忽视的,无论是在现实中还是影视作品中。这被称为藏起女同(Hide Your Lesbians)套路,她们可以是明确的女同性恋情侣,但是比起异性情侣非常平常的亲密接触,她们是无性的,她们没有亲密互动,她们只是牵牵小手并在床上也只是盖着被子在聊天,对吧。直到现在,仍有很多人否认女性自身的欲望,尤其是女性对女性的欲望;一些恐同人士认为女性之间的性是无效的,因为缺少——怎么礼貌地说呢——男性的参与;另一种类型的恐同人士认为女性对女性有生理欲望是不对的,“因为作为女权主义者不应该物化女性”,更别提有些酷儿女性对BDSM等的偏好了。不想泼谁冷水,但是……女同性恋字面意义上的是会受到同性的*性*吸引的女性。有欲望是一件非常自然的事情,就像吃饭喝水一样,而无效化、污名化酷儿女性的欲望和男权社会否认女性拥有性自主权和性欲望是一个硬币的两面,归根结底,是否认女性的自主权和对自己的解释权。

即使是顺直男导演没有剥削女演员,他们镜头往往也局限于男性视角,僵硬、教条化,难以捕捉到女性之间的情欲。在我看来,《圣母》《违命》《菊石》就属于男导演根本没有能力捕捉角色之间的性张力,白白浪费了女演员们的才华。而在女性导演的镜头下,因为并非男性视角、不凝视女性角色,女性角色自己是叙事的中心,哪怕不是赤裸相见,两个女性角色之间的性张力都能溢出屏幕。就像《狄金森》304里艾米丽在同性恋酒吧的跳舞,你可以看到艾米丽在一个安全的环境里敞开心扉做自己、感受到空气中涌动的同性情欲(实际上这一场景就是Hailee自己提议的,我就说Hailee是我们中的一个),还有309里艾米丽和苏终于解决了她们各自的问题,在床上亲吻做爱——这就是女性导演女性制片人女性主创的优点。或者《她们的联盟》里卡森和格雷塔在床外的互动,只是一个挑眉,一次眨眼,你可以完全感受到两人之间的性张力和压不住的喜爱。

顺直男导演对酷儿女性角色的高度性化和剥削以及无法捕捉到女性之间的性张力,是这些男导演的错,而不是酷儿女性的问题。我们需要的是酷儿女性夺回自主权,讲述自己的故事,挑战男性凝视,构建更好的女性凝视。在《燃烧女子的肖像》里,酷儿女性导演就挑战了男性凝视,在这部电影里,男性是无关紧要的,镜头下的是两个女性的爱情故事,镜头后面的是女性导演,默认是给女性看到一部电影。这样一来,玛莉安和艾洛伊兹得以讲述她们自己的故事,她们的故事不再是以男性之手写出,她们的欲望不是为了满足导演和观众病态的好奇或者轻浮的乐子,她们表达欲望和情感只是因为她们爱上了彼此。在《拉字至上》里,演员们(包括那些异性恋演员)得到了联合制片人罗丝·崔奇(Rose Troche),一位女同性恋者的帮助——她特意为她们制作了一盘女同性恋爱情场景的录像带,供她们学习——而不是一些奇怪的A片特技。在《狄金森》里,艾拉·亨特(Ella Hunt),一位酷儿演员,和海莉·斯坦菲尔德(Hailee Steinfeld)一起临场发挥了一场亲密场景(See? I told you!!! Hailee I totally see you)

总而言之就是,我们需要更多萨福女性的亲密场景,她们是正常化LGBTQ的存在和推进对LGBTQ人群的接受过程中很重要的一部分,我们也需要不以性为中心的萨福故事,最重要的是,让酷儿女性掌握叙事,她们真的可以拯救世界——或者拯救一个为自己的取向而不知所措的酷儿青少年,哪怕一次只有一个,也足够了。让酷儿女性书写能真正代表自己的同性情欲,告诉世界,我们有欲望,但不是供人性化的。

消失的跨性别女性VS恐跨症

历史上,影视里很多跨性别女性角色都是由顺性别男性反串扮演的,并且这些角色都充斥着片面的负面刻板印象,通常都是邪恶暴力的杀手,或者滑稽可笑的喜剧丑角,抑或是高度性化的性对象。几乎没有真实准确描述现实中跨性别女性(Transgender women)的角色,并且总是把她们和易装者(Cross-dresser)混为一谈。这样广泛存在的跨性别者荧幕形象是十分有害的,加剧了大众对跨性别者的误解和偏见。跨性别女性是指派性别为男性、性别认同为女性的人,她们的性取向和性别认同没有必然联系;而易装者是变装是指穿着与指派性别无关的衣服的人,和ta们的性别认同和性取向没有关系,易装者并不一定都是跨性别者,也有顺性别变装女王的存在。另一方面,跨性别者和非二元性别者在世界各地的历史中一直存在,许多传统社会都有传统的第三性别角色,印度有海吉拉(Hijra),古希腊医学家希波克拉底提及了跨性别者的存在,北美原住民中有双魂人(Two-spirit),日本在脱亚入欧之前的江户时期就有“美少年”歌舞伎,在中国,从《史记》就开始有历史或者文人记载的跨性别者,还有无数广泛在各地土著文化中存在的非常多样的第三性别,甚至第四性别、第五性别:跨性别一直存在、并不是一种病症,也不是现代西方国家独有的政治身份。跨性别、女性,对于有色人种跨性别女性来说还有少数族裔这一身份,多重身份的交叉让现实中的跨性别女性面临重重困境,尤其是生命安全经常难以得到保障。

请注意,“穿女装的男人”(Men In Dress Trope)并不是有效的跨性别女性代表,因为这些男性角色并不是跨性别者,他们是顺性别男性穿着女装,通常只为达到滑稽的喜剧效果。通过取笑“女装的男人”来达到喜剧效果的作品并不反映跨性别女性的现实,相反,这个套路是十分厌女的。对于这些男人来说,变装是一种谎言,是为了达到目的而进行的一种手段——男人们通过对女性特征的刻板描述来隐藏自己,比如虚荣、轻浮、缺乏智慧和全面的软弱,让别人觉得他们没有威胁性,从而让他们得到他们想要的。这是一种对女性身份和女性气质的贬低与嘲笑,并不反映现实中的女性形象或者女性气质的表现。好莱坞还有让黑人男演员男扮女装扮演滑稽丑角的种族主义历史,一些黑人男性认为“这是种族主义,是对黑人男性的阉割企图”,遗憾的是,他们傲慢自大的男性自我让他们完全遗漏了这个有毒套路的另一面:性别问题。这的确是种族歧视,但同时也是性别歧视:虽然演员是顺男、角色也是顺男,但是他们扮演的是黑人女性。这个种族主义性别主义交叉的双重歧视是针对黑人女性的,因为这个套路自动假设黑人女性都是粗鄙滑稽的,这是对黑人女性和黑人女性特质的贬低和嘲弄,是种族歧视性别歧视的交叉。

有时候,有些创作者创作跨性别角色只为把她们当做工具,然后草率而残忍地杀死。在《恶魔之地》(Lovecraft Country)里,编剧引入了一个神秘的阿拉瓦克双魂人角色(由顺性别女性借助道具扮演),ta从死亡中复活但只是为了给男主角提供一条关健信息,ta当做推动情节的一次性工具,然后再被男主角的父亲,一个顺性别男性杀死,只为“防止ta对自己儿子的不良影响”。有魔法的跨性别角色,只为顺性别角色担任情节推动的工具,这是和魔法黑人套路类似的魔法跨性别者/酷儿套路(Magical Trans/Queers),然后再被随意杀死,经典的杀死酷儿角色套路(Bury Your Queers Trope)。这在粉丝中引发强烈抗议,因为“离家太近了”——现实中,相当多的跨性别女性因为身份暴露而被顺性别男性谋杀。尽管编剧最终在推特上道歉了,但伤害已经造成。本剧中还有一个女性双性恋角色以及一个性别流动的女性角色,她们利用魔法切换不同人的身体,在她们终于以自己的身体亲吻彼此之后,两人被匆匆杀死(我好恨啊!!!Misha Green还我CP!)。《恶魔之地》里出现的酷儿女性/跨性别角色最终都被杀死了,实在是令人发指。

2020年,沃卓斯基姐妹公开确认了一个粉丝中间流行的理论,即《黑客帝国》三部曲是有关跨性别的隐喻,“这是最初的打算,但世界并没有完全准备好,”莉莉·沃卓斯基说。即使是现在跨性别者更加可见的年代,荧幕上的跨性别形象依旧是有限的,甚至仍被顺性别男性扮演。2015年,讲述现代最早接受性别重置手术的跨性别女性的电影《丹麦女孩》(The Danish Girl)就是由顺性别男性演员埃迪·雷德梅恩主演的,尽管当时就有跨性别活动家抗议,但他还是……演了。埃迪·雷德梅恩因为这个角色而获得了那年的奥斯卡最佳*男*主提名。多么讽刺啊。在2021年,他道歉声称作为顺性别男性扮演跨性别女性角色“是个错误”,但……木已成舟。问题不在于“顺性别演员是否有能力扮演跨性别角色”,而是像他一样的顺性别白男演员能轻而易举地获得这样精心打造的角色和大制作的电影项目,而跨性别演员们没有这种特权。

《女子监狱》里的索菲亚。

不过,现在也有更多的由跨性别者女性扮演的多样的跨性别角色了。比如在《女子监狱》(Orange Is The New Black)里,索菲亚由黑人跨性别演员拉薇安·考克斯(Laverne Cox)扮演,《亢奋》里,朱尔斯由白人跨性别女演员亨特·莎弗(Hunter Schafer)扮演,《超感八人组》里的跨性别女同性恋诺米由白人跨性别演员詹米·克雷顿(Jamie Clayton)扮演(我永远都不会原谅网飞砍了这部剧,啊啊啊啊),《心跳漏跳一拍》里的艾尔,由黑人跨性别演员雅斯敏·芬尼(Yasmin Finney)扮演,《超女》里带来了第一位跨性别女性超级英雄,梦者,由白人跨性别演员妮可·梅因斯(Nicole Maines)扮演,当然,还有《姿态》(Pose),一部汇集了电视史上最大的跨性别演员阵容的电视剧,故事以一名黑人跨性别女性布兰卡为中心,她超越了笑料、社会贱民或性对象的身份,是一个立体的多面的角色,扮演者米凯拉·洁·罗德里奎斯(Michaela Jaé Rodriguez)也因此成为了第一位获得金球奖的跨性别者,以及第一位获得艾美奖提名的跨性别女性。

尽管如此,银幕上的跨性别女性角色还是太少了,尤其是有色人种和非中产的跨性别者形象太少了,形象也不够多元,并且还总是聚焦于她们的苦难(有时候甚至是她们的死亡),挣扎或者性别认同和性别转换,要么就是她们的故事容易被边缘化(骂你呢,山姆·李文森)。希望有一天有更加多元的跨性别角色出现,而且ta们的故事并不总是关于ta们的性别身份,这样,跨性别青少年们才能在荧幕上看到真实的自己。

无性恋VS污名化

尽管谈论性在很多社会中仍然是一个禁忌,但人们却又对性有着奇怪的痴迷并认为缺乏性欲是一种有问题的表现。社会认为性与浪漫是如此的紧密联系在一起,以至于不相信有人感受不到性吸引力,或者浪漫吸引,否则那人一定有什么毛病。但是事实:有些人就是感受不到,或者很少感受得到性吸引力,并且ta们并不是性冷淡、性欲衰退,或者害怕性。虽然无性恋(Asexual)这个包含了许多身份、经历和感受的伞式术语在近三十年来才逐渐兴起,但一百多年来一直有对无性恋的讨论(尽管确实难以从有性恋历史中寻找无性恋的历史记录)。1907年,一位同性恋权益活动家在演讲中首次使用“无性恋”一词。四十年代提出的金赛量表中,表示一个人在特定时间内的经验或反应来描述一个人的性取向的评级里的“X”代表“没有社会性倾向的接触或反应”,即使是在石墙运动之前,LGBTQ群体中也有人注意到了“有些人感受不到性吸引”。不过,虽然“无性恋”一词已经存在了相当长一段时间,但直到互联网的出现,无性恋群体才开始有了创建社群的空间。人们在网络上分享自己的经历和感受,这与社会告诉我们的“一个人必定会受到性吸引想要做爱会遇到对的那个人让你与之发生关系否则你就是有问题”截然不同,无性恋群体感受不到性吸引力,但ta们不会因此出现任何问题,这只是ta们的一部分。对一些人来说,ta们受到的浪漫吸引力和性吸引力是一样的,对一些无性恋者来说,ta们受到的浪漫吸引力和性吸引力是不一样的,于是出现了分离吸引力模型(Split Attraction Model,SAM)。一个人可以既是无性恋,但仍愿意与同性/异性/多种性别发展浪漫关系,这就是同性/异性/双性/泛性浪漫倾向。一个人也可以既感受不到浪漫吸引也感受不到性吸引力,这就是无浪漫倾向无性恋(Asexual Aromantic)。你也可能是偶尔能感受到性吸引力的灰性恋(Gray asexuality),或者在与另一个人有着强烈情感联结才会感到性吸引力的半性恋(Demisexual)。当然,一个人也可以感受得到性吸引力却感受不到浪漫吸引。感受得到/感受不到浪漫吸引力和感受得到/感受不到性吸引力是光谱,每一个人独特的感受和经历都是正当的。千禧年之初,一些无性恋社群和论坛出现了,无性恋社群变得更加可见,于是荧幕上也开始出现了无性恋角色。

分离吸引力模型

不过,就像其他LGBTQIA+在荧幕上的代表(或者缺乏代表)一样,许多无性恋角色的刻画仍十分令人感到沮丧。最早的无性恋电视角色很明显是由非无性恋群体写的,把无性恋描绘成压抑的或者有毛病的群体。这显然不是好的代表。在《豪斯医生》的一集里,有两个无性恋角色出现,但最终发现她们都不是无性恋,一个是为了能和无性恋者在一起而假装,另一个则是因为有个脑瘤导致对性没有兴趣——而自大狂豪斯医生当然是傲慢地否定了无性恋的存在。这是非常糟糕的污名化,宣称无性恋不存在,无效化一群真实的人的真实的经历和感受。对于无性恋女性来说,这类糟糕的媒体形象还会让她们处于不利境界,导致被男性骚扰,因为他们无法理解无性恋的存在,或者傲慢地想要“治愈”她们。

里程碑式的突破是2012年的《奥利维亚实验》(The Olivia Experiment),这部电影讲述了一个认为自己可能是无性恋的女人探索脱处经历的故事。尽管一些无性恋者们抱怨这部电影对无性恋群体之间的支持的刻画比较失败,但这部电影仍是非常有意义的。2014年,《急救警情》(Sirens)里出现了可能是第一个写得非常不错的无性恋女性角色,瓦伦汀娜,别名 “Voodoo”,一个无性恋急救员,她对她的无性恋身份非常自信,剧集也没有把她的无性恋身份当做笑料或者一个问题。《马男波杰克》(BoJack Horseman)里,出现了多位无性恋角色。在《性教育》里,一个对性不感兴趣的女孩弗洛伦斯找了珍,一个真正的性治疗师,询问自己是不是坏掉了,珍非常平和地向她介绍了无性恋这个概念,并告诉她,“性不能让我们完整,那么你怎么会因此破碎呢?”在把酷儿角色放在叙事中心而广受赞誉的《一切都会好起来的》(Everything’s Gonna Be Okay)里,德雷亚,一个自闭症酷儿女性角色超越了糟糕的刻板印象(令人赞叹的是,该剧集选了一个本身就是自闭症的演员),最终向女朋友出柜为无性恋。在《明日传奇》第七季里,斯普纳,一个拉丁裔女性,出柜成为第一个无性恋超级英雄。她被外星人改造过有部分外星人能力,所以她一度认为自己是不是被外星人弄坏了,而她的朋友扎莉安慰她,这是完全正常的,和外星人经历没有任何关系,有效避免了无性恋外星人(The Asexual Alien Trope)的陈词滥调,即,人类中不会存在无性恋,无性恋都是科幻作品里的外星种族才有的特征,这个套路非人化了无性恋群体,无效化了一群真实的人的身份。无性恋外星人套路(The Asexual Alien Trope)和非人类的非二元性别(Non-Human Non-Binary)打了折扣的女同性恋(Discount Lesbians)以及其他世界的模糊性别(Otherworldly and Sexually Ambiguous)套路一样,有危险的一面,它们与但别太同志了套路重合(But Not Too Gay Trope),暗示这些现实中明明真实存在的非顺直群体并不存在,当ta们只有是外星人、吸血鬼、恶魔、女巫、被魔法影响后才存在,使我们非人化,无效化我们的经历和身份。当然,谁能不喜欢火辣的吸血鬼女同或者双性恋女巫呢,我发誓每一个女性配对同人圈都有至少一篇非常经典的吸血鬼或者女巫AU,或者狼人AU,但是,我们也需要更多的普通人类的酷儿女性角色代表。我们也需要更多神经多样性的酷儿女性角色——尤其是当自闭症、多动症总是被认为多发于男性的时候,女性、酷儿女性、有色人种常常被漏诊——因为医生就是认为她们不容易有自闭症或者多动症等等神经多样性表现。

可惜的是,《急救警情》在两季后被取消了;《性教育》第三季里,弗洛伦斯根本没有出现;《一切都会好起来的》只有两季;明日传奇,一部有多个酷儿主角包括无性恋角色的剧集被取消……无性恋女性角色实在还是太少了!就像《性教育》里说的一样,性不会让我们完整;我们需要更多的无性恋女性荧幕形象,因为做爱不如吃蛋糕!

国产百合耽改剧VS系统性反LGBTQ

说在前面的话:不,我不认为国产百合耽改算是任何一种酷儿代表(连坏的形象代表都不是),它们是对酷儿文化的可耻挪用,是完全脱离了现实的不切实际的幻想,是在系统性酷儿抹除和恐同歧视下对真正的酷儿群体的嘲弄和伤害,它们从来不是也不可能代表真实的酷儿形象。

在这样一个LGBTQ+是敏感词、同性亲密画面被删减或下架、LGBTQ+社团被关停、因为反LGBTQ+意识形态而死去的酷儿不允许被提及更别说被纪念、不承认任何形式的同性伴侣关系、因为酷儿身份被家暴甚至赶出家门而失去经济来源但没有任何对应的社会保障、LGBTQ+友好的性教育教材被下架、对反同的教材和服务购买条款起诉无果、身份暴露即被开除、即使是成年了的酷儿也可能随时被欺骗并被强制带走进行矫正治疗却求助无门、仅仅因为放置彩虹旗就会被处分的地方,你说我怎么能接受打着“姐妹情”“兄弟情”、强化顺性别异性恋正统、完全抹除了酷儿身份的“百合”“耽改”作品?如果说2001年的《新女驸马》有真实的婚姻关系和两人对彼此感情的承认以及开放式结局(甚至还有一个后来被删减的吻)算得上是审查制度下的酷儿编码(Queer-coding)的话,现在的那些连酷儿营销(Queerbaiting)都算不上,只是酷儿抹除(Queer Erasure)后的新自由主义、资本主义的反同但能赚钱的营销罢了。这样的营销是不会反应酷儿女性的真实处境的,更不会描绘除了妆容精致的、中产阶级的、高度女性化的白幼瘦汉族女性之外的形象。而且,这些所谓的大女主也总是要有回归异性恋正统,女性和女性之间的浪漫关系也被贬低为友谊。正如前文所说的一样,一部分粉丝反过来会指责想要看女女爱情的粉丝“为什么两个独立女性之间就不能是友谊”,另一部分本来就恐同的人则指责“可能的女同亲密关系”破坏传统异性恋家庭观念、“带坏小孩”。更糟糕的是,绝大多数这些作品都由男性创作,几乎没有酷儿女性自己的声音,对女性角色的性化(Sexualization)恋物化(Fetishization)也是极为严重的,比如《青蛇劫起》。

即使是在这些作品的粉丝圈中,以及整个简中酷儿群体中,也能观察到大量的恐同恐双恐跨发言,并且时常看见竭力将现实中的LGBTQ+群体和这些“百合耽改”作品分割开来的意识——虽然无论割不割席,无论分得有多清楚,主流社会已经将两者绑定在一起了。

在这样的审查制度和系统性的反LGBTQ+政策下出现的被景观化被猎奇化的百合耽改剧,本身就是畸形的产物,所以恕我不认为国产百合耽改剧是有效的酷儿代表,它们对现实中的酷儿权益起不到任何提升作用,只有可见度看似变高了的昙花一现的错觉,毕竟现在已经又统统被禁绝了。

所以,不,它们不是我的代表。我们的身份不是被非相关人士用来抹除并加以调味再用来赚钱的手段。我们的故事不是被用来猎奇凝视的景观。我们的经历和感受不是被可供消遣娱乐的神话。

其实说了这么多,全文的中心还是:给酷儿女性们一个支点,我们可以撼动整个世界!我们不是在守门(Gatekeeping),我们只是把门指出来,因为,我们一直都存在。至于不允许酷儿女性出现的地方,还是先让酷儿女性能光明正大地现身再说。

*请不要在我的评论区发表恐同恐双恐跨恐无评论,我不容忍仇恨言论*

参考资料:

History of Femslash Fandom – Fanlore:https://fanlore.org/wiki/History_of_Femslash_Fandom#Femslash:_An_Invisible_History

Femslash Can Save the World If We Let It – Autostraddle:https://www.autostraddle.com/femslash-can-save-the-world-if-we-let-it-246684/

Queerbaiting: What it Looks Like and Why It’s Harmful – Health:https://www.health.com/mind-body/lgbtq-health/queerbaiting

We Need To Talk About ‘The Lesbian Film’ – Evelyn Dar:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ava0Ah4iM1I

Not Another Lesbian Period Film // Video Essay – Evelyn Dar:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpPvDXKybg0

Why There Are So Many Lesbian Period Pieces –

The Take:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfSEDi8_03E

New A League of Their Own series declared one of the greatest queer shows of all time – PinkNews:https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2022/08/16/a-league-of-their-own-gets-queer-fan-reaction/

It’s Taken Three Seasons, but ‘Dickinson’ Has Become an Apple TV+ Standout – The Ringer:https://www.theringer.com/tv/2021/11/5/22764318/its-taken-three-seasons-but-dickinson-has-become-an-apple-tv-standout

Lesbian Is Not a Dirty Word – An Injustice!:https://aninjusticemag.com/lesbian-is-not-a-dirty-word-dea5f427891b

What to know about internalized homophobia – Medical News Today:https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/internalized-homophobia

The evolution of the word ‘bisexual’ — and why it’s still misunderstood – NBC News:https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/evolution-word-bisexual-why-it-s-still-misunderstood-n1240832

The L Word and “But Not Too Bi”: Flipping The Script Is Not Much Better – Autostraddle:https://www.autostraddle.com/the-l-word-and-but-not-too-bi-flipping-the-script-is-not-much-better-217540/

Bisexual Erasure: What It Is, Why It’s a Threat to Health, and How to Put an End to It – Health:https://www.health.com/mind-body/lgbtq-health/bi-erasure

What is ‘internalized biphobia’? – Medical News Today:https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/internalized-biphobia

Abbi Jacobson’s IRL Coming-Out Story Shaped Her A League of Their Own Character – Them:https://www.them.us/story/abbi-jacobson-a-league-of-their-own-interview

Abbi Jacobson responds to angry reactions to A League of Their Own: ‘Representation matters so much’ – Entertainment Weekly:https://ew.com/tv/a-league-of-their-own-reactions-abbi-jacobson-responds/

Sugarbutch Says: The “Lesbian Who Sleeps With a Man” Trope in “The Kids Are All Right” – After Ellen:https://afterellen.com/sugarbutch-says-the-lesbian-who-sleeps-with-a-man-trope-in-the-kids-are-all-right/

不被看见的老年女同性恋 – 丁香园:http://mp.weixin.qq.com/s?__biz=MTg0MzMwODA0MQ==&mid=2653381262&idx=1&sn=57242475776b55dbaf2b883329557834&chksm=5e3293e869451afeaf95adc5e7e659327d8d48024011b7940c40c0bb5af2656b5b39a904aa72&mpshare=1&scene=23&srcid=0917IBeAoscyrSEwGfTl5SHI&sharer_sharetime=1663398924638&sharer_shareid=064d0de853de03e46f4914a91f13d4bb#rd

LESBIAN TROPES AND WHERE TO FIND THEM: The Bisexual Lesbian – Screen Queens:https://screen-queens.com/2016/06/20/lesbian-tropes-and-where-to-find-them-the-bisexual-lesbian/

A Brief History of All the Drama Surrounding Blue Is the Warmest Color – Vulture:https://www.vulture.com/2013/10/timeline-blue-is-the-warmest-color-controversy.html

「ずっと存在していた」水原希子が語った「芸能界の性加害」問題 – 文春オンライン:https://president.jp/articles/-/56617

Why don’t cinemas and directors show proper lesbian sex scenes? – The Guardian:https://www.theguardian.com/film/2013/nov/14/lesbian-film-blue-is-the-warmest-colour

Rebel Dykes (2021) Documentary

Hide Your Lesbians – TV Tropes:https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HideYourLesbians

69 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About “The L Word” – Autostraddle:https://www.autostraddle.com/68-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-the-l-word-448269/

Trans Stories Onscreen – An Evolution – The Take:https://the-take.com/watch/trans-stories-onscreen-an-evolution

WTF Is So Funny About a Man in a Dress? Femmephobia is no joke. – Medium:https://medium.com/swlh/wtf-is-so-funny-about-a-man-in-a-dress-femmephobia-is-no-joke-4b32435ff692

Magical Queer – Tropedia:https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/02/trans-media-tropes/

7 Trans Media Tropes That Need to Stop – Everyday Feminism:https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/02/trans-media-tropes/

The Matrix is a ‘trans metaphor’, Lilly Wachowski says – BBC:https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-53692435

The Rise of Asexual Representation – Rowan Ellis:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV7C4xos5pY

THE ASEXUAL AND AROMANTIC SPECTRUM – GrS Montréal:https://blog.grsmontreal.com/en/asexuality-aromantism/

Legends of Tomorrow just introduced TV’s first asexual superhero – DIGITAL SPY:https://www.digitalspy.com/tv/ustv/a38910524/legends-of-tomorrow-spooner-asexual-lgbtq/

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Non-Human Non-Binary – TV Tropes:https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NonHumanNonBinary

Otherworldly and Sexually Ambiguous – TV Tropes:https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OtherworldlyAndSexuallyAmbiguous

Discount Lesbians – TV Tropes:https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DiscountLesbians

老秦的姬情营销 – 钰钰:https://weibo.com/7436179338/LFUPYfTsp

分类
Bishova 英文 femslash 同人文 个人存档

【Bishova】The First Taste(8)

Yelena is out of town for a few days. She did not explain why but told Kate she would be back today and asked Kate to “Keep an eye on the street during the full moon”. Kate tries not to be bothered that “Yelena decided to leave the city but didn’t tell her anything else”. They are just friends who happen to be sleeping together on a regular basis, not that Yelena’s obligated to tell Kate what she’s going to do in her spare time. Although Kate is 95% sure it is a “widow-related matter”, Yelena has made it clear that she does not need Kate’s help. Even so, Kate can’t help but pout. If only Yelena would be willing to work with her further, Kate thinks sullenly as she patrols the streets. We work well together in bed and in training! There is no reason not to continue our partnership!

Kate likes Yelena, a lot, and judging by Yelena’s behavior, she likes Kate as much as she does. Kate cannot understand why Yelena shares so much with her but is still very guarded when it comes to her missions. It certainly has nothing to do with Kate’s skills: although Kate is sure that Yelena could still kick her ass if she wants to, Kate’s skills have improved significantly through their training, she can easily deal with ordinary vampires and werewolves, and even Yelena is impressed (Kate has to resist the urge to wag her tail crazily in front of Yelena every time she says she’s a good girl – well, maybe she has a praise kink). The bottom line is, Kate wants to help. She just can’t help it. It’s in her nature.

It’s a full moon tonight. Kate continues her patrol (and her moping) until she notices something abnormal.

She smells the approach of an unfamiliar group of vampires. Yelena has told her that vampires tend to be solitary and that vampires who live in groups are more violent, so Kate is naturally on alert.

She turns the corner and sees the vampires from a distance. She has known a vampire long enough, even at a distance, to realize the problem with those vampires: they are clearly under control by some kind of dark magic.

Kate has seen Yelena being a vampire. As their practice became more serious, Yelena would be just like her in her wolf form: fierce, focused, and wild. The only thing that has nothing to do with vampires being vampires is aimlessness. And the vampires look like a bunch of mindless zombies. Also, they look hungry.

This is probably what Yelena wanted Kate to keep an eye on, Kate thinks with a grimace. A bunch of vampires who are under control by magic spells. Which is just so great.

She doesn’t know who was manipulating these vampires; she doesn’t have time to find out, because the vampires are so close to the city. It was only a matter of time before they scattered in search of innocent humans to satisfy their bloodlust.

Kate hurries to where she had hidden her bow and arrows, and takes out her newly made arrows. She can’t divide the group of vampires or they will scatter and become harder to hunt; so she decides to draw the attention of brainless vampires to her, leading them away from the city.

Kate draws her bow and aims for the lead vampire’s heart. The wood-core silver arrow pierces her, and the vampire explodes into a pool of blood. Oops. Kate flinches a little. Yelena has warned her about what vampires look like when they meet their true death, but actually seeing it makes Kate gag a little.

The rest of the vampires follow the source of the arrow and growl at Kate.

“Uh-oh, not really chatty, got it,” Kate murmurs, and starts to retreat. She begins to think that vampires who talk are more interesting, and while it’s annoying, at least Yelena isn’t planning on ripping her throat out.

Her second arrow flies into the vampire crowd, releasing colloidal silver. The vampires are burnt badly, and Kate officially pissed them off. They charge at her at vampire speed. Kate effectively finishes the first 10 vampires with bow and arrows as she retreats, but archery is not suited for close-range combat. Who would have thought? Kate, an always well-prepared person, didn’t add a stake to her conventional weapon. In her defense, she thought arrows were more than enough. So naturally, Kate chooses to shift.

She bites off the head of the first vampire who comes near her, and blood splatters all over her face. Ugh. Although she doesn’t like it herself, she finds that the wolf in her clearly doesn’t mind. Shaking her head to shake off her discomfort, she lunges at the second vampire who bounces at her.


After careful undercover work and investigation, Yelena discovers that the very problematic head of the coven is not a powerful witch at all, but a follower of an evil man named Xi. According to that witch, Xi is a greedy businessman/cult leader with vast resources, from the notorious crime boss Kingpin to an unknown dark witch, as long as you support his outdated values and give him enough money, he will provide you with all the illegal things.

Xi is a vengeful person, and very afraid of death. Said the witch. He is surrounded at all times by layers of magic-controlled vampire bodyguards. He’s known for his control of his people, and he would wreak havoc on those who cross him.

Yelena is counting on it. She will destroy Xi once and for all when he avenges his little disciple.

Tired of the second-rated witch spouting his political propaganda of human supremacy, she rushes forward, slits the man’s throat, and openly feeds on the stage.

The audience screams and then scatters in terror like animals, heading for the only exit.

For some reason (she won’t admit to having anything to do with some kind-hearted werewolf), she doesn’t go after everyone else in the coven.

“Stop trying to control the immortals,” Yelena suddenly appears at the only exit, blocking all attempts to escape the room. She stands alone in the doorway, in front of dozens of people who are taller and larger than she is. She knows that most people here are not true believers, and even those pathetic human beings who truly hate vampires have neither the opportunity nor the courage to engage with a vampire. At best, the only thing they dare to do is hurt a harmless vampire who is chained in silver. Although part of her thinks they should all pay for hate crimes against vampires, she still chooses not to slaughter them. Not today. Plus, she’s well-fed already. “We are not a race to be controlled by anyone. Now get the fuck out of here. If I find another attempted genocide of vampires… I. Will. Hunt. Each. And. Every. One. Of. You. Down.”

“I remember you. Every single one of you.” She shows her bloody fangs deliberately and gives the crowd an evil smile. Then she disappears into the thin air, leaving behind a group of horrified humans.

The witch wasn’t wrong. Two days later, a huge Asian man approaches Yelena with an exaggerated number of vampire bodyguards.

She is not surprised that the man recognizes her; she has also done her homework, knowing that the cult leader is used to gathering information about people for blackmail. And Yelena knows how many bad guys she’d pissed off. She’s got quite a reputation.

She isn’t surprised that this man tried to threaten her by threatening Natasha. What a cliché villain… Yelena rolls her eyes and snorts. Natasha can take care of herself, and she has an even bigger reputation than Yelena, if Xi thinks that will bring her to her knees, he has underestimated both of them.

Although she isn’t surprised that the villain wants to recruit her either, she’s so done with it. Why are villains so boring? ?? She has missed Kate Bishop. Kate is fun even when they were hostile at the beginning. She even asked her out for a drink when they were fighting! Come to think of it, Yelena could not help but smiles a little. Kate bishop – she’s smart and funny, naive but brave, fierce and sweet, annoyingly stubborn (which sometimes makes her so hot), and sometimes silly. She has to admit that she’s so attracted to Kate Bishop.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the ramblings of a masculine voice. Xi is so pissed, apparently thinking that Yelena is mocking him, so he decides to threaten to expose Yelena’s identity, sending his army of vampires to wreak havoc in Yelena’s city and turn the locals against her.

This kind of threat doesn’t bother her at all, because, frankly, she doesn’t give a fuck about humans, but Kate Bishop cares. So before Yelena left, she asked Kate specifically to keep an eye on it. She believes that Kate is strong enough to protect vulnerable, undeserving humans.

“You’re too self-righteous. In my opinion, a mansplaining old man like you should go to hell with your hideous political propaganda. The world would be a better place that way.” Yelena laughs out loud, then, takes out her two guns and aims at the hearts of the vampire nearest to her in a flash.

The man who is so afraid of death immediately runs away under the cover of his vampire puppets.


Kate chops the neck of the last vampire.

Just in case, she searches around to make sure that no escaped vampires are in town for a blood feast.

After confirming that no one has escaped, Kate sets out to find Yelena. She doesn’t know when Yelena will be back, but she thinks Yelena needs to know that a group of vampires is behaving strangely today.

When Kate arrives at Yelena’s house, she finds the door open. She is immediately on high alert and she storms into the house carefully.

It’s just Yelena. She’s on the floor, covered in blood, unconscious – she’s not healing. Kate doesn’t even know under what circumstances vampires can’t heal. Kate examines Yelena’s body and begins to understand why she has not healed – magic burns.

Kate couldn’t think of anything that would bring vampires back to life other than blood.

“Okay, Yelena, I’m going to let you bite me. I hope you don’t go crazy or anything,” Kate mutters as she rolls up her sleeves and put her wrist against Yelena’s mouth.

After a few heartbeats, Kate realizes that Yelena is too weak to drop her fangs.

“Ugh,” Kate said to herself, shaking her head and searching frantically for something sharp, “You owe me one, Yelena.”

She finds a silver knife in one of Yelena’s pockets and makes a cut on her wrist. Blood drips down, and she put her wrist close to Yelena’s mouth, praying that she could recover from magic burns.


Yelena wakes up in her own room. There was nothing else in her room, but something is off. Light is cast in from her light-tight curtains. She opens the door carefully and finds the actual forest outside. It’s just like the forest where she and Kate meet, but the forest is shrouded in a soft gay purple light, so she is almost immediately aware that she was in Kate’s dream. Yelena rolls her eyes, but Kate is nowhere to be found. She continues to search the forest until she hears a noise behind her.

She turns quickly, not expecting Natasha to be standing behind her.

“Why are you skulking about like it’s a minefield?” Natasha jokes.

“Cause I don’t know if I can trust you,” said Yelena warily. “Is this some kind of trap? where is she?”

“Kate Bishop? The little werewolf of YOURS?” Natasha says with a smirk.

Yelena forgets caution. She jumps in and locks this Natasha down the throat. “Who the fuck are you? How do you know Kate Bishop?”

“For Lilith’s sake, sestra,” Natasha complains under her, not resisting but raising her hands to show no malice, and then she gives Yelena her trademark annoying smirk, “You think you can come to me and smell like the same puppy every time and I wouldn’t notice?”

If Yelena can blush, she would. She lets go of Natasha and mutters, “Kate Bishop is not mine.”

“You do know werewolves smell really good when they are in heat, right?” Natasha asks with a laugh.

If possible, Yelena’s face turns even redder.

“She’s not anyone’s. Keep your fangs away from her,” Yelena growls.

Natasha catches all of Yelena’s expressions and then blinks.

“I didn’t mean that at all,” laughs Natasha, “but you answered my question! So you did scre-”

“Shut up, Natasha! I swear, if you finish that sentence, I will hurt you badly-whether I can hurt you in this place or not-” she yells, face burning.

Natasha laughs out loud. Yelena punches Natasha hard in the arm.

The laughter stops, and Natasha asks curiously, “What is this place?”

Yelena rolls her eyes. “Unclear. I thought you would know.”

“Yelena, I’m in your dream,” Natasha says, covering her eyes. Her little sister sometimes is really stupid. “You should be the one to tell me.”

“This… is not my dream,” says Yelena confusedly, clenching her fists uncomfortably. “If I had to guess, it’s Kate Bishop’s dream, although I have no idea why I am in her dream.”

Natasha looks at her little sister sympathetically. She knows that Yelena does not like losing control, or to be in such a situation, in a completely strange and incomprehensible place.

“This Kate Bishop, did you talk to her?” Natasha says gently.

“About what?” Yelena says, a little grumpy. “About whether I somehow appear in her dream? No, this is obviously not a normal conversation.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Do you know what we vampires dream about? Our dreams are almost always about our memories of the past. Perhaps because we live so long, our brains sometimes have to rearrange our memories. We just don’t dream about strange things.”

“And you are so sure you’re in Kate Bishop’s dream?” Natasha motions around. “That probably means you passed out, most likely from injury, and you drank her blood. A lot.”

Yelena grows restless. “Did I hurt her?”

Natasha doesn’t want to break her little sister’s heart. Her little sister shouldn’t get hurt anymore.

“Calm down, Yelena,” Natasha says reassuringly. “See the light? As long as there’s light, Kate Bishop is fine.”

But this does nothing to calm Yelena’s anxiety. She stands up and walks restlessly in the forest. “How can I wake up from this?”

“I have no clue,” Natasha says honestly, “But you know, you can always ask for help. It doesn’t have to be me, or any widow. It could be this… Kate Bishop. I do not know what happened between you, but I know she is a good werewolf. Very good at doing her archer thing.”

“You just need to let her in, and I’m sure that pup is more than happy to help,” Natasha adds.

“I don’t want to see her get hurt.” Yelena purses her lips. “These missions… is not her burden. She can be a great neighbor-friendly werewolf vigilante, but vampires, widows, these are too much. She’s a literal daywalker, she doesn’t need a dark world with nothing but blood.”

Sometimes her little sister is really stubborn, Natasha thinks, sighing. “She’s a werewolf, Lena, she can take care of herself. They are one of the strongest, toughest races besides us. The life of a werewolf is just as violent and bloody, and she’s fine. Is this how little you put your faith in her?”

“Of course I believe in her,” Yelena retorts.

“I’m just… afraid that I would hurt her. But obviously that’s what happened already, isn’t it?” Yelena waves around angrily.

Natasha shakes her head.

“Sometimes you take the missions too personally, and I know that since Alex – no, hear me out,” Natasha says, waving at Yelena to let her finish.

Yelena makes an audible complaint, crosses her arms and pouts.

“You don’t talk to mom much – I understand that. You always accept my invitation to movie night, but you don’t want to accept my help. You feel responsible for liberating the other widows because you killed Oksana. But we, all the other widows are there. Even if we have other goals, we are still happy to help if you ask. You don’t have to go through this alone. They are our sisters, too. If you really don’t want our help, then you can take it from Kate Bishop, who somehow charms you. After all, I know you’ve always had a soft spot for puppies. Oh, Alexi will be so jealous.”

“I can tell by her scent that she’s a sweet puppy. Probably is overthinking by now, and very sad because you don’t want to open up to her,” adds Natasha as she pulls a straight face, but can’t stop smiling.

“Oh shut up Natasha!” Yelena shouts, annoyed, and pushes Natasha hard. Natasha lets her.

Natasha patiently gives Yelena some time to calm down. When she finally calms down, Natasha bumps her shoulder with her own. “All you have to do is ask, okay?”

Yelena nods reluctantly.

“So how do I get out of here, Smartass?”

“I really don’t know,” Natasha says.

They sit in silence for a while until they hear a voice calling for Yelena.

“Well, that’s my cue. Give your wolf a chance, will you?” Natasha jumps up and disappears before Yelena could say a word.

“Natalia, she’s not m-” Yelena has not finished when she is suddenly pulled out of the dream.

Kate’s voice calling out to her in the dream now is overlapping with reality. Yelena finds herself staring at Kate’s face, which is pale from blood loss. Yelena’s teeth marks were on her neck, and her body is covered in blood.

Kate floats drunkenly over her pheromones, smiling weakly at Yelena.

“Hey, Yelena… I feel terrific…” Kate manages to give her a thumb up and the smile on her face widens.

Kate is so high on Yelena’s pheromones. 

Fuck.

Yelena lets go of Kate violently.

Yelena opens the window for ventilation, so that the room is no longer filled with her pheromones. She wants to run away, but… this is literally her house, and she really has nowhere to go. Besides, there’s so shameful for leaving a bleeding friend behind after she saved her life. She doesn’t want to be the cruel, heartless vampire stereotype anymore.

Then she picks Kate up and put her on the couch, cleans the blood off Kate (thankfully, most of it isn’t hers), examines her wounds (she doesn’t want to abuse her power anymore, at least not now), patches her up and curls up on the other side of the couch until Kate wakes up.

After a while, Kate slowly recovers. She blinks and sits up to look at Yelena.

“Yelena! Are you okay??? Oh My God, I thought you were going to die. Your wounds wouldn’t heal! Were you attacked by some kind of magical sun?”

Yelena looks at Kate in shock, unable to speak. Then she smiles mournfully. “I attacked you and you’re asking me how I am?”

“Well, duh, you were the one lying unconscious on the floor,” Kate retorts, “You needed blood, so I provided it. But I should have known you’d go berserk. I get desperate when I’m really hungry too. Next time I’ll tie you up before feeding you. Oops. It sounds a little bit kinky, so I’ll just shut up.”

Yelena shuts her eyes so that Kate wouldn’t see her eyes that betray her feelings. Kate Bishop is just too good for her.

“I’m fine. But you’re still bleeding. May I?” Yelena calms down and asks softly.

“Be my guest,” Kate chuckles, “I think you should do that. Although I don’t feel any pain anymore, I think it’s best to stop bleeding in your house. Do you also heal all the other humans who provide you blood every time?”

Yelena smiles wryly, drops her fangs and bites her finger. Kate doesn’t even flinch at it.

Her finger runs over the cut on Kate’s wrist, then the bite marks beside it, then a scrape on Kate’s shoulder, then the bite marks on Kate’s neck, and a cut on her face.

“I would offer, but some humans like to keep the bite marks, I think they like to keep them as souvenirs. What happened?” Yelena looks at Kate, who is dirty and covered in blood.

“A group of mindless vampires under magical control attacked the city, and I destroyed them,” Kate says. “No humans were hurt. Don’t worry about me… What about you, you were out of town for days, and you almost died in your own house… What happened to you?”

Yelena lets out a long sigh with mixed feelings.

“You’re doing it again,” Kate says cautiously as she moves to Yelena’s side at some point, mimicking her posture and leaning on Yelena.

“Doing what?”

“Still like a statue,” Kate explains.

Yelena smiles bitterly.

After a while, Yelena finally speaks. “Tell me, Kate Bishop, how do you do it?”

“Do what?” Kate wonders, not knowing what the conversation is about.

Yelena raises her hand and gestures vaguely, “… This. How do you control yourself as you shift into your wolf form? How do you switch between human and wolf so easily without losing your mind? I’ve seen you in wolf form, Kate. You become more primitive, impulsive, and wilder. But I’ve never seen you lose your control, except maybe that time at the werewolf bar. But that’s because of those wolves. You never lose control when you’re alone, even when you’re in heat or our fights get serious.”

Kate still doesn’t understand what this has to do with what has happened to her in recent days, but she answers after thinking. “My mom’s a werewolf, you know? I guess you already knew that.”

Yelena nods.

“She always told me, trust my gut, trust your wolf. Werewolves are impulsive, act on Instinct, you know, but instinct isn’t always bad.” Kate says, “Mom always said that the wolf inside of us knows what to do. You just have to let go of your fear and let the wolf support you. I always trust my wolf whether I’m firing my shots, or shifting into wolf form.”

“Just like that? Trust your instincts? What if my instincts are bad? What If I can’t trust my heart? I’m not like you, Kate Bishop. I’m not as good as you. I am a vampire,” says Yelena, slightly shivering.

“Vampires and werewolves aren’t that different,” Kate muses, “You’re very fierce when you’re on full vampire mode, that’s super sexy by the way, but I can tell that you’re very well in control and you don’t want to hurt me. Well, most of the time.”

“Maybe your situation is the other way around,” Kate adds thoughtfully. “You just need to believe you can control your vampire instincts.”

Kate smiles. “You didn’t drain me dry back there, did you? You stopped.”

Yelena turns to look at Kate. There’s something in her smile that makes Yelena desperately want to believe her. And the need to bare her soul to Kate impulsively.

“I was once one of the vampires under the control of magic,” Yelena says suddenly. “Before Natasha defected… all widows are bound by the bonds between their makers who turned them. A vampire’s maker can control their progeny, but the progeny can still fight back. It takes great courage and extraordinary skills, but it can be done. After Natasha escaped, Dreykov started to put all the widows under magical control, eliminating the last chance of resistance. That’s when I was just turned. Eight years later, I was released by an older widow with the magic antidote, but I landed a fatal blow before she sprayed it in my face. I watched her die. I was so scared. Before Natasha came to me, I had no idea how to deal with blood lust. Under the control of magic, we can no longer feel any desire or any emotion, so naturally, when I was released, all the feelings and desires came back. I tried to count human heartbeats every time I fed, but I met a fairy once. She smelled so good, and that’s how I found out fairy blood is so addictive. Their blood was just like vampire heroin, so I totally lost control and attacked her. When I snapped out of it, she has passed out. I was so afraid that I killed another innocent person, so I took her to the hospital, but I was too scared to stay. When I went to see her the next day, she did not wake up. The nurse said she did not have a blood type at all. Doctors did not know how to treat her. I managed to sneak into the ward eventually, and transfused my blood to her. I could see her recovery, but I left before she could even open her eyes. I swear I will never lose control again after that. But I think I finally lost control and bit you. See the bite marks on your neck… I’m truly sorry.”

Yelena lets out a long, trembling breath. She looks down and realizes that at some point, Kate’s hand has been placed on her, drawing soothing circles on her thigh. When did she get so comfortable with Kate’s touch?

Kate keeps caressing her, uncharacteristically not rambling. Yelena just told her the most private thing about her, and that’s a lot. Kate starts to understand why she has always been so controlled and so guarded. After everything she’s been through…

Kate waits for both of them to calm down before saying in a soft voice, “First… I let you drink my blood willingly. You did not ‘attack’ me. Secondly, you didn’t kill me. You stopped. And you didn’t kill that fairy, did you? Instead, you saved her. The way I see it, you can control yourself perfectly.”

“But I still hurt you. I bit you. Twice. That fairy wouldn’t have gotten into that situation if it wasn’t for me,” Yelena cries out in frustration.

“What’s her name, the fairy?” Kate asks.

Yelena pauses and closes her eyes.

“Claudine, her name is Claudine,” she says in a broken voice.

Kate nods and moves closer. She leans close to Yelena, one hand pressing soothingly against Yelena’s lap, the other arm around Yelena’s shoulder, grounding her.

“Hey, Yelena,” Kate pushes gently, “look at me. You’re a vampire. You need to feed to survive. I understand now. You never kill humans for blood. And you never kill for fun. You care about every human you feed on. You’re a kind vampire. Sometimes accidents happen, and you can’t stop them, but you can fix them. You’ve controlled your bloodlust, you didn’t kill Claudine, and you didn’t kill me. It’s normal for you to feel sad. It’s very human. I can’t speak for Claudine, but I don’t blame you, okay, Yelena? I know you weren’t yourself when you bit me. But you eventually got your blood lust under control. You’re GOOD.”

She looks into Kate’s clear blue eyes and cannot find a trace of a lie. Her vampire heart is no longer beating, but she feels a surge of emotion deep inside her dead heart. “Oh Kate… You really… you really are something.”

A tear runs down from the corner of Yelena’s eye, and she notices that Kate is immediately getting nervous. “Yelena! Are you all right? Your eye is bleeding!!! Did the magic do something to you? I-”

Yelena bursts out with a laugh, startling Kate a bit. “Ah, I should have told you. Our tears… are blood.”

“OH.” Kate blinks and laughs back.

When the laughter stops, Kate tentatively holds Yelena’s hand. Yelena does not resist.

“So, you want to tell me what you’ve been up to these few days?”

So Yelena tells Kate everything. Because how could she look into Kate Bishop’s puppy eyes and say no?

Yelena explains how she found out about the witch’s relationship with Kingpin and Xi, and how she took care of the half-skilled witch and went after the cult leader eventually. Apparently, that cult leader has a few tricks up his sleeve besides the magic-controlled army of vampires. Yelena finally managed to snap his neck, but he hurt her badly with magic. Yelena left as fast as she could to avoid any possible reinforcements. She managed to get back to her house and avoid fainting outside. Otherwise, she might have been burned to ashes by the rising sun.

“I kept calling him by his full name, and he got so mad and started throwing magic all over the place. Apparently, no one had dared to call him by his full name for a long time. He was so angry that he missed his shot and I finally got the chance to go behind him and break his neck. You should have seen his face. All he could think about before he died was how dare someone call him by his name!” Yelena says with a half-laugh.

Kate laughs too. It is hard to imagine that anyone cares so much about names these days. “And what do his people call him, ‘My Lord’?”

“Something like that, I guess. Those dictators are all the same. They took themselves too seriously.” Says Yelena casually.

“In this case, I’m glad you killed him and didn’t die, and I’d be very sad if you did,” Kate says softly, looking into her eyes.

Yelena swallows hard. She doesn’t know when they got so close. She looks into Kate’s blue eyes, which are filled with unquestionable affection, mixed with desire. They fuck regularly enough for Yelena to recognize Kate’s desire. She looks at Kate’s lips and licks her own unconsciously. They never have sex outside of Kate’s heat. They also never discuss their arrangements outside of the bedroom. Yelena’s eyes meet Kate’s again, and her own desire is reflected in Kate’s eyes.

Yelena knows too well that Kate wouldn’t do anything. Kate is way too polite and sweet to do anything to make Yelena feel uncomfortable. Even during her hormonal heat, she always listens to Yelena. But the thing is, Yelena desperately wants to kiss Kate Bishop. And it’s too real, too overwhelming.

Yelena breaks their eye contact.

“I… It’s almost sunrise. I need a shower before I go to bed,” Yelena says awkwardly, standing up.

“Okay.” Kate doesn’t take her eyes off her.

Yelena disappears behind the bathroom door, and Kate looks at the time. The sun doesn’t rise for another three hours.


Yelena turns the water temperature to the lowest, and clears her head under freezing cold running water.

She wants Kate so bad. She really does. She wants Kate to come in, but a part of her is scared, more than she’d admit. She is afraid that she would end up hurting Kate, not to mention that she is immortal and Kate is not.

还有那个梦。叶琳娜不确定那是一个梦,还是她潜意识在对她窃窃私语。但她记得梦里娜塔莎关心的眼神。她知道娜塔莎是对的。她知道那也是现实中娜塔莎会给她的建议,她也毫不怀疑现实中的娜塔莎已经知道凯特的存在了,正等着她提出来,然后她会嘲笑叶琳娜的多愁善感并说些类似“你忍心看那只小狗伤心吗”的话。

And the dream. Yelena isn’t sure if it was a dream or if her subconscious was fucking with her. But she remembers the concern in Natasha’s eyes. She knows Natasha was right. She knows it’s the actual advice that Natasha would give her, and she has no doubt that Natasha already knew about Kate and she is waiting for Yelena to speak first, then she would laugh at Yelena’s sentimentality and say something like, “You wouldn’t have the heart to see that pup suffer, would you?”

“All you have to do is ask,” Natasha’s voice is echoing in her head.

Yelena doesn’t know it takes how long before she hears the sound of the door opening. It’s Kate.

“You’ve been in the bathroom too long,” Kate, still dressed in bloodstained clothes, tells her lazily. “I also want to take a shower. I’m all filthy and sticky. Can I share the shower with you?”

When Kate acts like that she is basically a golden retriever begging for food, and how could Yelena say no to her favorite wolf pup? She’s just an ordinary vampire girl.

With a sigh, she sets the water temperature to mortal-friendly mode and motions for Kate to come in.

Kate is more than happy to take off her dirty clothes. She makes sure to show off her abs while undressing.

Neither of them was unfamiliar with each other’s naked bodies, but Yelena couldn’t help but stare at Kate. Kate is breathtakingly beautiful. And she knows Yelena is watching, as she gives her an understanding smirk. Yelena rolls her eyes and makes room for Kate.

At first, they’re just sharing a shower innocently. The blood stains on their bodies are washed away by the water and the shower gel, staining the floor red.

Yelena loses track of who initiates the kiss. They kiss under the shower head. It’s different from any passionate and hormone-driven kisses they had before. It’s sweeter and gentler.

“Kate Bishop,” Yelena sighs softly as they kiss.

“I have a question,” Kate whispers against Yelena’s lips.

“Always so many questions,” Yelena says with a chuckle deep from her throat.

“What did I taste like?” Kate asks curiously.

Yelena kisses Kate again, this time hungrier. She keeps planting kisses on Kate’s chin and neck, especially focusing on the place she had bitten, as she says during the kiss, “You taste like pure vodka. Strong, aggressive, complex, concentrated, the most delicious mortal I’ve ever tasted,”

Kate blushes and moans under Yelena’s skillful kissing. “I don’t know I’m so tasty,”

“I’ll let you know how delicious you are,” she promises, kissing all over her abs and letting Kate lean back against the cold tile, kneeling on the floor and going down on her.

Yelena wants to worship Kate. She makes love to Kate with her tongue devoutly, and she will let Kate feel heaven.

One of the benefits of being a vampire is that she doesn’t need to breathe. Yelena makes Kate come three times before standing up. She titles her head up and kisses Kate.

“You taste good, don’t you,” Yelena whispers, looking at Kate.

Kate groans and pulls Yelena into another passionate kiss.

“Let me take care of you,” Kate says with passion.

“I am scared,” says Yelena, trembling slightly. She suddenly feels very vulnerable, and it has nothing to do with the fact that she has just given Kate three orgasms or the temperature or the fact that she is completely naked with Kate.

Kate changes her position and put her arms around Yelena from behind, leaving a series of gentle kisses on her neck and shoulders. “I know,”

Kate’s hug is very grounding, warming her supposedly dead vampire heart. She turns her head, and reaches out to pull Kate’s face down for a kiss.

“Fight Valentina with me,” Yelena suddenly says. “She has a lot of werewolves. I need a werewolf ally of my own.”

Yelena can feel, rather than see Kate’s smug smile. “Thought you never ask.”

“You know, we’ve never had sex in your bathroom,” Kate says cheerfully, “And we’ve had sex on every other surface of your house. There’s still time before sunrise. We should make the most of it.”

“You talk too much, Kate Bishop,” Yelena smirks. “Put your mouth to good use, will ya?”

Kate has that cocky smile in her eyes. “Challenge accepted.”

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【Bishova】初尝滋味(8)

叶琳娜出城了几天。对此叶琳娜没有解释,只告诉凯特她会在今天回来并让她“注意满月时街上的动静”。凯特尽量不要因为“叶琳娜决定出城但除了这什么也不告诉她”这点而烦恼。她们只是朋友,碰巧还定期上床而已,又不是说叶琳娜有义务要告知凯特她在她的空余时间在干什么。虽然凯特有95%的把握是“寡妇相关的事务”,但叶琳娜已经说得很清楚了,她不需要凯特的帮助。虽说如此,但凯特就是忍不住想要噘嘴。要是叶琳娜愿意和她进一步合作就好了,凯特边在街上巡逻边闷闷不乐地想着,我们在床上和在训练中都配合得很好!没有什么理由不延续我们的合作!

凯特喜欢叶琳娜;从叶琳娜的行为来看,她也喜欢凯特。凯特不明白为什么叶琳娜与她分享这么多事情,却唯独在她的任务上非常保守。这肯定和凯特的技能无关:尽管凯特确定叶琳娜只要愿意她仍然能狠狠地踢她的屁股,但经过叶琳娜的训练凯特的技能已经大大提高了,对付普通吸血鬼和狼人不在话下,即使叶琳娜也很认可(叶琳娜每次夸她是个好女孩的时候,凯特都必须忍住在叶琳娜面前露出肚皮拍打尾巴的样子,好吧,她可能有赞美怪癖)。凯特想要帮助叶琳娜。她就是忍不住。她天性乐于助人。

今天是满月之夜。凯特继续她的巡逻(和她的闷闷不乐),直到她注意到了一些异常。

她闻到了一群不熟悉的吸血鬼的靠近。叶琳娜告诉过她吸血鬼大都独来独往,群居的吸血鬼通常倾向于更加残暴,所以凯特自然警惕了起来。

她转过拐角,远远看见了那群吸血鬼。即使距离尚远,但她认识一个吸血鬼足够久了,这她也意识到了那群吸血鬼的问题:她们显然被什么黑魔法控制了。

凯特见过叶琳娜完全吸血鬼的一面。当她们的练习变得更加认真的时候,叶琳娜就像她狼人化一样:凶猛,专注,狂野。唯一一件与吸血鬼不相关的事情就是漫无目的。而那群吸血鬼看起来完全就是一群没有脑子的僵尸。而且她们看起来饥饿极了。

这大概就是叶琳娜要凯特注意的事情,凯特懊恼地想。一群被控制了的吸血鬼,真是好极了。

她不知道谁在操纵这些吸血鬼;她也没有时间去找那个始作俑者,因为这群吸血鬼已经靠得很近了。她们四散开来寻找无辜的人类满足嗜血欲望只是迟早的事情。

凯特急匆匆地跑到她藏着弓箭的地方,拿出她新制作的箭头。她不能把这群吸血鬼驱散了,要不然她们四散开来会对更难抓捕;所以她决定把这群没有脑子的吸血鬼的注意力都吸引到她身上,把她们引到远离人类聚集的城市中心。

凯特拉弓上弦,瞄准领头吸血鬼的心脏。木芯银箭头射穿了她,然后吸血鬼炸成了一滩血浆。哎呀。凯特瑟缩了一下。叶琳娜提醒过她吸血鬼死后的样子,但亲眼看到还是让凯特小小的恶心了一下。

剩下的吸血鬼顺着箭头的来源看过来,对凯特发出了非人的咆哮。

“啊哦,不是很想聊天,知道了,”凯特小声说,开始撤退。她开始认为还是会说话的吸血鬼比较有意思,虽然很恼人,但至少叶琳娜没打算撕开她的喉咙。

她的第二支箭飞进了吸血鬼中间,释放出胶体银。吸血鬼们纷纷被胶体银烫伤,正式被凯特惹恼了。她们以吸血鬼的速度冲了过来。凯特边撤退边用弓箭很有效率地解决了前十个吸血鬼,但弓箭实在不适合近身搏斗。谁能想到呢?一向准备充分的凯特并没有在她常规武器里添加木桩。允许她自我辩护一下,她认为弓箭完全够用了。所以自然,凯特选择变形。

她咬掉了第一个靠近她的吸血鬼的脑袋,血溅了她一脸。呕。虽然她自己不喜欢,但她发现体内的狼很显然并不在乎。她摇摇脑袋甩掉她的不适,猛地扑向第二个冲向她的吸血鬼。


经过周密的卧底和调查,叶琳娜发现那个非常有问题的女巫集会头头并不是什么强大的女巫,只是从一个叫习的人的信徒。据那个巫师的说法,习是一个拥有大量资源的贪婪商人/邪教组织头头,从臭名昭著的犯罪头子金并到籍籍无名的不入流黑巫师,只要你符合他的价值观并给足够的钱,他就会给你提供一切不合法的东西。

习是一个贪生怕死、报复心强的人。那个巫师说。他身边时刻围着里三层外三层的吸血鬼保镖——被魔法控制的吸血鬼们。他对他手下的人的控制欲是出了名的,而且他会大肆报复与他作对的人。

叶琳娜就指望这个了。她会在习为他的小信徒复仇的时候将他永久消灭。

她厌倦了这个二流巫师滔滔不绝地谈论他的人类至上的政治宣传,她冲上前,撕开了那人的喉咙,公开在台上吸血。

下面的观众尖叫起来,然后如鸟兽一般惊恐散开,冲向唯一的出口。

出于某种原因(她不会承认和某个善良的狼人有关),她并没有追捕这女巫会里剩下的每一个人。

“别再想控制不死者了,”叶琳娜瞬间出现在唯一的出口,挡住了所有企图逃离的人群。她一个人站在门口,面对着数十倍的、比她高大的人群。她心知大部分人都不是什么真正的信徒,即便那些真真情实感憎恶吸血鬼的可悲人类,大部分既没有机会也没有胆量和吸血鬼正面对抗。他们最多只敢伤害被银链锁住的毫无反抗能力的吸血鬼。尽管一部分的她认为他们都值得为仇恨犯罪付出代价,但是她还是选择不杀死他们。不是今天。“我们不是任人控制的种族。现在快离开吧,如果我再发现有人企图对吸血鬼进行种族灭绝……我会追捕你们每一个人。”

“我记住你们了。每一个人。”她露出带血的尖牙,朝人群露出一个邪恶的笑容。接着,她凭空消失了,只留下一群惊恐万分的人类。

那个巫师没有错,两天后,一个大腹便便的亚裔男人带着数量夸张的吸血鬼保镖找上了叶琳娜。

她不奇怪这男人认出了她;她也做了她的调查,清楚这位邪教领袖习惯于收集别人的信息用于敲诈勒索。而且叶琳娜知道自己惹了多少坏家伙。她也有自己的名声好吧。

她也不奇怪这人企图用娜塔莎威胁她。多么老套的反派套路……叶琳娜翻了个白眼,哼了一声。娜塔莎可以照顾好自己,如果习认为这就能让她屈服,那真是太小瞧她了。

虽然她也不奇怪反派见软硬不吃就想招募她,但她还是受不了了,为什么反派都如此无趣???她想凯特·毕肖普了,凯特即使在她们之间敌意最大的时候都很有趣,她甚至在她们打架的时候约她出去喝一杯!想到这里,叶琳娜忍不住露出一丝笑意。凯特·毕肖普——她聪明而有趣,天真但勇敢,凶猛却又甜美,顽固得令人恼火(有时候这点也让她觉得非常火辣),有时候傻乎乎的;叶琳娜不得不承认,她被凯特·毕肖普吸引了。

她的思绪被一个男性的胡言乱语打断了:他显得非常愤怒,显然认为叶琳娜是在嘲笑他,于是他决定威胁要让叶琳娜的身份曝光,派他手下的吸血鬼军队到叶琳娜的城市大搞破坏,让当地人反对她。

这种威胁对她一点用都没有,因为老实说,她并不在乎人类;但凯特·毕肖普在乎。所以叶琳娜离开前她让凯特多注意。她相信凯特有足够的能力保护脆弱的、不值得保护的人类。

“你太自以为是了。在我看来,你这种喋喋不休的老年男性就该和你夸夸其谈的政治宣传一起下地狱。这样世界会更好一点。”叶琳娜大笑出声,然后以迅雷不及掩耳之势掏出双枪,瞄准离她最近的吸血鬼的心脏开火。

那怕死的男人见状,悄悄在他的吸血鬼傀儡的掩护下逃跑了。


凯特咬断了最后一个吸血鬼的脖颈。

以防万一,她搜寻了一周,确保没有逃脱的吸血鬼在城里展开血腥盛宴。

确认没有漏网之鱼后,凯特出发去找叶琳娜。她不知道叶琳娜什么时候回来,但她认为叶琳娜需要知道今天有一群行为诡异的吸血鬼出现。

凯特到了叶琳娜的家里,却发现门是开的。她的脑海里警铃大作,小心翼翼地闯进了屋里。

只有叶琳娜。她昏迷不醒,鲜血淋漓——没有愈合。凯特甚至不知道吸血鬼还会无法自愈。凯特检查叶琳娜的身体,开始明白为什么叶琳娜没有愈合了——魔法烧伤。

凯特想不出除了鲜血之外还有什么能让吸血鬼恢复的东西。

“好吧,叶琳娜,我要自愿让你咬我了。希望你不要暴走什么的。”凯特嘟囔着,挽起袖子,把手腕贴在叶琳娜嘴边。

几下心跳后,凯特发现叶琳娜太虚弱了以至于不能伸出尖牙。

“啊,”凯特摇了摇头,自己对自己说,一边疯狂搜索着尖锐的东西,“你欠我一次,叶琳娜。”

她从叶琳娜的一个口袋里找到了一把银质小刀,在自己手腕上划开了一道口子。鲜血流了下来,她把自己的手腕靠近叶琳娜,祈祷她能快点恢复。


叶琳娜在自己的房间里醒来。她的房间里静悄悄的没有其他,但有什么不对劲。光线从她不透光的窗帘后投射进来。她小心翼翼地打开房门,发现门外竟是森林。很像她和凯特见面的那片森林,但整个森林都笼罩在一种柔和的姬佬紫色的光芒中,所以叶琳娜几乎立刻意识到了自己在凯特的梦境里。叶琳娜翻了个白眼,但却到处找不到凯特。她继续在森林里搜寻,直到她听到身后的动静。

她飞快地转过身,没想到是娜塔莎站在她身后。

“为什么你站在那里不动像走进了地雷阵里一样?”娜塔莎开玩笑地说。

“我不确定我能不能信任你。”叶琳娜警惕地说,“这是什么陷阱吗?她在哪里?”

“凯特·毕肖普?你的小狼人?”娜塔莎坏笑着说。

叶琳娜忘记了谨慎。她飞扑过去,锁住了这个娜塔莎的喉咙。“到底你是谁?你怎么知道凯特·毕肖普?”

“老天啊,sestra,”娜塔莎在她身下抱怨道,没有反抗只是举起双手以示没有恶意,接着她露出一个标志性的恼人坏笑,“你认为你能每次来找我的时候都闻起来像同一只小狗而我不会注意到吗?”

如果叶琳娜还能脸红的话她会的。她松开娜塔莎,嘟囔着说,“凯特·毕肖普不是我的,”

“你知道狼人在发情期闻起来很香吧?”娜塔莎笑着问。

如果可能的话叶琳娜的脸涨得更红了。

“她也不属于任何人,你的尖牙离她远点,”叶琳娜低吼起来。

娜塔莎眨了眨眼睛,把叶琳娜的表情尽收眼底。

“我完全没有这个意思,”娜塔莎大笑起来,“不过你回答了我的疑问!所以你确实睡——”

“闭嘴!娜塔莎我发誓如果你说完这句话我会狠狠伤害你——无论在这个地方我能不能伤害你——”叶琳娜大吼,感觉自己的脸烧起来了。

娜塔莎放声大笑。叶琳娜在娜塔莎胳膊上狠狠打了一拳。

笑声逐渐停了下来,娜塔莎好奇地问,“这是什么地方?”

叶琳娜翻了个白眼。“不清楚。我还以为你知道呢。”

“叶琳娜,我在你的梦里,”娜塔莎用捂住了眼睛,她的小妹妹有时候真的蠢得可以。“应该是你告诉我才对。”

“这……不是我的梦,”叶琳娜困惑地说,不自在地握紧了拳头。“要我猜测的话,这是凯特·毕肖普的。虽然我也不知道为什么我会在她的梦境里。”

娜塔莎同情地看着她的小妹妹。她知道叶琳娜不喜欢失去控制,或者在这种情况下,出现在一个完全陌生的无法理解的地方。

“这个凯特·毕肖普,你有和她谈过吗?”娜塔莎温和地说。

“关于什么?”叶琳娜有些暴躁地说。“谈论我会不会不知怎么的出现在了她的梦境里?不,这显然不是什么平常的对话。”

娜塔莎转了转眼睛。“你知道我们吸血鬼会做什么梦吗?我们的梦,几乎总是关于过去的回忆。可能因为我们的寿命太长了,大脑有时候需要重新梳理记忆一样。我们不会梦到陌生的事情。”

“你这么确定你在凯特·毕肖普的梦里?”娜塔莎朝周围示意了一下,“说明你晕过去了。很可能是因为受伤。而你喝了她的血。很多。”

叶琳娜不安起来。“我伤害了她吗?”

娜塔莎不想让她的小妹妹心碎。她的小妹妹不该再受到更多伤害了。

“冷静,叶琳娜。”娜塔莎安抚道,“看到这光线了吗?只要它还亮着,就说明凯特·毕肖普没有事。”

但这丝毫没有平复叶琳娜的焦虑。她站起来,在森林里焦躁地走来走去。“我要怎么才能醒来???”

“我也不知道。”娜塔莎老实说,“但是你知道的,你总是可以请求帮助。不一定是我,或者任何一个寡妇,可以是这个……凯特·毕肖普。我不知道你们之间发生了什么,但是我知道她是个善良的狼人。非常擅长做她的弓箭手的事情。”

“你只要让她进来。我敢保证那只小狼不仅仅是乐意帮忙。”娜塔莎补充道。

“我不想看让她受到伤害。”叶琳娜抿起嘴唇。“这些任务……不是她的负担。她可以当一个很棒的邻家友好狼人义警,但吸血鬼,寡妇,这些太多了。她是个日行者,她不需要另一个只有血腥的黑暗世界。”

有时候她的小妹妹真的很固执,娜塔莎心想,叹了口气。“她是个狼人,莉娜,她可以照顾好自己。她们是最坚强最凶悍的种族之一。狼人文化同样充斥着暴力和血腥,她照样好好的。你就这么不相信她吗?”

“我当然相信她。”叶琳娜反驳。

“我只是……害怕会伤害她。但显然这已经发生了,不是吗?”叶琳娜恼火地向周围挥手示意。

娜塔莎摇了摇头。

“有时候你把任务看得太私人了。我知道自从艾利克斯后——不,听我说完,”娜塔莎看到叶琳娜激动起来,挥手要求叶琳娜让她说完。

叶琳娜发出一声清晰的抱怨,抱起胳膊撅起了嘴。

“你很少和妈妈说话——我理解这个。你虽然每次都接受我的电影之夜邀请,但你不愿意接受我的帮助。你觉得解放其他寡妇是你的责任,因为你当初杀死了奥卡萨娜。但是我们,其他所有寡妇一直都在。即使我们有其他的目标了,但只要你开口,我们都乐意帮忙。你不用独自一个人承受这些。她们也是我们的姐妹。如果你确实不愿意接受我们的帮助,那么你也可以接受这个不知怎么让你神魂颠倒的凯特·毕肖普的帮助。毕竟,我知道你一向偏爱小狗。哦,阿莱克西会嫉妒死的。”

“即使是仅从她的气味我就知道她是只甜美的小狗。可能正因为你不愿意对她敞开心扉而胡思乱想,不知所措,非常伤心。”娜塔莎一本正经地补充道,露出一丝笑容。

“哦闭嘴吧娜塔莎!”叶琳娜恼火地大喊,狠狠推了娜塔莎一把。娜塔莎让着她。

娜塔莎耐心地给了叶琳娜一段时间,等她平静下来。等叶琳娜冷静下来,娜塔莎用自己的肩膀撞了撞叶琳娜的肩膀。“你只要开口就好了,行吗?”

叶琳娜不情愿地点了点头。

“那我要怎么才能离开这里呢,聪明鬼?”

“我真的不知道。”娜塔莎说。

她们静静坐了一会儿,直到她们都听到一个声音在呼唤叶琳娜。

“好了,这就是我的信号了。给你的小狼一个机会,好吗?”娜塔莎跳了起来,消失了。

“娜塔莉亚,她不是我——”叶琳娜还没说完,就被从梦境里拉了出来。

梦境中凯特呼唤她的声音和现实中的重合在一起,叶琳娜发现自己正盯着自己身下凯特因为失血而苍白的脸,她的脖颈上有叶琳娜的牙印,浑身都是血。

凯特在她的信息素醉醺醺地漂浮着,朝叶琳娜露出一个虚弱的笑容。

“嘿,叶琳娜……我感觉好极了……”凯特设法竖起大拇指,脸上的笑容扩大了。

因为叶琳娜的信息素,凯特嗨得不清。

操。 

叶琳娜猛地放开了凯特。

叶丽娜打开窗户通风,让室内不再充斥着自己的信息素。她想要逃跑,但……这就是她的房子,她真的没有什么地方可逃。而且,在凯特救了她的命后把一个流血不止的朋友丢下实在不是什么光彩的事情。她不想再当刻板印象里残忍无情的吸血鬼了。

然后她把凯特抱起来放到沙发上,擦干净凯特身上的血迹(谢天谢地,大部分血都不是她的),检查凯特的伤口(她不想再滥用自己的能力了,至少现在不行),给她包扎,然后在沙发的另一端缩成一团,等凯特清醒过来。

过了一会儿,凯特慢慢恢复了过来。她眨了眨眼睛,坐起来看向叶琳娜。

“叶琳娜!你还好吗?天哪,我以为你要死了,你的伤口没有愈合,你是被什么魔法太阳攻击了吗——”

叶琳娜惊愕地看着凯特,说不出话来。接着她悲伤地笑了,“我袭击了你,你却问我好不好?”

“好吧,当然,你是刚刚那个躺在地上昏迷不醒的人!”凯特反驳道,“你需要血,所以我提供了。不过我应该知道你会暴走的,我很饿的时候也会饥不择食。下次我会把你绑起来。啊呀。听起来有点怪,我还是闭嘴吧。”

叶琳娜闭上眼睛,不让凯特看到泄露了她的情感的眼睛。凯特·毕肖普对她来说真的是太好了。

“我没事。但你还在流血。我可以吗?”叶琳娜平静下来,温柔地问道。

“请便。”凯特轻笑起来,“我觉得你应该这么做。虽然我一点都不觉得疼,但我觉得还是不要在你家里流血不止了。你每次也会治愈给你提供鲜血的人类吗?”

叶琳娜苦笑了一下,伸出尖牙,咬破了一根手指。凯特甚至没有畏缩一下。

她带血的手指滑过凯特手腕上的刀伤,然后是旁边叶琳娜留下的咬痕,接着是凯特肩膀上的一处擦伤,最后是凯特脖颈上的咬痕和脸上的一道划伤。

“我会提供。不过有的人类喜欢保留咬痕。我觉得她们喜欢留作纪念。发生了什么?”叶琳娜打量着凯特,她脏兮兮的,浑身覆盖着血污。

“一群被魔法控制了的无脑吸血鬼袭击了城市。我消灭了她们。”凯特说。“没有人类受伤。别担心我……那你呢,你出城几天,然后差点死在自己家门口……发生了什么?”

叶琳娜长叹了一声,心情复杂。

“你又在这么做了。”凯特不知道什么时候挪到了叶琳娜身边,模仿她的姿势靠在叶琳娜身上,小心翼翼地说。

“做什么?” 

“像雕像一样不动了。”凯特解释。

叶琳娜苦笑起来。

过了一会儿,叶琳娜终于开口说话。“告诉我,凯特·毕肖普,你是怎么做到的?”

“做什么呀?”凯特不知道这场对话都在谈论什么,十分困惑。

叶琳娜举起手模糊地示意了一下,“……这个。你是怎么控制你的变身的?你是怎么做到在人类和狼的形态间来回切换自如,而不失去理智的?我见过你化作狼形的样子,凯特。你变得更加原始,更加冲动,更加凶猛。但我从来没有看到过你失去控制,可能除了狼人酒吧的那一次。但那是因为那些狼群。你独自一个人的时候从来没有失去控制,哪怕是在你的发情期中,或者我们打架变得严肃起来的时候。”

凯特仍然不明白这和叶琳娜最近几天的遭遇有什么关系,但她思考了一下,还是回答了。“我妈妈是狼人,你知道吧?我猜你已经知道了。”

叶琳娜点了点头。

“她总是告诉我,相信我的内心,相信狼。狼人都很冲动凭着本能行动,你已经知道了,但是本能并不总是坏事,”凯特说,“妈妈总是说,我们内心的那头狼知道该怎么做,你只要放下恐惧,让她支持你。我总是相信我的狼,在射箭的时候这样,变形的时候也这样。”

“就这样?相信你的本能?如果我的本能已经坏了呢?如果我无法信任我的内心呢?我不像你,凯特·毕肖普,我不像你一样美好。我是一个吸血鬼。”叶琳娜说,带着一丝颤抖。

“吸血鬼和狼人没那么不同。”凯特若有所思地说,“你在吸血鬼化的时候非常凶猛,顺便一提,这非常性感,但是我看出来你每次都有控制力度,不伤害到我。好吧,绝大部分时候。”

“或许你的情况是反过来的。”凯特若有所思地补充,“你只要相信你可以控制你的吸血鬼本能。”

凯特微微一笑。“你刚刚就没有把我吸干,不是吗?你停下来了。”

叶琳娜转过头看着凯特。她的笑容里有什么东西,让叶琳娜绝望地想要相信她。想要冲动地袒露自己。

“我曾经是被魔法控制的吸血鬼之一。”叶琳娜突然说。“在娜塔莎叛逃之前……所有寡妇都被转变她们的创造者之间的关系束缚着。一个吸血鬼的创造者通常可以控制ta的后裔,但后裔仍可以反抗。这需要勇气和非凡的能力,但是还是可以做到的。在娜塔莎逃走后,德雷科夫开始把所有寡妇都置于魔法控制之下,消除了最后一丝反抗机会。那时我才刚刚被转变。八年后,我被一个年长的寡妇用解药释放,但我在她把解药喷在我的脸上前给了她致命一击。我看着她死去。我很害怕。在娜塔莎来找我之前,我完全不知道如何处理嗜血欲望。在魔法控制下,我们感受不到任何欲望或者任何情绪,所以自然,当我被释放了之后,一切感觉都回来了。我在每次进食的时候都试图数人类的心跳,但有一次我遇到了一个精灵。她闻起来太香了。这就是我怎么发现精灵血是如此成瘾的。她们的血就像吸血鬼海洛因一样,所以我完全失去了控制,攻击了她。当我清醒过来的时候,她已经晕过去了。我非常害怕,害怕自己又杀了一个无辜的人,然后我把她送去了医院,但因为太害怕了所以我离开了。等我第二天再去看她的时候她却没有醒来。护士说她没有血型。医生不知道该怎么治疗她。最终,我设法溜进病房,把自己的血输给她。我能看到她的气色在恢复,但我在她睁开眼睛前离开了。我发誓我再也不要失去控制了。但我想我最终还是失去了控制,咬了你。看到你脖颈上的伤痕……我很抱歉。”

叶琳娜长长地颤抖着呼了一口气。她低下头,才意识到不知什么时候,凯特的手放在了她身上,在她的大腿上安抚着画着圈。什么时候她对凯特的接触这么舒适了?

凯特继续抚摸着叶琳娜,反常的没有滔滔不绝。叶琳娜告诉她了对于叶琳娜来说最隐私的事情,这信息量很大。凯特开始理解为什么叶琳娜总是这么克制这么有所保留了。她经历了这么多……

凯特等她们两个人都平静下来后才用温柔的声音说:“首先……我是自愿让你喝我的血的。你没有‘攻击’我。其次,你没有杀了我。你停下来了。你也没有杀死那个精灵,不是吗?你还救了她。在我看来你能完美控制自己。”

“但我还是伤害了你。我咬了你,两次。那个精灵如果不是因为我根本不会陷入那个境遇中。”叶琳娜沮丧地喊道。

“她叫什么名字,那个精灵?”凯特说。

叶琳娜停顿了一下,闭上了眼睛。

“克劳汀,她的名字是克劳汀。”叶琳娜嘶哑着嗓音说。

凯特点了点头,靠得更近了。她紧紧地贴着叶琳娜,一只手安抚性地压在叶琳娜的腿上,另一只手搂住了叶琳娜的肩膀。

“嘿,叶琳娜,”凯特温和地催促着,“看着我。你是个吸血鬼。你需要靠吸血生存。我现在懂了。你从来不靠杀戮人类来获取鲜血,你关心每一个从她们身上进食的人类。你是一个善良的吸血鬼。有时候意外会发生,你没法阻止意外发生,但是你可以做出补救。你控制住了你的嗜血欲望,你没有杀死那个精灵,你也没有杀死我。你感到难过是很正常的,这是非常人类的感觉。我不能为克劳汀说话,但我不怪你,好吗,叶琳娜?我知道你咬我的时候你不是自己。但你最终控制住了嗜血欲望。你很棒。”

叶琳娜看着凯特清澈的蓝色眼睛,找不到一丝说谎的痕迹。她的吸血鬼心脏早已不再跳动,但是她感觉到了一股在她死去的心脏里深深涌动的情感。“哦凯特……你真是,太好了。”

一滴眼泪顺着叶琳娜的眼角流了下来,然后叶琳娜发现凯特的脸色变得紧张起来。“叶琳娜!你还好吗?你的眼睛在流血!!!是魔法对你造成了什么影响吗?我——”

叶琳娜迸发出一声大笑,把凯特吓了一跳。“啊,我应该告诉你的。我们的眼泪……是血。”

“哦。”凯特眨眨眼,也笑了。

笑声停下来后,凯特试探性地握住了叶琳娜的手。叶琳娜没有反抗。

“那么,你愿意告诉我这几天你都去干什么了吗?”

所以叶琳娜告诉了凯特一切。因为她怎么能看着凯特的那双眼睛说不呢?

叶琳娜解释了她是怎么发现那个女巫会和金并以及习的关系,然后她怎么解决了那个半吊子巫师,最后追杀邪教领袖的的故事。显然,那个邪教领袖除了魔法控制的吸血鬼大军,袖子里还有一点把戏。叶琳娜最终设法扭断了他的脖子,但他用魔法严重伤害了叶琳娜。叶琳娜用最快的速度离开了,以摆脱任何可能的援军。她努力回到自己的房子里,避免了在露天晕倒过去。要不然,她可能会被升起的太阳烧成灰烬。

“我一直喊他的全名,然后他就气坏了,到处疯狂发射魔法。因为显然,已经很久没有人敢直呼他的大名了。他气得要命,失了准头,最终让我抓到机会绕到他身后扭断了他脖子。你该看看他的表情。他死前满脑子都是有人竟敢直呼他的名字!”叶琳娜笑着说。

凯特也笑了起来。很难想象现在还有人这么在乎名讳。“那他的手下怎么称呼他啊,‘我的陛下’?”

“差不多这样的吧,我猜。这些独裁者都一个样。太把自己当回事了。”叶琳娜漫不经心地说。

“这样的话,我很高兴你杀了他。而且没有死掉。如果你死了,我会很伤心的。”凯特看着叶琳娜的眼睛,温柔地低声说。

叶琳娜狠狠吞咽了一下。她不知道什么时候她们靠得这么近。她看着凯特的蓝眼睛,里面是毫无疑问的爱意,混合着欲望。她和凯特睡过足够多次,认得出凯特的渴望。叶琳娜看向凯特的嘴唇,无意识地舔了舔自己嘴唇。她们从不在凯特发情期之外做爱。她们也从来不在卧室以外谈论她们的安排。叶琳娜的眼神再次对上凯特的,她自己的欲望反映在凯特的眼睛里。

叶琳娜知道凯特不会做任何事情。凯特太有礼貌太甜美了,即使是在她荷尔蒙驱使的发情期她也总是听从叶琳娜的;她不会做任何事让叶琳娜感到不适。但问题是,叶琳娜绝望地想要亲吻凯特·毕肖普。而这太真实、太压倒性了。

叶琳娜打断了她们之间的眼神交流。

“我……快要日出了。在睡觉前我需要洗个澡。”叶琳娜局促地说,站起身来。

“好吧。”凯特没有移开她凝视叶琳娜的视线。

叶琳娜消失在浴室门后,凯特看了看时间。还有三个小时才日出。


叶琳娜把水温调到最低,在大量的冷水下放空自己。

她想要凯特,真的。她想要凯特进来,但她内心的一部分非常害怕,比她承认的更加害怕。她害怕自己最终会伤害凯特,更不要说她是不死者,而凯特不是。

还有那个梦。叶琳娜不确定那是一个梦,还是她潜意识在对她窃窃私语。但她记得梦里娜塔莎关心的眼神。她知道娜塔莎是对的。她知道那也是现实中娜塔莎会给她的建议,她也毫不怀疑现实中的娜塔莎已经知道凯特的存在了,正等着她提出来,然后她会嘲笑叶琳娜的多愁善感并说些类似“你忍心看那只小狗伤心吗”的话。

“你只要开口去问就行了,”娜塔莎的话语回荡在叶琳娜的脑海里。

不知道过了多久,叶琳娜听见门开了的声音。是凯特。

凯特仍然穿着满是血污的衣服,她懒洋洋地告诉叶琳娜,“你在浴室里呆的时间太长了。我想洗澡,我全身脏兮兮、黏糊糊的。可以和你一起洗澡吗?”

当凯特露出那样的神情时她基本上就是一只乞食的金毛寻回犬,而叶琳娜又怎么能拒绝她最喜欢的狼崽呢?她只是一个普通的吸血鬼女孩。

叶琳娜叹了口气,她把水温调到合适凡人的温度,示意凯特进来。

凯特非常开心地脱掉了她的脏衣服。她确保在脱衣服的时候有好好展示她的腹肌。

她们对彼此的裸体都不陌生,但叶琳娜还是不由自主地盯着凯特看。凯特漂亮得惊人。而她也很清楚叶琳娜在看,她朝叶琳娜露出一个理解的坏笑。叶琳娜翻了个白眼,给凯特让出一个位置。

一开始,只是非常纯洁的分享淋浴。她们身上的血污被水流和沐浴露冲走,把地板染成了红色。

叶琳娜失去了记录,不知道是谁发起的亲吻,她们在淋浴头下相拥亲吻,不同于之前的任何充满激情、荷尔蒙驱使的亲吻,而是更加甜蜜、更加温柔。

“凯特·毕肖普,”叶琳娜在接吻中柔和地轻叹。

“我有一个问题,”凯特抵着叶琳娜的嘴唇,小声说。

“总是有这么多问题,”叶琳娜的喉咙深处发出一声轻笑。

“我尝起来是什么味道?”凯特好奇地问。

叶琳娜再一次亲吻了凯特,这一次更加饥饿。她沿着凯特的下巴和脖颈继续向下播撒亲吻,重点亲吻她自己曾经咬过的地方,一边在亲吻中说,“你尝起来像纯伏特加。强烈(strong),浓郁(aggressive),复杂(complex),凝练(concentrated),是我尝过最美味的,”

凯特脸红了,在叶琳娜娴熟的亲吻下轻轻呻吟。“我不知道我这么美味,”

“我会让你知道你有多美味,”叶琳娜承诺,吻过凯特的腹肌,让凯特靠在冰冷的瓷砖上,跪在地板上给她口交。

叶琳娜想要崇拜凯特。她用她的舌头和嘴巴虔诚地和凯特做爱,她要让凯特感觉到天堂。

成为吸血鬼的一个好处就是她不需要呼吸。叶琳娜让凯特来了三次才站起来,她仰起头和凯特接吻。

“你尝起来很好,不是吗,”叶琳娜退开一点,看着凯特低声说。

凯特呻吟着把叶琳娜拉进另一个热烈的吻里。

“让我照顾你,”凯特充满激情地说。

“我很害怕,”叶琳娜说,微微颤栗。她忽然感觉非常脆弱,这和她刚让凯特高潮了三次或者温度或者和凯特一起赤身裸体都无关。

凯特换了个姿势,从身后搂住叶琳娜,在她的脖颈和肩膀上留下一串串温柔的吻。“我知道,”

凯特有力的拥抱禁足了叶琳娜,让她本该不再跳动的吸血鬼心脏变得温暖起来。她转过头,伸出手拉下凯特的脸亲吻。

“和我一起对付瓦伦蒂娜,”叶琳娜突然说,“她有一大群狼人手下,我也需要一个自己的狼人联盟,”

叶琳娜能感觉到而不是看到凯特得意的笑容。“就怕你不问呢。”

“你知道,我们从来没有在浴室做过爱,”凯特兴致勃勃地说,“而我们在你房子的其他地方的每一个平面都做过爱。离日出还有一段时间。我们应该充分利用这段时间。”

“你的话太多了,凯特·毕肖普,”叶琳娜坏笑起来。“把它用在正事上吧,行吗?”

凯特眼里闪烁着挑衅的目光。“接受挑战。”

分类
Bishova 英文 femslash 原创 同人文 个人存档

【Bishova】The First Taste(7)

Notes:

I wrote this chapter to avoid academic writing.

Yelena wakes up to find the sky is covered with clouds. Vampires have keen senses and are better at predicting the weather than the weather forecast. Kate doesn’t like rainy days either, since the werewolf clearly doesn’t like getting her fur wet. Therefore, Yelena decides to go to the bar and tells her that there’s no practice today. Yelena doesn’t trust electronic devices, and she never uses them unless a mission requires them. Besides, nothing pisses the werewolf off more than Yelena showing up and sneaking off whenever she wants, so why not?

Half an hour later, she decides that she has done teasing Kate Bishop, then she disappeared with satisfaction (“Why’d you have to disappear on me?” Kate shouts behind her, and Yelena yells back, “Come and get me if you’re fast enough, Kate Bishop.” knowing that Kate’s werewolf hearing can absolutely hear her).

Yelena quietly returns to her house and decides to start reading. There is nothing more pleasant than reading on a rainy day. She watched a show called Dickinson with Natasha a while back, and she was fascinated by this poet, Emily Dickinson. She finds herself in love with this girl who was so determined to be a poet, and sometimes quite dramatic. She’s reading Emily Dickinson’s letter to Susan Gilbert and thinking of a particular werewolf in her life.

Her reading is interrupted by a knock on the door. Yelena is on high alert when she hears the knock.

This house is not just Yelena’s safe house. It is the closest thing she has found to the old house in Ohio, that she considers her semi-permanent home, a place that no one but Natasha knows. The neighbors all are unenthusiastic citizens whom she has carefully chosen. Uninvited guests mean trouble.

Yelena put down her book and picks up her pistol hidden under the table. She checks the magazine quickly, the wooden-core silver bullets, and quietly approaches the door.

To her surprise, it’s Kate Bishop.

Yelena rolls her eyes and opens her heavy safe door to reveal the disheveled, somewhat wet werewolf. “Kate Bishop, I didn’t think you’d take me seriously when I said come and get me.”

It takes Yelena half a second to realize that Kate is different. Her scent is so strong, with a special kind of flavor, and she smells even more delicious than usual. Kate’s pupils are dilated and agitated.

“You smell different,” she says, measuring Kate.

“I’m in heat, Yelena,” Kate says, shifting her weight uncomfortably, pouting. “Are you gonna let me in or not?”

Yelena looks a bit surprised, but then she gives her a smirk. “You didn’t mention this in your Werewolf Culture 101, wolfie.”

”I’m telling you now,” Kate whines.

Yelena pulls the door open and gestures for Kate to come in. She guides Kate to the sofa in the living room and pours Kate a glass of water (tap water, of course, since she has never hosted a human guest in her home before).

When she returns to the living room, she sees Kate squirming anxiously on the sofa.

She releases a strong shot of pheromones into the air and hands the water to Kate. “There. Better?”

Kate’s blushing. She gulps down the water and says, “Thanks. I mean, your pheromones. They really help.”

“Anyway, how’d you find me?” Yelena is genuinely curious. She takes this house very seriously. She never takes the same route home or comes straight home.

“I followed your scent. I almost lost you a few times, you’re really good at covering your tracks,” Kate says, her face reddens even more, but then she gets so cocky, preening herself. “But we’re the best trackers, I’ve told you.”

This is actually pretty impressive. Yelena is so good at getting rid of trackers that she didn’t even think of the idea of someone could track her. Kate Bishop is truly a one-of-a-kind being.

Yelena smiles again. “So why’d you come to me? Don’t you have your werewolf friends? Or lovers? How did you deal with it before?”

Kate’s werewolf friends have their own packmates these days. And she certainly doesn’t want to go to her exes. Exes are exes for a reason. She doesn’t want to go through her heat alone either, because it’s sad and pathetic.

“I just want you, okay?” Kate almost yells, flushing. “And I like your pheromones. They make me feel calm,” Kate adds sheepishly.

Okay. Yelena is amused by Kate. After being freed, she has had very negative feelings about vampire pheromones. She has manipulated so many people with her vampire pheromones that she never wanted anyone to be involuntarily influenced by supernatural elements like she was. Maybe she’s not entirely right about pheromones.

“All right,” Yelena moves closer to Kate and looks at Kate with her hands props on the arm of the sofa where Kate is sitting. “Just one condition: no shifting in bed.”

Kate’s eyes drift to Yelena’s lips before nodding.

“I thought you like it when I’m in wolf form,” Kate says, half-joking, then her eyes drift to Yelena’s lips again.

Of course Yelena notices Kate’s gaze and gave her a big bad smirk. “Maybe I just like it when you talk so much,”

Kate makes an audible choking sound.

“Not so chatty now, is it?” The vampire side of Yelena can’t resist teasing the blushing werewolf, but before she can come up with another more teasing comment, Kate basically jumps her.

The thing is, Yelena is a vampire. A very talented one. She has no problem with the werewolf jumping on her. She holds herself with ease and responds to the werewolf’s rough kiss without thinking.

Kate kisses her desperately and tears Yelena’s clothes with her hands. Yelena’s grip on Kate tightens, causing her to let out a shuddering moan as they kiss. Yelena swallows Kate’s moan and presses Kate against the wall. She rips off Kate’s clothes and wanders down her body with her hands, releasing another wave of pheromones at the same time.

“You good, Kate?” Yelena breaks the kiss to check on Kate. She’s still not sure how the pheromones affect the werewolf, although she thinks Kate’s scent in heat has a similar effect on her. She smells so delicious.

Kate is able to focus on Yelena’s intoxicating pheromones, rather than feeling the pain of the heat. It’s the single “Kate” that ignites her, and she whimpers, “Fuck me, Yelena.”

Yelena obeys.

She has seen Kate naked dozens of times, but it doesn’t stop her from gasping at the werewolf’s beautiful body as if she sees her naked for the first time. She worships the werewolf’s body with her mouth and hands and takes off Kate’s pants.

“You’re so wet for me, wolfie,” Yelena teases, touching Kate’s wet folds with her middle finger.

Kate whines. “Yelena, please…”

Yelena doesn’t let her finish. She presses her thumb against Kate’s aching clit, effectively cutting off whatever Kate wants to say. Satisfied with her achievement,  she leaves a wet kiss on Kate’s skin, her fingers sliding through the wetness and lazily playing with Kate’s clit.

Kate moans loudly, legs weak. She doesn’t fall only because Yelena pins her against the wall. On the other hand, Yelena can not only feel, but also smell Kate’s orgasm building up.

Kate lets out her most obscene groan as she melts into a useless puddle under Yelena’s fingers. Yelena feels Kate’s orgasm brushes her senses, and knowing it well that her fangs can’t help but inch out.

She kisses Kate carefully, and determines not to accidentally bite the werewolf. The last thing she needs is a delicious werewolf in heat bleeding in a house full of her own pheromones, or she’ll absolutely lose her mind.

Kate apparently notices her fangs, at some point she licks her fangs playfully, and Yelena almost loses control.

“You okay with them?” Asks Yelena.

Kate stared at her swollen lips and sharp fangs in awe for a moment. “They’re so hot,” she says, pulling Yelena back into a kiss.

Yelena almost pushes the werewolf into the wall. The wall creaks ominously as the two of them get it on, and Kate smiles between kisses, “Do you have a bed, or do you just sleep in a coffin?”

Yelena rolls her eyes. “I’m a vampire, but I’m not that old,”

She carries Kate (Kate’s long legs wrap themselves around her waist) and enters her bedroom while kissing. They stumble and fall into the bed. Yelena looks down at the panting werewolf with desire beneath her, her vampire instincts spike like never before. She pins Kate to the mattress and kisses her, leaving marks on her neck, sliding her tongue over her breasts, teeth carefully nibbling at the top of her thighs, and finally fucking Kate with her tongue. Kate cries out in extreme pleasure, she cums fast and hard, and this stimulates Yelena to release a new wave of pheromones once again.

Kate is drifting happily in the intense pheromones of Yelena. It’s a miracle that she finds the strength to pull Yelena up into a kiss. Kate murmurs between kisses.

“Please keep fucking me, Yelena,” Kate giggled as her eyes dark and hungry. “And you can bite me if that’s what you want.”

“Mmmm,” is the only thing Yelena says.

Kate shudders when Yelena presses kisses behind her ear. Then she leaves wet marks on Kate’s neck with her tongue, and her hands trace Kate’s body, leaving red marks on her breasts, abs and ass. With Yelena’s leg slots between her legs, Kate lets out a groan of frustration.

“I’m going to use my fingers, okay?” Yelena says against Kate’s neck.

Kate blinks between the frustration of the unfulfilled desire and the euphoria of pheromones, and Yelena could feel, rather than see her eager nodding.

Yelena uses her fingers to tease Kate’s entrance, and Kate lets out another groan. “Fuck me, Yelena. Hard and fast,”

“So demanding,” Yelena teases, but does so anyway.

Yelena slides her fingers into Kate and bites Kate’s neck at the same time. She knows that it will leave a mark tomorrow, but she resists the urge to bite through her skin, even though Kate’s powerful pulses desperately urge her to do so.

Kate shivers under Yelena’s skillful fingers.

“Fuck,” Kate gasps, voice cracking. Her eyes are now gold and wild. Yelena looks into Kate’s golden eyes deeply and was amazed by how wild the werewolf is for her. She moans and speeds up.

Yelena curls her fingers and Kate breaks under her. She bites on Kate’s collarbone and feels Kate’s orgasm sweep over her. Yelena herself cums as well, drawn by her vampire instincts. She gives off the most powerful burst of pheromones so far, rolling off Kate, trying not to think about how good Kate Bishop smells after an orgasm, covered in her very own pheromones.

“Wow,” Kate grins drunkenly, making Yelena look at her. “What is that, a vampire orgasm?”

Yelena rolls her eyes. “Apparently, mixing up our pheromones would have such an effect. Did you know werewolf pheromones smell delicious?”

“For you, maybe, but I’ve never heard a werewolf would say that,” Kate says with a smirk.

Then Kate flips over and straddles Yelena, she looks down at the vampire on the bed with a mischievous smile. “I’m still horny. Do you need a break, Yelena?”

Yelena huffs. “It’s a good thing vampires never get tired, isn’t it?”

She switches their positions easily.


They fuck until the end of the night.

Kate’s desire is kinda satisfied (Yelena finds her very insatiable), and Yelena feels the sun coming up. Kate lays on top of her and somehow surrounds her, snuggling up to her like a puppy. If it’s anyone else, Yelena would feel disgusted and kick them out of the bed, but Kate Bishop… she’s like a harmless golden retriever, so Yelena allows it.

“The sun will rise in a few minutes,” says Yelena, “I need to sleep. Feel free to use the bathroom or leave, you can’t actually wake me up. But don’t try to make me up before sunset. Never wake a vampire before sunset unless you have a death wish.”

Hesitating for a moment, the vampire adds, “You can sleep here, too.”

Kate’s eyes light up. She’s practically wagging her tail. “Yelena, are you saying that we can sleep together?”

Yelena rolls her eyes and snorts. “It’s just been a long night. I’m not sure you’ll be able to walk home.”

Kate grins so hard but doesn’t talk back. They both know Kate is a werewolf and werewolves have great stamina. Instead, she just says, “Can I ask you a question, Yelena?”

Yelena sighs softly. Kate Bishop always has so many questions. But she’s in a good mood, maybe because she just spent a whole night fucking a werewolf into her mattress, Yelena finds herself doesn’t really mind. “And what’s that?”

“Why didn’t you bite me?” Kate asks curiously.

“You’re in heat,” she says lazily, raising an eyebrow at Kate, “you’ll say anything for pleasure. And my pheromones are all over you. You are high as a kite. I’m not going to take advantage of you at a time like this.”

Kate’s blushing.

“That’s very sweet of you,” Kate murmurs.

“I told you I don’t take advantage of people, Kate Bishop, and I meant it,” Yelena says, but there are no bites in her voice.

“Idowanttotasteyourbloodtho,” Yelena mumbles, then succumbs to the power of the rising sun.

Kate doesn’t catch that. All she can think about is how much temptation Yelena has to overcome just to defy her vampire instincts.

When she realizes that the vampire has fallen asleep, she can’t help but shows a silly smile as she looks at the vampire’s calm, non-threatening face.

Kate decides that the cold skin of the vampire is so comfortable for her overheated skin. She passes out against Yelena.


Kate wakes up before Yelena does (duh). She finds Yelena in the same position as before, though Kate had wrapped herself around Yelena like an octopus.

Kate quietly gets off her and allows herself to stare at the vampire in her sleep for a moment. She looks like she’s asleep peacefully, although Kate knows that the vampire isn’t breathing and has no heartbeat. Whatever marks Kate has left on her are gone, and she looks gorgeous. Kate looks away before it feels like intruding. She needs to take a shower. She smells like a vampire in heat. Do immortals have heat? Anyways Kate smells like Yelena, and she can’t go to work like that. She takes a look at the clock beside Yelena’s bed. It was two o’clock in the afternoon.

Kate comes out of the bathroom and steals one of Yelena’s T-shirts because hers has been torn to pieces by the said vampire. Before she leaves, she sees Yelena’s book on the coffee table. Open Me Carefully. “Emily Dickinson,” Kate says to herself, smiling. “That’s gay.”

Kate’s eyes sweeps across the living room and saw a stuffed dog on a smaller table. She laughs and comes up with an idea.


Yelena wakes up precisely after sunset. Kate has left, but a sand-colored puppy doll is put on where she has slept. Yelena remembers stealing this stuffed puppy doll because it reminded her of a stray dog that she liked very much.

Yelena rolls her eyes fondly at Kate’s behavior and gets ready for a long shower. She smells like a werewolf in heat.

She feeds before going to see Kate. After last night, she’s not sure she can control herself from jumping on Kate Bishop and ripping her throat out (minus the violence, but the bloodlust is very real) .

She walks into the bar and sneaks up behind Kate.

“Kate Bishop,” Yelena trails off. “It’s good to see you here. I thought you’d turned into a puppy.”

“Yelena,” Kate smiled, turning around, which gives Yelena a glimpse of her neck. And her shirt, too, which obviously is Yelena’s because it’s a little bit tight for Kate. Kate doesn’t even try to hide those hickeys.

Yelena’s vampire instincts roar, screaming “She’s mine” behind her head. She swallows hard. If a vampire claims that a mortal is “theirs”, it means that only they can feed from that mortal, the mortal is off limits to other vampires. Although Yelena had no intention of owning anyone, in fact, she resents this vampire culture deeply, plus, Kate belongs to anyone, and technically they just had sex, but Yelena still loses it by the way Kate does not bother to hide those hickeys.

Kate notices Yelena’s gaze and her wolf-like smile widens.

“I told you, werewolves don’t care,” Kate says smugly.

Yelena swallows. She thinks can even smell her own pheromones lingering on Kate’s skin. What has this Kate Bishop done to her? But she’s Yelena, so she quickly calms herself and throws a question at Kate that catches her off guard:

“I can help with your monthly heat.”

This time it’s Kate’s turn to lose her balance. Her eyes widen and she can’t speak for a moment.

“You sure?” Kate finally manages to speak after a few heartbeats. Her face turns red and her eyes light up as she looks at her expectantly.

Yelena is amused by Kate’s reaction and rolls her eyes good-naturedly. She thinks she can totally imagine Kate wagging her tail. “I offered, didn’t I?”

Kate smiles happily, then leans into Yelena’s space and says, “As long as you let me return the favor.”

Well, a vampire can play this game. Although Yelena does not know where this will take them, she still nods in agreement. “You’re cute, wolfie. I just don’t know if you have the energy to return the favor after me fucking you all night.”

The werewolf cocks her head arrogantly. “You and I both know that werewolves have super stamina.”

Yelena gives her a knowing smirk. “Then we have a deal, wolfie.”

Kate tries not to get too cocky (she fails, of course).

Notes:

Def need a Dickinson reference!!!
The stuffed animal is a Bloomington reference.
Yelena still didn’t feed on Kate yet, but soon she will.

分类
Bishova 英文 femslash 原创 双飞组 个人存档

【Bishova】The First Taste(6)

Before Kate realizes it, she and Yelena become… friends?

Every night they meet in the forest. Yelena teaches her how to deal with vampires and other hostile supernatural creatures. When fighting with Yelena, Kate manages to get out of Yelena’s grip by shifting into her human form, which makes Yelena pretty impressed. It stops working as Yelena notices that Kate shivers very slightly when she shifts, and she warns Kate not to rely on it to avoid being caught by experienced vampires. Kate pouts for a while, but Yelena admits it could be a good tactical advantage (“Huh! I knew it! It’s a good one,” Kate says proudly, and Yelena rolls her eyes).

They meet, they fight, they run in the forest, and they talk in between those things. Yelena asks Kate what it’s like to have a tail. Kate says she thinks her tail never listens to her. Kate braces herself to ask what Yelena had done to her after they left the werewolf bar, and Yelena does explain to her about the pheromones. Kate can’t help but wince over the alternative use of pheromones (not because she was afraid of what Yelena might do to her) and says, “Thank God I’m attracted to you, I don’t know what I would have done otherwise (though it’s dark in the forest, she’s sure that Yelena’s vampire eyes have seen her redden ears). Yelena tells Kate about other supernatural creatures she had met all over the world, and Kate is fascinated by her for knowing so much. Not“She’s a vampire villain, and I have to stop her evil plan against humans” kind of obsession, but a softer, more sincere, non-invasive kind of obsession. When she’s sparing with Yelena, she looks at Yelena’s fangs and fierce eyes, fascinated, and no longer feels instinctively disgusted. After all, she is just another supernatural creature, just like her. Besides, a lot of people would say werewolves are horrifying.

Ever since they meet in the forest, Yelena has stopped taking humans to the bar where Kate works. Kate likes to think that they’re past the hostile phase, though Yelena doesn’t stop visiting Kate at all. No, she just comes by and orders an overpriced drink she never drinks, keep enjoying getting under Kate’s skin, but there’s a lot less aggression in her tone.

For Yelena, her feeding sessions return to pure business. She pays humans, humans supply her. The thought that the mortal she’s feeding on is not Kate bishop makes Yelena feel unappetizing to eat. Kate’s scent fills her nostrils as they fight. She wonders what Kate Bishop would taste like and if she is as delicious as she smells.

They never talk about Yelena’s feedings. Yelena never says, Kate never asks (though Kate is certainly curious).

Two weeks after practicing, Kate improves significantly. Though the vampire gently mocked Kate’s abilities, Kate is a werewolf. Werewolves are natural hunters, and it’s easy for Yelena to notice the difference between Wolf Kate and Human Kate. In her human form, Kate is a literal sweet golden retriever puppy, she’s brave and determined, but the Wolf Kate is more… primitive, though she is still the sweet Kate Yelena knows, the wolf was fiercer and wilder. However, Kate manages to maintain the essence of the exercise without actually biting Yelena once. Looking into Kate’s golden eyes in her wolf form, Yelena finds herself drawn to Kate’s duality.

One night, they fight together, as usual, the werewolf put the vampire down on the ground, so that the vampire can not move. The werewolf is more skillful now, the huge paws step on Yelena’s pressure points, making her hard to counter her. Yelena grunts under the werewolf and throws her off with brute force.

Yelena overdoes a little. The werewolf is thrown into a tree.

“Oh, shit. Kate Bishop, are you okay?” Yelena stands up with her vampire speed and simultaneously appears next to Kate.

Kate, already in her human form, groans and touches her back. Both of them suddenly freeze.

She must have scraped it when she crushed into the tree, and Kate sees red on her hand.

Yelena feels her fangs growing longer.

Kate, obviously aware of this, looks up at her.

Yelena exhales deeply and keeps calm. “Are you all right, Kate Bishop?”

“I’m fine, it’s just a scratch,” Kate says, standing up and staring at Yelena.

She accepts Yelena’s hand. Kate isn’t scared, but she does worry that Yelena would lose control or something like that.

“Let me see,” says Yelena.

Kate is still a little sore, and she stands still, checking her bleeding side. Does either of them bring any medical supplies? Kate doesn’t anyway. She also doesn’t think that Yelena, a pocket enthusiast, would carry medical supplies for mortals, even though she carries tons of weapons when she is even in civilian clothes.

Yelena rolls her eyes. “I don’t bite. Well, at least I’m not going to bite you. Not today anyway.”

Looks Like they are going to call it a day. “What, are you going to… bite me the other day?” Kate jokes as she’s sure there are no broken bones or internal injuries.

Yelena rolls her eyes again and does not condescend to answer Kate.

“Let me see,” she asks again.

Kate obeys. She turns around so the vampire can see the wounds on her lower back.

Yelena is actually shocked by the fact that Kate has exposed her bleeding back to her without any resistance.

She doesn’t know whether to be upset that Kate trusts a vampire so much, or be glad that Kate trusts her. She smiles wryly, but soon turns her attention to the wounds she caused.

Once she has cleaned the wounds to make sure they are actually that bad, she bites her finger and applies her own blood to the area where Kate has been injured.

Kate shudders at Yelena’s touch. Yelena holds her breath and watches the broken skin heal.

The last cut was healed by Yelena’s blood and she lets out a sigh of relief. Damn, Kate Bishop smells really good.

“What is that? Do you have magical fingers? It’s that another vampire power?” Kate, realizing that wounds have healed, turns around and jokes.

“It’s my blood,” Yelena explains. “I don’t know if you remember, but vampire blood has amazing effects. Apparently, it can also heal wounds.”

“Wow,” Kate says in surprise. She must have slept through her vampire culture class. “Can it cure cancer? It’s hard to imagine it’s not a big hit…”

At some point, Kate realizes that Yelena is not responding.

“Are you okay?” Kate asks.

Yelena snaps out of it and looks at Kate suspiciously. “I threw you into a tree, and you’re asking me if I’m okay?”

“But they’re completely healed now!” Kate twists her hip happily, as if she’s wagging an invisible tail.

Yelena raises an eyebrow and looks at Kate, amused. Kate suddenly realizes that she’s not in her wolf form, but in her human form. OH DEAR LORD, Yelena definitely sees her trying to wag her tail.

“Anyway,” Kate said, changing the subject real quick to avoid mocking, “When you’re upset you doing this thing every time-”

“I do what?” Yelena suddenly becomes very defensive.

”- more like doing nothing. Not doing anything. You’re just, like, totally still. Like a statue. I don’t know if it’s some kind of vampire power, but I’ve never seen mortals can stay still like that…” Kate gushes.

With a half-smirk, Yelena picks up Kate’s clothes and throws them into Kate’s face. “Kate Bishop, just because you can’t stay perfectly still doesn’t mean other mortals can’t do it.”

“Hey!” Kate exclaims, offended. “I’m sorry, I CAN stay perfectly still! It’s not my fault my tail accidentally sweeps something else!”

Yelena was teaching Kate how to be stealthy to avoid being discovered by vampires the other day when Kate’s performance was not quite meet up to Yelena’s standards, but in her defense, wolves have always been trackers, they are not stealthy hunters like cats.

“Last time I checked, your tail was still very attached to you. There wasn’t a living tail dancing here, right? You’re so bad at being stealthy,” Yelena teases gently, pretty amused by the werewolf.

“Whatever,” Kate said, waving her off. “Werewolves are impulsive creatures, which makes us better hunters. We’re the best trackers. We don’t do stealth.”

Yelena rolls her eyes. “One day you’ll need to lay low. You don’t want to mess it up, do you?”

“I’m improving!!” Kate whines.

Yelena laughs. “No, you’re not.”

Seeing Kate pouting, Yelena laughs even harder.

The laughter dies down and Kate decides to try again.

“Do you want to… talk about It?” Kate says softly, carefully moving to her side.

Watching Kate approach slowly and carefully, Yelena is awed by Kate’s golden retriever type of friendliness and curiosity. She has never met anyone like Kate Bishop.

Vampires – especially widows – live a life of blood and violence. They are literally born from death. Vampires who live in groups are even more violent. And humans are no better. Even humans do have beating hearts, they are just as cruel, if not worse. She has met so many creatures, and hunted more, but she has never met anyone who is this sincere and willing to get close to her. Apart from Natasha and her parents, she has never run into someone who cares about her. But their concern always annoyed her. Most of the people she met wanted to kill her. Well, to be fair, she did kill most of the people she met, but the point still stands.

But the same thing can be applied to her. Now here she is, befriending a werewolf, caring about her, teaching her how to deal with her own kind.

Yelena sighs and lays down on the grass.

Kate lays down as Yelena does.

At first, none of them speak, and they look at the forest above them in comfortable silence.

“There was a girl, she was only 19 when she was turned. She was sold to a drug dealer. That dealer specializes in selling our blood. Although vampires are naturally strong and difficult to catch alive, once trapped by silver, we are just as vulnerable as humans. She became that man’s money-making machine, silvered. He only fed her once a week. Sometimes only fed her once in two weeks. But made her keep supplying,” says Yelena suddenly, after a long silence.

“That’s so fucked up,” Kate whispers.

“That drug dealer obviously was very proud of owning a vampire. He decided his clients can drink blood directly from her as long as they paid enough. didn’t care how his asshole clients hurt her with silver.”

Kate was horrified by the cruelty of the human race. “Fuck,” is all she can say.

“Apparently humans have a sick obsession with immortals, even though they hate vampires,” Yelena says in disgust. “They cut her with silver just to enjoy watching her heal.”

Kate’s stomach is twisting uncomfortably. Waves of anger flares up from the bottom of her heart. She wants to hurt him badly. She wants someone to punish that man.

“When I found her, she had fainted. I removed silver chains,” Yelena gritting her teeth as she continues her storytelling. “But I had to make her drink my blood to wake her up.”

“Did you kill the drug dealer?” Kate asks softly, turning her face to look at Yelena.

Yelena refuses to respond to Kate’s gaze, only shaking her head slightly. “That’s not my place. I gave that dealer to the girl, Alex. It was her revenge. She drained all of the dealer’s men dry in front of him, kept the dealer as a blood bag ever since, and hunted down every man who ever tortured her.”

Kate squirmed uncomfortably. It’s cruel and bloody, but after all she had been through, Kate feels she had no right to call her cruel. What’s more, Kate now knows that an eye for an eye is a vampire culture. Besides, who is she to judge vampires for being cruel when one of the wolves must die during the challenges of the alpha wolf the alpha must die in her culture.

“And what about you, Kate Bishop?” Yelena asks suddenly, turning her face to look into Kate’s eyes. The green-hazel eyes meet the blues, she looks deeply at Kate without blinking. “If it were you, what would you do?”

“I-I-” Kate stutters. She’s never a fan of cruel traditions, so she never has a pack. Her mother had people murdered and collaborated with the mob, so she chose to turn her mother over to the police. But the police can’t stop Kingpin, and she doesn’t think the human authorities care about vampire rights. Shit, Kate knows that Bill intents to protect vampire rights didn’t pass in many states (unlike other supernatural creatures, vampires are basically dead people, so vampire rights are one of the most controversial topics in America). She hunts vampires and other supernatural creatures to protect humans. She may even have killed a couple of tracksuit guys in Christmas. But, in this case, she really doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t think a bullet to the head would calm her anger.

“I’ll shoot him like a target,” Kate says, “until he’s covered in arrows like a hedgehog.”

Yelena smiled sadly.

“No, Kate Bishop, you won’t,” Yelena says. “That’s not who you are.”

Kate doesn’t know what to say. Yelena loses interest to speak again, the two of them quietly lying on the grass, thinking in each other’s silence.

It takes forever for Yelena to stand up. Kate sits up in surprise and looks at Yelena. “You’re leaving?”

“No,” says Yelena. “Enough of brooding, Kate Bishop. Are you gonna spar with me?”

Kate grins and shifts into her wolf form.

Notes:

Blood incident but they are both totally in control!
They are getting closer!!!

分类
Bishova femslash 原创 同人文 极地冷CP

【Bishova】初尝滋味(6)

在凯特反应过来之前,她和叶琳娜就成了……朋友?

每天晚上她们都在无人的森林里见面,叶琳娜教她怎么对付吸血鬼乃至其他有敌意的超自然生物,和叶琳娜打架的时候,凯特通过在被叶琳娜压制住时变回人形成功摆脱了叶琳娜的控制,这让叶琳娜印象深刻。不过几次后这招就不管用了,因为叶琳娜发现凯特会在变形的时候轻微颤抖,叶琳娜警告凯特不要太依赖这种小聪明以免被有经验的吸血鬼抓住。凯特为此闷闷不乐了一会儿,不过叶琳娜承认这招是很好的战术优势(“哈!我就知道!这是很好的技巧!”凯特骄傲地说,而叶琳娜翻了个白眼)。

她们见面,打架,在森林里奔跑,在休息的时候聊天。叶琳娜问凯特有尾巴是一种什么样的体验,凯特说她认为她的尾巴从来不听她的话。凯特鼓起勇气问狼人酒吧那次叶琳娜对她做了什么,叶琳娜确实告诉她了信息素的事情,凯特忍不住为信息素的另一个用途而打了个寒战(并不是因为她害怕叶琳娜会这么对她),说,幸好我被你吸引了,要不然我真不知道我会做出什么(尽管森林里光线昏暗,但她确定叶琳娜的吸血鬼眼睛肯定看到了她通红的耳朵)。叶琳娜给凯特讲她在世界各地见到的其他超自然生物,她是如此见识多广,凯特情不自禁地被她迷住了。不是“她是一个邪恶的吸血鬼反派,我必须要阻止她谋害人类的阴谋”那种着迷,而是一种更加柔和更加真诚的、非侵入性的着迷。当她在和叶琳娜练习打架的时候,她着迷地看着叶琳娜伸展的尖牙,猛兽般凶狠的眼睛和流畅的动作,不再感到本能地厌恶,毕竟,她只是另一个超自然生物,就像她自己一样。再说了,很多人会说狼人很可怕。

自从她们在森林见面以来,叶琳娜不再带着人类去凯特工作的酒吧了。凯特喜欢认为她们已经过了敌对阶段了,尽管叶琳娜一点也没有减少出现在酒吧的频率,哦不,她只是点一杯价格过高却从不饮用的酒精,并继续享受挑衅凯特这一行为,但她的语气中少了许多攻击性。

对叶琳娜来说,她的日常进食活动退回了单纯的生意,她付钱给人类,人类给她提供鲜血。一想到尖牙下的凡人不是凯特·毕肖普,叶琳娜就觉得食之无味。当她和凯特打架把她按倒在地上的时候,凯特的气味充盈着她的鼻腔。她好奇凯特·毕肖普尝起来会是什么味道,她是否和她闻起来一样美味。

她们从来不谈论叶琳娜的“饮食安排”。叶琳娜不说,凯特也从来不问(尽管凯特确实好奇)。

在她们开始练习两周后,凯特的能力有了明显的提升。尽管吸血鬼温和地嘲笑过凯特的技能,但凯特是一个狼人。狼人是天生的猎手,叶琳娜很容易就注意到了狼形凯特和人形凯特的不同。人类形态下的凯特是甜美的金毛寻回犬,勇敢、坚定,但狼形的凯特更加……原始,尽管她仍然是那个甜美的凯特,但那头狼却更加凶猛、更加狂野,虽然凯特仍设法保持了练习的本质,一次都没有真正咬伤叶琳娜。叶琳娜望进狼人形态下凯特金色的眼睛里,发现她不由自主地被凯特的两面性给吸引了。

这天晚上,她们照例打作一团,狼人把吸血鬼扑倒在地,让吸血鬼动弹不得。狼人的技术愈发地娴熟,巨大的爪子踩在叶琳娜的压力点上,让她难以反抗。叶琳娜在狼人身下哼了一声,用纯粹的蛮力把狼人甩开了。

没控制好力度,狼人被甩得撞在了附近的一棵树上。

“哦,见鬼。凯特·毕肖普,你没事吧?”叶琳娜用吸血鬼速度站了起来,几乎瞬间出现在了凯特的身边。

已经变回人形的凯特呻吟一声,摸了摸腰侧。两个人都突然愣住了。

肯定是撞到树上的时候擦伤了,凯特的手上闪耀着红色。

叶琳娜感觉自己的尖牙伸展得更长了。

凯特显然也意识到了这一点,抬头看向她。

叶琳娜深深吸了一口气,保持平静。“你还好吗,凯特·毕肖普?”

“我没事,只是一些擦伤。”凯特说,一边站起来,一边继续盯着叶琳娜看。

她接受了叶琳娜伸出来的手。凯特没有在害怕,但她确实担心叶琳娜会失控或者什么的。

“让我看看。”叶琳娜说。

凯特还有点酸痛,她检查自己受伤的一侧,站在原地没有动。她们有人带了任何医疗用品吗?反正凯特没有。她也不认为叶琳娜,一个口袋爱好者,虽然在穿着便服的时候也带着大量奇怪数量的武器的人,是会随身携带针对凡人的医疗用品。

叶琳娜翻了个白眼。“我不咬人。好吧,至少不打算咬你。目前来说。”

看样子今天的练习就到现在为止了。“怎么,你想……以后咬我吗?”凯特一旦确认了没有任何骨折和内伤,就开起了玩笑。

叶琳娜又翻了个白眼,没有屈尊回答凯特。

“让我看看。”她再次要求到。

凯特顺从了。她转过身,让吸血鬼看到她后腰上的伤口。

叶琳娜实际上被凯特没有任何反抗就信任把她流着血的后背暴露在她面前的事实震惊了。

她不知道该为凯特如此信任一个吸血鬼感到不高兴还是该为凯特信任她而感到高兴。她微微苦笑了一下,但很快把注意集中在她造成的凯特的伤口上。

一旦她清理完伤口确认了实际上并不是很糟,她就咬破了自己的手指,然后把自己的血涂在凯特受伤的地方。

凯特因为叶琳娜的触摸而颤栗起来。叶琳娜屏住呼吸,看着破损的皮肤愈合如初。

最后一个伤口被叶琳娜的血治愈,叶琳娜松了一口气。该死的,凯特·毕肖普闻起来真不是一般的美味。

“那是什么?你有魔法手指吗?那是你的另一个吸血鬼超能力吗?”意识到伤口已经愈合了的凯特转过身,开玩笑地说。

“我的血。”叶琳娜解释说,“我不知道你是否还记得,吸血鬼的血有神奇的功能。很显然,它也能治愈伤口。”

“哇哦,”凯特有些惊讶,她肯定是在吸血鬼文化课上打盹了。“它能治愈癌症吗?很难想象它不是大热门……”

某一时刻,凯特意识到了叶琳娜没有回应。

“你还好吗?”凯特问。

叶琳娜回过神来,怀疑地看着凯特。“我把你甩到树上了,你却问我好不好?”

“但现在完全愈合了!”凯特得意扬扬地扭了扭身体,好像在甩一条看不见的尾巴。

叶琳娜挑起一边眉看着凯特。凯特突然意识到自己不是狼形,而是人类的形态。哦老天,叶琳娜绝对看到她企图摇尾巴的样子了。

“不管怎么说,”凯特赶紧转移话题以免遭到叶琳娜的嘲笑,“每次你都会在不高兴的时候做那种事情——”

“我会什么?”叶琳娜突然变得非常防御。

“——不如说没有做任何事情。你就是,完全静止了。像个雕塑一样。我不知道是不是什么吸血鬼能力,我从来没见过凡人能那样一动不动……”凯特滔滔不绝地说。

叶琳娜露出半个坏笑,一边把凯特的衣服捡起来丢在凯特脸上。“凯特·毕肖普,不要因为你做不到一动不动就认为其他凡人做不到。”

“嘿!”凯特叫了起来,被冒犯到了。“不好意思,我可以保持完美的静止!我的尾巴碰巧扫到了别的东西又不是我的事!”

叶琳娜在教凯特在吸血鬼面前潜行的时候凯特的表现没有达到叶琳娜的标准,但凯特的辩护是,狼一向是追捕型选手,她们不是猫科动物。

“上一次我检查的时候,你的尾巴还是属于你的。没有一条活蹦乱跳的尾巴在这里跳舞,不是吗?你在潜行方面太差劲儿了。”叶琳娜温和地嘲笑道,被凯特逗乐了。

“随便啦。”凯特摆摆手,“狼人都是冲动的家伙,这让我们成为了更好的猎手。所以我们是最优秀的追踪者。我们不躲藏。”

叶琳娜转了转眼珠子。“总有一天你会需要低调行事的。你总不想笨手笨脚地搞砸了吧?”

“我在改进!!”凯特抱怨道。

叶琳娜大笑起来,“不,你没有。”

看到凯特撅起嘴,叶琳娜笑得更开心了。

叶琳娜笑声渐渐平静下来,于是凯特决定再试一次。

“你想……谈谈吗?”凯特柔和地说,小心翼翼地挪到叶琳娜身边。

叶琳娜看着凯特小心地、慢慢地靠近,被凯特金毛犬般的友好和好奇震撼到了。她从来没有遇到像凯特·毕肖普一样的人。

吸血鬼——尤其是寡妇们的生活充满了血腥和暴力,群居的吸血鬼则更加残暴,而人类也没有好到哪去。即使心脏仍在跳动的人类也一样残忍,甚至更糟。她见过这么多生物,猎杀过更多的生物,但她从来没有遇到一个真诚的、主动想要靠近她的人。除了娜塔莎还有她的父母外,她从未见过有谁在乎过她。但她们的关心总是让她恼火。大部分她遇到的人想要杀了她。好吧,公平来说,她确实杀了大部分她遇到的人,但是观点仍然成立。

不过同样的话也可以用来形容叶琳娜自己。现在,她在这里,和一个狼人成了朋友,她在乎她,教她如何对付自己的种族。

叶琳娜叹了口气。躺在了草地上。

凯特模仿她的动作,也躺了下来。

一开始,她们谁也没说话,她们在舒适的寂静中看着头顶上的森林。

“有一个女孩,她被转变的时候才19岁。然后她被卖给了毒贩子。这个毒贩子专门卖我们的血。虽然吸血鬼天生强壮,很难被人类抓到,但一旦被银制品困住了,我们就和普通人类一样脆弱。她被困在银锁链里,成了那个人的造钱机器。那女孩一周有时候两周才能进食一次,但一直给那个人提供源源不断的吸血鬼血液。”叶琳娜在长长的沉默后突然说。

“太操蛋了。”凯特小声说。

“那个毒贩子,很显然还为自己拥有一个吸血鬼非常骄傲。只要给了足够的钱,他让他的客人从她身上直接喝血。根本不在乎他的那些混蛋客户如何用银制品伤害她的。”

凯特被人类的残忍给惊呆了。“操,”这是她唯一能说的。

“很明显,人类对杀不死的生物有着病态的迷恋,尽管人类憎恨吸血鬼。”叶琳娜厌恶地说,“他们用银制品割伤她只为享受着看她自愈的样子。”

凯特的肚子不舒服地蠕动着。一股怒火从心底生起。她希望能狠狠伤害做出这种事情的人。她有人能惩罚那个人类。

“当我发现她的时候,她已经晕过去了。我移除了银链,”叶琳娜咬紧牙关,继续她的讲述。“但我不得不让她喝下我的血才让她醒过来。”

“你杀了那个毒贩吗?”凯特轻声问,转头看向叶琳娜。

叶琳娜拒绝回应凯特的目光,她只是微微摇了摇头。“那不是我的决定。我把那个毒贩交给了那个女孩,亚历克斯,那是她的复仇。她当着那个毒贩的面吸干了那个毒贩的所有手下,把那个毒贩留着当血包,追杀每一个曾经伤害她的人类。”

凯特不安地扭动了一下。那是残忍血腥的行径,但那个女孩经历了这么多非人的折磨,凯特觉得她无权说她的复仇太残忍。更何况,凯特现在已经知道了,以牙还牙、一报还一报是吸血鬼的文化。再说了,当她的族类的文化是头狼和挑战头狼的狼人两者之间必有一死的时候,她又有什么资格批评吸血鬼生性残忍呢。

“那你呢,凯特·毕肖普?”叶琳娜突然问,她转过头,深深望进凯特的眼睛里。绿褐色的眼睛遇到了蓝色的,叶琳娜一眨不眨地看着她,“如果是你,你会怎么做?”

“我、我——”凯特结结巴巴地停下了。她从来不喜欢这类事情的粉丝,所以她从未加入任何一个狼群。她母亲杀人、和黑帮合作,所以她选择了把她母亲交给警察。但警察奈何不了金并,她也不认为人类当权会在乎吸血鬼的权利。见鬼,凯特知道旨在推动吸血鬼权益保障的法案在大多数地方都没有通过(不像其他超自然生物,吸血鬼基本上是死去的人,所以吸血鬼权利是美国最具争议的议题之一)。她会为了保护人类猎杀吸血鬼或者其他超自然生物。她甚至可能在圣诞节的时候已经杀了几个运动服黑帮。但是,在这种情况下,她真的不知道她该怎么做。她不觉得对着那人的脑袋一枪能平息她的愤怒。

“我会把他当做靶子一样射箭,”凯特说,“直到他像刺猬一样浑身是箭。”

叶琳娜悲伤地笑了起来。

“不,凯特·毕肖普,你不会的,”叶琳娜说,“你不是这样的人。”

凯特不知道说什么好。叶琳娜也失去了再次开口的兴趣,两人静静地躺在草地上,在彼此的沉默中思考着。

不知过了多久,叶琳娜站了起来。凯特惊讶地坐起来看向叶琳娜。“你要走了?”

“不。”叶琳娜开口。“够多沉思了,凯特·毕肖普,你还打算和我一起练习吗?”

凯特咧嘴一笑,站起来化作狼形。

Notes:

她们越走越近了!!!(咬住小被几抑制住兴奋的尖叫.jpg)

分类
Bishova femslash 原创 同人文 极地冷CP

【Bishova】初尝滋味(5)

上周在狼人酒吧的糟糕经历让凯特情绪低落,因为她讨厌失去控制,也讨厌在酒吧里看到的一切,更讨厌叶琳娜让她非常困惑。所以她去了森林,享受在平静的森林的夜晚自由奔跑的快乐。

……然而她的平静夜晚注定要被叶琳娜打断。

“凯特·毕肖普。”一个俄罗斯口音在荒无人烟的森林中响起。

凯特想都没想就把手中的水瓶砸了过去,尽管她已经闻到了熟悉的气味。

“嗨——!”穿着黄黑色格子大衣的叶琳娜唱歌般地说道。

凯特转过身来面对她。

“你想要什么,叶琳娜?”凯特问。

“放松,凯特·毕肖普。我只是想和你谈谈,好吗?”

“上一次我想跟你谈的时候你在我肋骨上踢了一脚,”凯特抱怨道,“那真的很疼。”

“啊,没错,好吧,被巨型狼人撞倒在地也是一样。”叶琳娜的眼睛亮了起来,“哦,不过那招真不错。特别有效,不是吗?你的背摔也挺厉害。”

“谢、谢谢。”叶琳娜所说的凯特的巡回金毛犬内心膨胀起来,然后她记起叶琳娜是个讨人厌的碍事吸血鬼,“别让我喜欢你了!”

“抱歉,我就是忍不住。那真的很有趣。”叶琳娜毫不抱歉地耸了耸肩。

凯特忍不住露出一个笑容。她从来没有什么和其他吸血鬼打交道的经历(至少不是通过语言),不过她发现叶琳娜很有魅力。

叶琳娜停下笑容,意有所指地看了她一眼,“你打算穿上点衣服吗?这不是那种谈话。”

凯特为叶琳娜话里的暗示感到脸色发红,来不及细想她为什么这么做,她只是说,“当然,我又不是什么怪物。”她找到附近丢弃的衣服穿好,懒洋洋地坐在叶琳娜附近的一块草地上(她不知道吸血鬼习惯的社交距离是多少,所以她选了一个中立的地方)。

“我是一个黑寡妇。娜塔莎·罗曼诺夫是我的姐姐。自从我和她毁掉了红房间后,我们一直在寻找流落各地的红房间技术并销毁它们。”叶琳娜开门见山地说。

凯特被这巨大的信息量打了个措手不及。“你……什么?”

娜塔莎·罗曼诺夫是凯特小时候的偶像(除了鹰眼之外)。她凭一己之力逃出并毁掉了剥削小女孩们的准军事犯罪组织、公开了红房间所有的相关文件,确保了再也没有类似的事情发生。始作俑者德雷科夫在落网前失踪直到今日,被推测已死亡。但所有公开的资料里都没有提到寡妇们是吸血鬼、推翻红房间的人还有另一个。

“你真的是那个黑寡妇的妹妹?天哪,我差点要杀了你!”凯特不可置信地说。

“你,杀我?”叶琳娜大笑起来,她的笑声惊动了寂静的森林。“你真搞笑。我是不死的。”

“吸血鬼可以被杀死的。”凯特实事求是地说。

“那是真的。但不是像你和我打架那样。如果你打算惹金并的话,你会需要学习怎么猎杀吸血鬼。”

“你怎么知道金并?”凯特警惕起来,但接着想起来,“你很了解我。”

与此同时叶琳娜说,“我很了解你,记得吗?”

“那么,关于金并,你知道些什么?”凯特问。

叶琳娜仔细打量着凯特。“有证据表明金并手中有一些红房间的技术和联系人。这就是为什么我会去调查那个女巫集会和狼人酒吧。看样子我们的案子混在一起了。”

“叶琳娜,这是你说我们应该合作的意思吗?”凯特笑得很开心。

叶琳娜站起来,居高临下地看着草地上的狼人。

“不。我一个人工作。和娜塔莎。”叶琳娜平静地说,不等凯特说些什么,叶琳娜露出半个微笑继续说道,“但是我不能看着我最喜欢的狼人把自己弄死了,所以,凯特,我要教你怎么和吸血鬼打架。嗯,以及如何猎杀吸血鬼。”

凯特尽量不要因为叶琳娜说她是她最喜欢的狼人而脸红,“所以没有‘远离这些,凯特·毕肖普’了?”

“那是对我口音的拙劣模仿,”叶琳娜抱怨道。“我确实告诉过你远离这些,不是吗?可是你是这么固执,阻止你就像尝试阻止龙卷风一样。你真是个讨厌鬼。”

“谢谢!”凯特兴高采烈地说。

“那不是夸奖。”叶琳娜干巴巴地回答。

“可是你还是愿意教我如何打架。”凯特骄傲地说。

“那是因为我需要你暂时不要和那些女巫和狼人交手。”叶琳娜解释,“我需要找出她们背后的所有势力,这样才能完全消灭红房间的残余势力。与此同时,她们的能力可能会越来越大,攻击人类似乎是不可避免的。你能做到吗,凯特·毕肖普?”

凯特盯着叶琳娜看了一会儿然后说,“那如果为了你而延误让人类遭到袭击了怎么办?”

“不相信自己有能力保护人类吗,凯特·毕肖普?”

凯特被激怒了。“我当然可以做到。我只是没那么信任你。”

“我愿意教你如何猎杀我的同类,凯特·毕肖普,”叶琳娜皱起鼻子,“这大概是一个种族对另一个种族终极友好的象征了。”

这……有理有据,凯特无法反驳。

“好吧,就这么定了,”凯特站起来,伸出手准备和叶琳娜握手。

叶琳娜好奇地盯着她伸到半空中的手,没有动弹。“那是什么?”

“握手为定!”凯特惊叫出声,被叶琳娜不知道握手意义的事实给惊呆了。

“吸血鬼没有这种东西。”叶琳娜若有所思地说,“我们被我们的行为所定义,而不是一些奇怪的人类仪式。”

凯特盯着叶琳娜看了一会儿。“你基本上为血给人类付钱,而不是直接杀了她们,你甚至还带她们吃晚餐,这就是仪式。”

“那是资本主义。”叶琳娜扬起眉毛,“你觉得只有人类社会才有金钱交易吗?有点种族主义不是吗?”

凯特的脸红了,不知道该怎么回答。叶琳娜看了她一眼,决定放她一马。“不管如何,吸血鬼文化确实和凡人的文化不一样。现在,告诉我,凯特·毕肖普,你知道杀死吸血鬼的方式吗?”

凯特思考了一下。“木桩穿心,斩首,火,还有阳光?”

叶琳娜点了点头。

“我看到了你的武器选择,”她朝凯特放在一边的弓箭示意,“非常不实用,但是我猜你有银质箭头吧?”

“嘿!我要让你知道弓箭非常实用。”凯特被冒犯到了,“不过我有银箭头,木芯箭。我在女巫会后装备的。不是针对你个人。”

叶琳娜耸了耸肩。“弓箭很占地方。不利于隐蔽。而且箭头的消耗速度太快了。完全没有枪支那么实用。”

“太吵了,”凯特抱怨道。“而且我有我的特殊箭!它们比子弹好用多了!”

叶琳娜哼了一声。“我们保持不同意见吧。你有哪些特殊箭?”

“让我看看,我有油灰箭,网箭,酸箭,冰箭,声波箭,电磁箭,爆炸箭,麻醉针箭……”

“你需要胶质银,装在你的那些小箭头上。”叶琳娜实事求是地说,“你的大部分箭头对吸血鬼都没什么用。即使能让吸血鬼受伤,我们也能迅速恢复。但是胶质银能对吸血鬼们造成巨大痛苦。能发射紫外线的箭头也会很好用。在晚上相当好用,特别是当你你没有火的时候。”

“声波箭应该也会有效,”叶琳娜看着凯特的箭想了想,补充道,“吸血鬼耳朵非常敏感。这可会让我们有够受的。”

“好吧。”凯特说,“白天第一件事,做新的箭头。”

“当你的小箭头用完的时候,我猜你会变形和别人打架?”叶琳娜把手中的箭递还给凯特。

“没错。”凯特努力不要骄傲地翘起尾巴(她失败了)。

“那就变形吧,小狼,让我看看你是怎么对付吸血鬼的。”叶琳娜说。

于是凯特听话地变身了。

“好女孩。”叶琳娜说。

这句话对凯特产生了意想不到的效果。她忍不住发出一声呜咽,并祈祷吸血鬼并不像读懂人类形态一样容易读懂她。

叶琳娜笑了。

她揉了揉大黑狼的耳朵,“你喜欢,不是吗?”

狼人发出了一声很容易被识别为沮丧的声音。

“来吧,小狼。别害羞了,攻击我,”叶琳娜说,“我保证会下手轻点的。”

狼人发出一声低吼并扑向了吸血鬼。吸血鬼熟练地绕开狼嘴,用胳膊圈住了狼人的脖颈,嘴巴贴在狼人的耳边。

“你死定了,小狼,”叶琳娜说,“你瞄准我的喉咙没错,但同时你也暴露了你的。”

狼人发出一声咆哮,把吸血鬼从肩膀上甩下来,然后再次试图扑倒对方。

叶琳娜被撞倒在地,但她很快用强壮双腿夹住了狼人的腰。“记住,狼人的腰部很脆弱。如果不能快速消灭对手的话,千万不要让你的腰暴露在吸血鬼的攻击范围内。”

叶琳娜轻松地把两人的位置颠倒过来,骑在狼人身上。她吃吃笑起来。“我想我更喜欢你的狼人形态。你平时是那么多话,”

叶琳娜身下的狼人生气地哼了一声,她打了滚把叶琳娜摔到一边,然后又一次向吸血鬼发起了攻击。

她们互相挑战对方,直到下半夜。

“这很有趣,”叶琳娜又一次松开对狼人脆弱脖颈的抓握,优雅地站起来,“不过快要日出了。”

凯特恢复了她的人类形态,气喘吁吁,不禁有点嫉妒起吸血鬼毫不疲惫的样子。

“穿件衣服吧,小狼,”叶琳娜笑嘻嘻地说。

凯特傲慢地哼了一声,挺起胸膛。“我们狼人也有自己的文化,看我在不在乎。”她说着,把水从水瓶里往头上倒,心知叶琳娜在打量她。

“好吧,我想我可以了解更多。”吸血鬼感兴趣地说,声音里没有一丝评判的意味。“我们明天同一时间在这里见?”

“哦!当然。”凯特有些惊讶地说,然后看着叶琳娜像往常一样突然消失在森林里。

凯特今天对叶琳娜的了解比以前多了一些,但她猜有些事情还是不会变的:她总是随心所欲地出现,然后突然离开。

Notes:

叶琳娜没有告诉凯特所有的事情!
她也没有打算接受帮助,但她肯定是做出了改变XD
(说,谢谢你娜塔莎——)

分类
Bishova 英文 femslash 原创 同人文 极地冷CP 个人存档

【Bishova】The First Taste(4)

Yelena has been investigating Valentina for a while. After observing her for a week, she manages to infiltrate Valentina’s social circle under a fake name, admiring the various gadgets the wealthy ancient vampire is keen to display. Most of them are artifacts, arts, and secret weapons, which she had purchased, stolen, and plundered during her immortal life. Valentina is a show-off who doesn’t hesitate to display her vast collection to anyone who constantly compliments her, so Yelena quickly identifies all of Valentina’s Red Room goods. The only problem is that she can’t bypass that amount of werewolf bodyguards. Valentina’s manor is heavily guarded by her wolves, and there are wolves patrol outside 24/7. Uninvited vampires can be sniffed out from a mile away.

She doesn’t know why a vampire can have so many loyal werewolf minions, so she continues her observation until she follows her to the werewolf bar. She hides in the shadows and sees all Valentina’s supply activities. That’s when she senses an obnoxiously delicious smell of a familiar werewolf. Kate Bishop.

She never knows werewolves could be so annoying. With the exception of these blood-addicted wolves in front of her, almost all werewolves never interact with vampires. Although Yelena is not biased, there is a reason why vampires don’t like werewolves in general. Werewolves smell more like dogs than humans. Yelena doesn’t mind though. She likes dogs. Although vampires can’t really have dogs (because she doesn’t really get a chance to walk them every day with her schedule and she clearly can’t invite dog walkers into her home), she always rescues lost puppies. She would take them home and play with them for a while before she has to send them to a shelter. Natasha teases her a lot about it, so she revengefully names every puppy she rescues Fanny.

But Kate Bishop is a special kind of puppy. For one, she doesn’t smell like any other werewolf. She smells more like a human, with a freshness that Yelena could only describe as the smell of a forest. Second… She’s literally a puppy that has a strong sense of justice. She understands, that in another life, she might also have a sense of justice when she sees a vampire treating a human like a glorified blood bag. She admired the werewolf’s unflinching interaction with a vampire, so despite Kate’s obnoxious interruption to her feeding, she didn’t harm Kate at all. If it were anyone else, she would have broken their neck instead. But she also knew that the pursuit of justice was a rare thing. Valar Morghulis, immortals also will die, or worse, with so much power but feel so weak.

When she was three, her mother told her she could be anything she wanted to be. She had her loving parents, and a strong, brave sister. There’s nothing she couldn’t do. She thought she was the most capable person in the world. By the time she was six, her dreams were over. Her family was fake, and her life was a mission. She was violently dragged away from Natasha and was sold to the Red Room. Since that, there’s only endless training and forced V-abusing left. The year of her graduation, she was honorably killed and reborn as a vampire. She was the best child assassin. Then the best widow vampire.

Years later, she heard that Natasha had escaped. But she didn’t stop Dreykov. Not really. Dreykov was forced to go off-grid, while he used dark magic to control all the widows to make sure it never happened again. Eight years later, she was freed from the magical red dust, but at the cost of watching herself killed her savior.

She didn’t know what to do. The vulnerable feeling of being pulled away from her sister came back. So all she could do was send the old photos and the antidote to the nearest safe house of Natasha she could find.

Eventually, Natasha came back for her. The whole mission was filled with pain, relief and doubt, and even now she sometimes still would doubt that Natasha will leave her again.

Natasha made a terrible vampire joke, saying that she would never let Yelena go again until the day she met her true death. For Lilith’s sake, Natasha is so good at making Yelena roll her eyes.

As unbelievable as reconnecting with Natasha is the amount of Red Room assets. In addition to widows all over the world, there are countless secret black magic weapons and so many Red Room contacts.

Their mission is to free the widows and remove all of Dreykov’s legacy. Someone has to. After all this happened to her, Yelena wouldn’t trust anything like this to stay in the world.

After they destroyed the Red Room for good, Yelena and Natasha got separated. While She locates and liberates other widows, Natasha travels across the world, building safe houses and investigating Red Room contacts. Natasha is the perfect investigator, she is so good at getting information from unwilling people with or without vampire powers (a little too good at it, Yelena admits, and sometimes it’s very annoying). They meet, catch up, annoy each other, and sometimes work together to destroy bad guys in between missions. She does not feel any sense of justice. Not like Kate Bishop does. Just things have to be done. She’s still killing people. Plus, she’s a vampire. She feeds on humans.

But Kate Bishop is different. Yelena knows her from her few encounters with her. She can see that Kate is an innocent wolfie, believing in justice. She has this passion to save humanity. She literally put her own mother behind bars. While Yelena’s notorious mother is studying pigs on a farm in the middle of nowhere, her father spent more than 20 years in prison before breaking out of it with Yelena and Natasha’s help. And despite all the weapons options, Kate Bishop chooses a bow and arrows. Very impractical. They are two people from different worlds (literally and metaphorically) . Nevertheless, Yelena finds herself couldn’t help but be stupidly attracted to this Kate Bishop.

Kate’s stupid naivety and the sense of justice made part of her want to cry. The other part of her wants to wipe the arrogance and optimism off her face every time Kate interrupts her.

That’s why she’s always deliberately taking humans to the bar where Kate works. Sometimes she’s not even that hungry. She really enjoys getting under Kate’s skin. To be honest, playing with food was not her cup of tea. It’s more like Natasha’s thing, but she just can’t help with it. She just loves to see Kate blush at the innuendo flirtations and retort wittily without hesitation. She enjoys flirting back and forth, and feeding got more fun. In the past, Yelena paid a human, and the human offered their blood, it’s a strict business relationship, very formulaic. However, after meeting Kate, she would take humans out, and yes, the emotional connection with a human does make a human taste better. And she really enjoys the righteous look that Kate shoots at her every time. She wants Kate to know that humans don’t need her to rescue them. Besides, Kate is gorgeous. Elena doesn’t mind being stared at by a good-looking werewolf like her.

But then Kate kept irritating her. She began to meddle in Yelena’s missions, and not only to save humans in distress. Yelena didn’t know what werewolves do to spend their time, but can’t Kate Bishop chase a squirrel or something? So she did what she does best: investigate Kate Bishop. She discovered that Kate’s mother had a business relationship with Kingpin, which was why Kate Bishop turned Eleanor Bishop over to the police. Kate Bishop’s investigation into the coven could be because of Kingpin. This was a direction that Yelena had not thought of. She still had not found out who had provided that bunch of clown witches with such advanced witchcraft, but it might be a good breakthrough point. She looked at the long list of evidence of Kingpin’s crimes, thinking that sooner or later, Kate Bishop would get herself killed.

Kate Bishop will get herself killed sooner or later. Yelena watches the crazy behavior of other werewolves in the bar, thinking. Even she feels the wild energy in the air.

Yelena sighs and drags Kate out of the bar.

“I told you to stay out of this, Kate Bishop,” Yelena says, holding Kate up to the brick wall. She’s not sure how much it affected Kate, and she won’t take any risk. “I see you’re in my way, again.”

Kate begins to fight her crazily. She’s never seen Kate this out of control. Their quarrels were always semi-friendly, even when they first met, Kate didn’t really show this much aggression. Kate’s eyes now are golden, pupils dilating. She struggled fiercely, baring her teeth in a low, threatening voice.

Yelena tries using pheromones. In general, she doesn’t like to use pheromones. Pheromones are only effective when she’s feeding on someone or when someone is attracted to her, and she doesn’t like to take advantage of people. Not anymore. Old Yelena who was under control would do whatever it takes to achieve the goal, nowadays, Yelena does not want to do it, not at all.

Kate calms down under Yelena’s pheromones. Of course it worked… Yelena sighs in her mind. She certainly noticed Kate’s attraction to her, but she never intended to use pheromones in such a situation.

Kate’s eyes have returned to their original bright blue. She never planned to hurt Kate, so she put a calmer Kate down. She should have known Kate would connect the dots. Kate was naive, but not stupid. She didn’t want to encourage Kate’s investigation, so she just lets Kate go completely and leave.

Then Kate asks her out for a drink in the middle of a fight. Looking up into Kate’s expecting eyes, she wonders if she does this every time. Does she ask her opponent out for a drink during every fight? What is she thinking in that pretty little head?

Although she does not want to encourage Kate’s dangerous behavior furthermore, she cannot resist flirting with Kate before leaving. She just couldn’t help it. And she blames Natasha for this. Natasha is such a bad influence on her!

After getting rid of Kate, Yelena decides to see Natasha. Valentina’s werewolves army is very disturbing, and she needs to let Natasha know.

Turns out Natasha is in a safe house in another state. Yelena blows their secret whistle at the door. Natasha responds with her whistle before opening the door.

Natasha pulls Yelena into a hug. She raises an eyebrow at her scent after pulling away.

“Have you found any stray dogs lately?” Natasha teases gently.

Yelena rolls her eyes. She swears Natasha is the most annoying sister ever. “Just a clingy golden retriever.”

Yelena rolls her eyes again at the thought of the relentless Kate Bishop.

Natasha raises her eyebrow again. Her little sister looks extra grumpy today.

“What do you know about werewolves?” Yelena asks.

Yelena is busy releasing widows. Social with other species is not her priority. Also, werewolves are a relatively isolated group, she does not know very much about wolves beside the basics.

“Here,” Natasha said, taking a blood bag from the fridge and throwing it at her, “take this, grumpy face. Well, most werewolves are nothing like Alexei.”

At the mention of their name sake father, Yelena rolls her eyes again. Alexei is a werewolf but genetically modified. He’s nowhere as pretty as Kate Bishop in his wolf form, more like professor Lupin in the Harry Potter movie (Natasha forced her to watch the entire series, and Yelena kept criticizing inaccurate depictions of magic and supernatural creatures while watching), but stronger and bigger, and he doesn’t lose his mind. Alexei is noisy, his powers come mainly from his big words, and he doesn’t have a pack. But as far as she knows, Kate Bishop doesn’t belong to any pack as well.

“They are loyal to the pack and would never betray the pack. Traditionally, the alpha wolf is a female. But recently I’ve heard some packs popping up that are almost exclusively white males, and you know, most of these guys are lone wolves that have been kicked out of the pack for misbehaving, which are pretty nasty.”

That would explain what happened at the werewolf bar. Yelena surely noticed more than 90% of those werewolves in that bar are white men.

Yelena frowns. “I think I’ve met one and, worse, they’re addicted to vampire blood and Valentina is supplying them.”

“Oh dear Lilith.” Natasha takes a sip of her drink. “That’s dangerous, Yelena. You know how strong mortals can get when they’re on V, not to mention a whole pack of them.”

She knows. A healthy werewolf may not be as fast as a vampire, but it’s enough to kill an inexperienced vampire (not enough to handle a widow though). Werewolves on V are extremely threatening, not to mention that they follow an equally crazy alpha wolf.

“I’ll be careful. Your information is correct. Valentina has several black magic books from the Red Room. She may or may not have mentioned a giant mob boss in New York. I need to gather more information and destroy them. Someone like Valentina cannot have those.”

“Okay, but I think you need some help, you can take Sonia or Ana with you,” Natasha pauses, then adds carefully, “I can help.”

“No,” her reply comes sharper than she has expected, looking at Natasha’s raised eyebrow she adds with a sigh, “Sonia and Anna have their own lives now, and Ana has such a lovely family. It’s not their mission, not by choice.”

Natasha sighs. “You know that asking for help isn’t a weakness, right? You can always ask me for help.”

“You are helping,” Yelena retorts, “I want you to stay here and put more pressure on that contact of yours. If she can get me access to Valentina’s close circle, she must know a lot about Valentina’s connections. More than she tells. I need more information. I’m going to destroy all of Valentina’s criminal connections.”

Yelena takes a sip of her drink. Ugh, it doesn’t taste very well. She’s got picky, there is nothing better than feeding directly on the living. She wonders what Kate Bishop, who smells fantastic, would taste like. “Besides, if you come with me, Lilith knows how long will it takes, what about your red hair witch? You’re gonna leave her like that?”

It’s Natasha’s turn to roll her eyes. “We’ve only been on a few dates… you’re such a little shit,” Wanda, the witch they met when they destroyed a black magic book from the Red Room last time. Turns out she’s not a villain, she’s just tempted by dark magic.

Yelena chuckles. Ever since she found out that her big sister is dating the scarlet witch, she was destined to tease Natasha with it forever. Otherwise, what’s the fun of having a sister?

“But seriously tho,” Natasha says. “You can always count on me for your backup. Those werewolves are very tricky.”

“You don’t say,” Yelena murmurs, thinking of a particular black wolf.

“Call me, or whatever help you need, before things get worse, okay? It’s not a bad thing to ask for help,” Natasha says, placing her hand on her shoulder.

“Of course. You always are my hero,” Yelena says calmly, without a trace of irony in her voice. Not anymore.

“Oh, and I need some new antidotes. I’m almost out. Then we can watch whatever shitty movie you want to watch!” Yelena puts down her drink and shouts excitedly.

“In the safe,” Natasha replies, yelling as Yelena walks toward the safe. “You could always have asked mom for the antidotes, you know!”

Yelena yells back as she comes back, “Why bother her when I can annoy you to death?”

“You’re the shittest sister ever,” Natasha says, laughing as she bites into her straw. Her little sister is a brat but she loves her so much that her heart aches anyway.

分类
Bishova femslash 原创 同人文 未分类 极地冷CP

【Bishova】初尝滋味(4)

叶琳娜跟踪调查瓦伦蒂娜已经有一段时间了。观察了她一个星期后,她用假身份设法混进了瓦伦蒂娜的社交圈,欣赏这个富有的年长吸血鬼热衷于展示的各种小玩意儿。有各种新奇的从未公开的技术,也有罕见的艺术品,这些东西都是她在漫长的永生岁月中购买、偷窃、巧取豪夺而来的。瓦伦蒂娜是个爱炫耀的吸血鬼,毫不吝惜向任何赞美她的人展示她丰富的收藏,所以叶琳娜很快确定了瓦伦蒂娜收藏的所有红房间技术。唯一的问题是,她没法通过大量随处可见的狼人保镖这一关。瓦伦蒂娜的庄园被她的狼人部下们层层把守着,外面还有巡逻的狼群。不请自来的吸血鬼在一英里外就能被闻出来。

她不知道为什么一个吸血鬼会有这么多忠心耿耿的狼人跟随,于是她继续她安静的观察,直到跟着她去到那个狼人酒吧。她隐藏在阴影里,把瓦伦蒂娜的供养活动看得一清二楚,直到她闻到了一股熟悉的、美味得讨人厌的气味。凯特·毕肖普。

她从来不知道狼人如此烦人。除了眼前这些嗑血成瘾的狼群,几乎所有狼人都和吸血鬼井水不犯河水。虽然叶琳娜并没有偏见,但吸血鬼不喜欢狼人是有原因的。狼人们闻起来更像是狗而不是人类。嗯,叶琳娜倒不是很介意。她喜欢狗。虽然吸血鬼不是真的可以养狗(因为以她作息时间表和工作她真的不太有机会每天遛狗,她也不能请看狗人到自己家里)。不过她看到落难小狗总是会把它们带回家,在不得不送走它们前和狗狗们玩耍一会儿。娜塔莎总是因此嘲笑她,所以她报复性地给每一条捡到的小狗都取名叫范妮。

但凯特·毕肖普是一种特别的小狗。第一,她闻起来和别的狼人不一样。她闻起来更像是人类,有一种叶琳娜只能形容为森林的清新气味。第二……她字面意义上是一只正义感十足的小狗。她理解的,如果在另一个人生里,她可能也会是仗义出手相救被吸血鬼当做血包的女人。她欣赏狼人在面对吸血鬼时的毫不退缩,所以尽管凯特讨人厌地打断了她的进食,她也没有伤害凯特一分一毫。如果换了别人,她肯定早就扭断对方的脖颈了。但她也深知追求正义是一件可遇不可得的事情。凡人皆有一死,不死族也会死,或者更糟,拥有如此强大的力量却如此弱小。

三岁的时候,她的母亲告诉她她可以成为任何她想成为的人。她有一对勇猛的父母,一个强大的、勇敢的姐姐。没有什么她不能做到的。她以为她是世界上最无所不能的人。直到六岁那年,她的梦幻破灭了。她的家庭是假的,她的人生就是一场任务,她被粗暴地拽离了娜塔莎,然后被卖给了红房间。从那之后,是无止尽的训练和强迫嗑血。她毕业那年,她被光荣地杀死了,以吸血鬼的身份重生。她曾是最优秀的儿童杀手。然后是最优秀的吸血鬼寡妇。

一段时间后,她听说娜塔莎逃出去了。但她却没能真正阻止德雷科夫。德雷科夫只是被迫转入地下,与此同时,为了保证类似事件不再发生,德雷科夫开始用魔法控制所有女孩。八年后,她被魔法红尘所释放,但代价是她亲眼看着自己杀死了她的救命恩人。

她不知道该怎么办。六岁那年被从姐姐身边拽开的那种脆弱感又回来了。所以她能做的只是把旧相片和解药寄给她查到的娜塔莎最近的安全屋。

最终,娜塔莎还是回来找她了。整个任务充满了痛苦、解脱和怀疑,即使是现在,她有时还是不敢相信娜塔莎不会再次离开她。

娜塔莎开了个糟糕的吸血鬼玩笑,说她不会再让叶琳娜离开了,直到她死的那一天。天,娜塔莎真的很擅长让叶琳娜翻白眼。

和娜塔莎重新联系上一样难以置信的是,德雷科夫的红房子资产数量。除了遍布世界的寡妇,还有无数秘密的黑魔法、武器和联系人。

她们的任务是解放寡妇,清除德雷科夫留下的所有祸根。总得有人要这么做。经历过了这些,叶琳娜不会放心让任何类似的东西留在这个世界上。

她们毁掉红房间后她和娜塔莎分开了,她用娜塔莎下载的信息寻找并解放其他的寡妇,娜塔莎则周游世界,建立安全屋和调查红房间相关的资产。娜塔莎是最适合获取情报的寡妇,无论有没有吸血鬼能力,她都能轻而易举地从人嘴里撬出信息(有点太擅长了,叶琳娜承认,这有时候很烦人)。她们在任务和任务之间见面,聊天,互相惹恼对方,有时候一起组队消灭坏人。她不觉得这是一件多么正义的事情。她仍在杀戮。再加上,她是一个吸血鬼。她以吸食人类的鲜血为生。

但凯特·毕肖普不一样。叶琳娜从和她为数不多的交流中就能看出她是一个天真的,相信正义的狼人。她有一种热忱的拯救人类的冲动。她真的亲手把自己的母亲送进了监狱。而叶琳娜的臭名昭著的母亲在一个荒无人烟的农场里研究猪,她的父亲在监狱里呆了二十年多年,然后被叶琳娜和她姐姐救出来了。还有,尽管有这么多武器选择,凯特·毕肖普还是选了弓箭。非常不实用。她们是两个世界的人(字面意义上和比喻意义上)。尽管如此,叶琳娜发现她还是情不自禁地被凯特·毕肖普吸引了。

凯特愚蠢的天真和正义感让一部分的她想哭。另一部分的她想要抹去每次凯特打断她的任务时脸上的傲慢和乐观。

这就是为什么她总是故意带人类去凯特打工的酒吧。有时候她甚至没那么饿。她非常享受激怒凯特的时候。说实话,玩弄食物不是她的菜,娜塔莎才喜欢这么做,但叶琳娜就是忍不住。她就是喜欢看到凯特为那些含沙射影的评论而脸红,并毫不犹豫地机智反驳回来的样子。她非常享受两人来来回回的调情,进食也变得更有意思了。以前,叶琳娜付钱给人类,人类提供给她鲜血,一切都是严格的生意关系,非常公式化。但遇见凯特后,她会带人类去酒吧,是啊,与人类的情感联结确实让人类尝起来更美味。并且她真的很享受凯特朝她射来的正义眼光。她想要凯特知道,人类不需要她的拯救。而且,凯特漂亮极了。叶琳娜不介意被凯特盯着看。

但接下来,凯特越来越让叶琳娜生气了。她开始插手叶琳娜的任务,而不只满足于拯救落难人类。她不知道平时狼人们都做些什么消磨时间,但凯特·毕肖普就不能去追只松鼠什么的吗?所以她做了最擅长的事情:调查凯特·毕肖普。她发现凯特的妈妈和金并有生意关系,这就是凯特·毕肖普把埃莉诺·毕肖普交给警方的原因。凯特·毕肖普调查女巫会可能是因为金并。这是个叶琳娜没有想过的方向,她仍然没有找出到底是谁给那群半吊子巫师提供了如此高深的巫术,但这无疑是一个不错的突破点。她看着金并长长的犯罪证据,心想,凯特·毕肖普迟早会把她自己弄死。

凯特·毕肖普迟早会把她自己弄死。叶琳娜看着狼人酒吧里的其他狼人的疯狂举动。即使是她也感受到了那股不可忽视的能量。

叶琳娜叹了口气,把凯特从酒吧里拖了出来。

“我告诉你远离这些,凯特·毕肖普,”叶琳娜举着凯特,把她固定在砖墙上。她不确定那股力量对凯特的影响有多大,她不会冒任何风险。“我看你又一次挡我道了。”

凯特开始激烈地反抗她。她从来没有见过凯特这么失控过。她们之间的争吵从来都是半友好的;即使是她们一次见面的时候,凯特也没有真正展示过强烈的攻击性。凯特的眼睛现在是金色的,瞳孔扩张。她凶狠地挣扎着,露出牙齿发出低沉的威胁声。

叶琳娜试着使用信息素。通常来说,她不喜欢使用信息素。信息素只有在吸血的时候或者对方被她吸引的时候才有用,而她不喜欢利用别人。再也不是了。被控制之下的叶琳娜会为了达到目的不顾一切,现在的叶琳娜一点也不想这么做。

凯特在叶琳娜的信息素下平静下来。当然,它起效了……叶琳娜在心里叹了口气。她当然注意到了她对凯特的吸引,但她从来不想在这种情况下利用信息素。

凯特的眼睛恢复了原本清澈的蓝色。叶琳娜从来没有伤害凯特的打算,于是她把一个平静下来的凯特放了下来。她早该知道凯特会把两件事情联系起来。凯特很天真,但并不愚蠢。叶琳娜不想进一步鼓励凯特的调查,所以她只是彻底松开了凯特,并准备离开。

然后凯特在打架中途约她喝酒。叶琳娜向上凝视着凯特充满期待的眼睛,好奇地心想,在打架中问对手出去喝酒,她每次都会这么做吗?那个漂亮脑袋里在想些什么呢?

尽管叶琳娜不想再鼓励凯特的危险行为了,但她还是忍不住在离开前和凯特调情。她就是忍不住。娜塔莎给她的坏影响真是越来越大了。

摆脱了凯特之后,叶琳娜出发去见娜塔莎。瓦伦蒂娜的狼人军队非常让人不安,她需要让娜塔莎知道。

结果发现娜塔莎目前在临州的一个安全屋里。叶琳娜在门口吹了她们的秘密口哨。娜塔莎用一声高音口哨回复她,打开了门。

娜塔莎把叶琳娜拉进一个拥抱里,闻到叶琳娜的气味,娜塔莎挑起一边眉毛。

“最近又捡到什么迷途小狗了吗?”娜塔莎温和地戏弄道。

叶琳娜翻了个白眼。她发誓娜塔莎一定是有史以来最烦人的姐姐。“只是一只粘人的金毛寻回犬。”

一想到不依不饶的凯特·毕肖普,叶琳娜不禁又翻了个白眼。

娜塔莎又挑了挑眉。她的小妹妹今天看起来格外暴躁。

“你对狼人有什么了解?”叶琳娜问。

叶琳娜主要在释放寡妇们。狼人又是一个相对独立的群体,她对狼群并不是非常了解。

“嗯,”娜塔莎从冰箱里拿出一个血袋,丢给叶琳娜,“暴躁脸,拿着这个。大部分狼人肯定不像阿莱克谢那样。”

一提到她们名义上的父亲,叶琳娜又翻了个白眼。阿莱克谢是个狼人,但被基因改造过。他变形后可不像凯特·毕肖普那样漂亮,更像是哈利·波特电影(娜塔莎逼她看了整个系列,叶琳娜看的时候一直在批评对魔法和神奇生物的不准确描绘)里的狼人,但是更强壮,能理解人话。阿莱克谢很吵闹,能力主要来自于他的大话,而且他也没有狼群。不过据她所知,凯特·毕肖普也不属于任何一个狼群。

“ta们对狼群很忠诚,绝对不会背叛狼群。传统上头狼都是女性。但我最近听说有些几乎只有白人男性的狼群出现,你知道的,大部分这些狼人都是因为行为不端被踢出狼群的孤狼,相当糟糕。”

这就可以解释那个狼人酒吧里发生的事情了。那个酒吧里90%以上的狼人都是白人男性。

叶琳娜皱起眉头。“我想我遇到了一个。更糟糕的是,他们嗑血上瘾。瓦伦蒂娜在供养他们。”

“老天。”娜塔莎喝了一口她的饮料,“这很危险,叶琳娜。你知道嗑了血的人有多强壮。更别说那是一整群狼人。”

她知道的。一个健康的狼人虽然没有吸血鬼那么快的速度,但足以杀死一个没有经验的吸血鬼(虽然尚不足以对付一个寡妇)。嗑了血的狼人是成倍的威胁,更何况ta们听命于一个同样狂热的头狼。

“我会小心的。你的消息没错,瓦伦蒂娜拥有好几本红房间的黑魔法书。她可能提到了一个纽约的大块头黑帮老大。我需要继续打探信息,然后销毁它们。不能让瓦伦蒂娜之流拥有那些东西。”

“好吧。不过我觉得你需要一些帮助。你可以带上索尼娅,或者安娜。”娜塔莎停顿了一秒,然后小心地加了一句,“可以帮忙。”

“不,”叶琳娜的回答比她预想中的更尖锐,看着娜塔莎扬起的眉毛她叹了口气补充道,“索尼娅和安娜有她们自己的生活了。安娜的家庭很可爱。这不是她们的任务,她们没有选择这些。”

娜塔莎叹了口气。“你知道求助不是一个弱点,对吧?你总是可以让我帮忙的。”

“你确实有在帮忙,”叶琳娜反驳道,“我要你留在这里给你的联系人施压。她既然能帮我弄到瓦伦蒂娜社交圈的通行证,那她肯定对瓦伦蒂娜的关系网有足够的了解。我需要更多信息。我要把瓦伦蒂娜的所有犯罪关系网都毁了。”

叶琳娜喝了一口她的速冻饮料。呃啊,口感实在不太好。没有什么比从活体直接饮用的鲜血更美好的了。她好奇闻起来很棒的凯特·毕肖普尝起来会是什么滋味。“再说了,如果你和我一起回去调查瓦伦蒂娜,那你的红发小女巫怎么办呢?你忍心让她晾在这里?”

这回轮到娜塔莎翻白眼了。“我们只约会过几次……你真是个小混蛋。”旺达是她们在毁掉上一本来自红房间的黑魔法书籍时遇到的女巫。结果发现她不是坏人,只是被黑魔法诱惑了。

叶琳娜吃吃笑起来,自从她发现自己姐姐在和那个红发女巫约会后她注定打算要用这个事情狠狠捉弄娜塔莎。要不然当妹妹的乐趣何在呢?

“不过我是认真的。”娜塔莎说,“你永远可以指望我的支援。狼人真的很难对付。”

“不用你说。”叶琳娜喃喃地说,心里想的是某头特定的黑色大狼。

“在事情变糟糕之前,叫我,或者任何你需要的帮助,好吗?需要帮助不是一件坏事儿。”娜塔莎把手放在叶琳娜的肩上。

“当然。你是我的英雄。”叶琳娜平静地说,声音里没有一丝讽刺意义。再也不是了。

“接下来,我需要一些新的解药,我手上的快用完了。然后我们一起看任何你想看的烂电影!”叶琳娜放下她的饮料兴致勃勃地大喊。

“在保险柜里。”娜塔莎回答,在叶琳娜走向房间的时候大喊,“你可以找老妈拿解药的你知道吗!”

叶琳娜边走边喊回去,“当我可以烦死你的时候为什么要去烦她呢!”

“你是最糟糕的妹妹,”娜塔莎咬着她的吸管,笑着骂道。她的小妹妹是个小混蛋,但她还是爱她爱到心痛。

Notes:

有一点点提及寡红,哈!(虽然大概不会讲太多lol毕竟这是个叶琳娜凯特的同人——)
没有人:
我:要在同人里diss一下滚娘还有incel

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